That reminds me of the woman I saw several times when I worked at the hospital (I’m not sure what her job title was; IIRC she was some kind of big-shot consultant) for whom it was hard to take her seriously because of her appearance. Even though she was probably about 50 years old, she dressed in a way more suitable for a 1980s MTV video than the corporate boardroom - leather suit with a micromini skirt, spike heels that looked nearly impossible to walk in, extremely low-cut blouses (usually see-through and in patterns like leopard) and a fake tan that was so dark, the first time I saw her, I thought she was black, and no, she wasn’t.
I would cut those suckers out of there. You may need the support though. They could make them out of plastic at this point. Seems like that would feel better.
I am tactile-y challenged so things have to 'feel ’ right for me to wear it, at all.
I don’t think women’s clothing is intended to fit anyone. I was going to say anyone but a runway model, but those are professionally tailored to their bodies backstage.
My complaints is that if I want something to fit part of my body, it’s enormous on the other. Shirts are a great example. If I want something to fit my boobs, which are quite generous, I look like a tube because it’s huge around my waist. Likewise, if I want something to fit my thighs, I need to expect to have plumber’s butt.
And don’t get me started on how things fit after kids. I go to try things on and see in fluorescent lighting every single part of me that I hated, only now with extra lumps where there didn’t used to be lumps.
Also, god forbid you be a generous-breasted woman who wants to work out. Holy fuckbeans, that’s a pain in the ass. “Here, this sports bra with no underwire and 10 mm wide straps is perfect for larger breasted women wanting to do high-impact exercise like running.” Yes, perfect for me to have to hold onto the girls while I run, thanks.
If you are trying to buy cheap clothes from Aliexpress or Wish, you have to consult the Asian size chart. The good news is the measurements actually are accurate. The bad news is, you can forget long sleeves. If you are over 5’5" it isn’t happening. I’m honestly amazed that any retail store still has a petite department though. If I were petite I’d have a stunning wardrobe for about $200 per year.
As for bras, I’m not going to tell you my size, but suffice it to say that if you have spent two hours trying on bras you are one of the lucky ones. A Doper introduced me to DecentExposures bras and I’ll never go back. I have a few pretty lacy things in case I ever go on a date again, but for the vast majority of the time, these are the bomb. Imagine a really thick cotton tank top with gathers in just the right spot and a thick elastic around under the rack for support.
They are so comfortable, and for $50-ish you get a hand-made fit-to-measure bra. The first one is a little bit trial and error, but if you measure carefully they will do the rest. And once you get it right you just order what you need when you need it and the perfect bra arrives a couple of weeks later.
They are not push-up bras, but if you get the straps the right length and the cup sizing right, you’ll look great. My only caveat is don’t get the hooked ones. Get the ones that go over your head. The hooks dig.
Now, can we talk about tunics and kurtas? What is it with the anatomically correct patterns? Why is there always a paisley or a flower centered right on genitals?
I can only imagine what you must be going through, seeing as how wretched/wrecked/distressed jeans for women seem to be back in vogue.
pohjonen, hilarious rewrite! Thanks for sharing.
You might find Express a good place to shop. As one who is thinner than most guys I find their men’s department much better than any other place I’ve bought clothes in. I don’t know anything about the women’s clothes, but they’re anything like the men’s they should have some reasonably “standard” type jeans that aren’t super low rise and in an ordinary dark rinse.
I’m about ready to give up and embrace a full-on “Three’s Company” Mrs. Roper style. A variety of home-made muu-muus and big plastic jewelry. That should make Board meetings more interesting. I can’t be certain, but pretty sure sparkly gold thong sandals will replace pumps my only work footwear (bye-bye bunions).
I really despise the bare shoulder/long sleeve top thing, and the ‘My pants were attacked by a rabid honey badger.’ jeans look.
I don’t have much trouble with size, as I’ve figured out which brands work for my shape and shop there almost exclusively. I would never try to buy pants at Aritzia, for example, as they’re designed for someone with a much different body shape than me (tops there are fine though).
I am somewhat anxiously awaiting my 60s, so I can wear a variety of loud, flowery caftans unironically.
Great remark about the jeans. I’ve never understood wanting clothes that are pre-worn-out. And charging a premium for them, at that. I tried selling my old chevy as pre-faded and pre-dented, but no one found it appealing.
I honestly think that we’ve improved a bit. You can now find plus-size tee shirts and pants that look like the rest of the women’s department. It’s better than when clothing designers seemed convinced that overweight women were best served by wearing clothes that made them look like floral couches.