True, I suppose “kick out” is my emotional way of stating it. She has agreed to leave if I ask her to, on my terms and my time frame. If I want her out she has agreed to be “out” which my mind sees as “kicking out” I suppose. Hope that clears the verbage up a little.
This is very good advice. Make a clean break, both personally and legally. Give her the option of staying in the house and assuming all legal responsibility for the lease, or of moving out and you will assume all legal responsibility for the lease. If the landlord will not modify the lease, make a separate (written and signed) agreement between yourselves.
Also, you are to be commended for still being concerned about her daughter. Even so, as other posters have mentioned, her mother created the situation and is responsible for any repercussions. Doing things “for the daughter” is not good path to start down - it will drag things out, and set yourself up to be taken advantage of.
Best of luck with your situation.
This was my first thought, too. SOMEONE (if not both of you) is going to be leaving in 6 months and she still won’t be able to afford the place on her own in 6 months. So the answer is clear that she’s gotta go, and there’s no use fucking around to see who out-pays who.
She made the decision to cheat, which was also a decision to lose a roommate, so she’s gotta deal with it. Kid or no kid.
This hasn’t been suggested yet and god knows I wouldn’t be willing to do it, but any chance of reconciliation?
So you can’t kick her out. She can only leave voluntarily, which changes the whole dynamic.
So ask her to leave as soon as she can make other arrangements. It is the “worst” you can do anyway in these circumstances, and I can’t see why this is a problem for anyone.
Who is signed on the lease? It’s fairly important. If only one of you is on the lease The other should leave and the person that would be held responsible as listed on the lease stays. If both of you are on the lease then it’s way more complicated, because the one that stays could screw the other person over along with themselves by not paying rent or damages to the rental. The land lord might be willing to sign a new lease without penalties over to a single person if one of you are staying and the other leaving. Look into this.
You need to move out and let her figure out how to make the rent nut. Any other solution is untenable if you have strong feelings for the kid, but still don’t want to listen to mommy banging her new boyfriend.
The problem is that if they are both on the lease and she fails to pay rent, then the landlord will come after him for unpaid rent whether he lives there or not.
There is no scenario where they will not be both on the lease unless anew roommate is found and approved by the landlord. In option 1 he pays it all , in 2 and 3 if she fails to perform he would more than likely have to cover the nut. There is no scenario where he is not at risk of having to pay. 3 lets him not feel like a creep for booting the kid and takes him out of the stress of dealing his ex entertaining new boyfriends.
[protip]Don’t date single moms.[/pt]
Her moving out doesn’t necessarily mess up anything for the kid and school. All she has to do is find a place to stay that is in the same school district. So don’t let that influence your decision…it really doesn’t mess up school for her.
My considered opinion is that the person who wants out should leave.
With the caveat if someone cheats, it means they want out. So they go.
I have never liked this idea of “I don’t want you anymore, get out.” No, if you want out of the relationship, you should be the one to do the leaving.
Thanks for all the input guys. Its really given me some good insight on the situation that I may not have come up with otherwise. I think the first thing I’m going to need to do, before I make any final decision as to who is going where is to talk to the property manager tomorrow morning and see what exactly can be done about this situation. I don’t want to get stuck paying for her and vice versa.
If you move out, don’t forget to not only take your name off the lease, but also remove your name from all utilities and other bills that are currently for that house, e.g. phone, cable, electricity, etc. You don’t want your credit in someone else’s hands.
1 or 2. Do not let anyone guilt you into 3.
Are you sure the “bangin’ new boyfriend” would be the one moving in?
If he wanted her for a serious relationship, she would be the one leaving you, not secretly banging him on the side. So my guess is, if you moved out, she probably would make ends meet by getting a non-romantic roommate.
Option 3. Look man, six months is NOT an unreasonable amount of time to ask your (ex)GF to not bring any swinging dicks around. Seriously, it’s the least she could do. And to show what a stand up guy you are; you agree not to bring any women over as well.
I know of a couple who was in the exact situation as you. They didn’t want to break the lease. They stayed in seprerate bedrooms until the lease was up and moved out.
The only person whose movements you are going to decide about are your own. Your ex may or may not agree to your wishes should you ask her to leave, regardless as to what she’s already said about leaving if you want her to.
You really should stop this fantasy that you have any control here, except over your own actions.
If I were in your situation, and I was sure it was over, I would have my name removed from the lease and move out.
I would not put myself in any position to be dependent on her- for kitchen space, childcare, rent, agreement on any plans, or assitance of any kind. I would see getting a new place as a great way to break away and start over.
Plus, it can be difficult to get any person to do what you want them to, even in good times.
Since she has proven to be untrustworthy, why place any trust in her?
Dingdingding - we have a winner!
First of all, decide what is best for you, and then figure out how to achieve it.
As I see it, in large part it hinges on where you prefer to be in 6 months. If you wish to stay where you are alone, then encourage her to leave. If you would just as soon be somewhere else that fits your single lifestyle/budget/etc better, then no reason waiting around for 6 months.
But that doesn’t mean you need to ignore her preferences. It is possible that your preferences coincide, say she wants to stay put and you’d prefer a fresh start. She is an adult, so if she says she can afford the place herself and you can get off the lease, well that seems like the cleanest break.
Another thing, do you expect/want any kind of relation with this woman and/or her child later? If so, what kind of a relationship, why, and how realistic is this desire? Relationships often end, and I think you need to prepare to act selfishly - hopefully without being a dick.
Excellent advice in theory, but tough to put into action in the real world. Very few 20 year old hotties with no kids want to date poor, ugly, 40-somethings. 