. . . I was going to say something really mean about the idea of Wujie “rolling over,” but I’m I nice guy. And I’m hoping to game with him this year.
And I really don’t want to piss Arden off.
A couple of my friends have that whole “dice superstition” thing down real well… One has a set of 5 black d6s with red number-dots. He calls them “devil dice,” saying they always roll good for him… They don’t. In fact, they seem to be quite (gasp!) random to me, the GM. Still, it never fails. Each time he gets ready for a game, he’ll roll all 5, and pick the three (Usually three, or however many he really needs) that have the best results, like it makes a difference. Then he brags that he’s got the best dice. Yeah, okay…
At least he got better. He used to carefully roll about a dozen d6s and slowly eliminate them untill he had the three that rolled “best” to him.
Of course, there’s one person who everyone swears was cursed. Back when we used to play AD&D (Which I avoid like the plague, now 
), we had to seriously tweak the rules to get him good starting stats. First we tried letting him roll 4 and choose the best three, then we let him just roll all four. We had to, because otherwise his stats were all in the 3-8 range. With 4 dice, he’d usually range 6-11. It was weird, but that’s how it ended up going.
Eesh, I know that one… My friend used to GM a lot (Still does, occasionally), and you could almost always count on some deus ex machina to save the day if you make a dumb mistake. It was almost impossible to die in his campaigns. The only time you were likely to die was if you -purposefully- tried to kill yourself. Or if you attacked the rest of the group in an OOC hissy-fit (See above ).
One of my friends loves doing that. I love pointing out every single flaw, forcing him to actually play the disadvantages he picked to enable him to get what he wanted, and spoiling any rule-breaking changes he tried to do (“No, you can’t stack two haste enchantments and two great haste enchantments atop eachother. Pick one”).
Arrgh, I hate DMs that won’t let a character die. The last one I played with was like that - from what I heard he’d kill off your characters, but only when he was ready for them to die. If he screwed up and didn’t check out the challenge rating on harpies before throwing the group of 4 apprentice mages into an arena with SEVEN of them, he’d start rolling damage behind his screen, and what do you know, it was always 1 or 2 points of damage, every time.
He also had the very annoying habit of playing a character in the party while he DMd. Now, there’s nothing wrong with an NPC helping the party, but his would always be some neat new character template he wanted to try which usually was the most powerful in the party, AND he would use it to lead the party through his adventurer. When his character would say ‘Hey guys, I think it’s a good idea if we go check this out’ eventually my character would reply ‘I don’t think so. In fact, I’m not sure we should trust you at all!’ which would mortify the rest of the group who played with him all the time, who were perfectly willing to be led along.
You cant just take off one earring at a time. If you dont want to show skin, dont play strip poker.
In addition to MrVisible:
Play a character with some common sense for Christ’s sake! Unless you’re character has an intelligence of 6 or less, he will know when things are going badly. Don’t expect the DM to bail you out if you find that a fight is turning against you. There are things out there that are more powerful than you, and although I try to keep your adversaries somewhat in your power range, sometimes the dice just don’t favor you and you will lose. Your best option would be to run if that is the case. And if you don’t run and you die, don’t blame me.
Also, please, please, please, try to come up with an original character this time. I know you like to play wizards, and that is fine with me, but do not come with that same background story again! No, I will not let you be the son of that 30th level mage with his own castle on the clouds, because I know that you will abuse that.
And last but not least, one or two low ability scores is not the end of the world. You don’t need at least 12 in everything. An intelligence of 8 can be fun to play! Just try it sometime. Also, if your friend comes with the idea of a blind and deaf monk, an idea I just love, don’t get angry if I favor him a bit more on other stuff so the character remains balanced. I would do the same for you if you took the time to come up with an original idea.
Don’t ask, halfway through the hand, what the contract is. Especially if you’re declarer.
Count the goddam trumps.
If you win on the table, don’t try and play the next trick from hand.
Never, ever revoke.
Learn to score.
High-low. How many cards left?
As my daddy taught me many years ago when he was teaching me how to play cards, “If you hold your hand where I can see it, I’m going to look.”
If you’re going to play a character whose sole goal in life is to wait for the fight to start and then smack the bad guys, PAY ATTENTION. Don’t make us tell you that the fight has started, or who the bad guys are, or why we’re fighting them. This is your character’s entire motivation here, and if that’s all you can muster, just DO IT and let the rest of us enjoy some roleplaying while you look at the pretty numbers on your character sheet.
**
You’ll love it!
Awww…I’m touched, really. 
I’ve had problems with some of Erick’s ideas in the past, like his absolute refusal these days to let go of or share the Amber license, but I’ll never understand the reasoning behind complicating what is an elegant gaming system by adding dice to it even for a Pattern walk.
Well, our GM is just a tinkerer by nature, but he’s smart enough to drop a mechanic if it’s not working and not mess with success.
The dice thing came up, like, three times in the course of a three year campaign with four to seven players. It didn’t affect gameplay hardly at all–except to discourage players from thinking they’re guaranteed a certain number of free Pattern walks and that there’s no real chance they’ll die on the Pattern unless they’re seriously abusing it.
That wasn’t the feel he wanted for this game. He wanted the Pattern to be scary, even to Elders. You can walk it after you’ve been trained and when you’re well-rested and it’s still hard. There’s a reason why people in the books don’t hop onto the Pattern to solve every little problem that comes up. Our GM was just sick of people not being serious enough about it, thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, “It’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done.” It’s supposed to be dangerous, but the GM won’t kill my character on the Pattern; that would be arbitrary and unfair. Dice make it dangerous and yet still fair.
But, you know, you do your game, we’ll do ours. Some GMs aren’t as concerned with making the Pattern scary, or maybe they’re willing to smoke a sacrificial lamb to prove their point, or have other mechanisms for Patternwalks, and that’s fine.
We always thought it would be funny for the GM to make an arrangement with one of the players to make up a character to kill on the Pattern, and not tell the rest of the group. Eventually, the player says, “Well, I think I’ll just have to walk the Pattern.”
The GM says, “Are you sure? Walking the Pattern is very dangerous.”
“Yes, I’m absolutely sure. I make sure to get a good night’s sleep, and head down to the Pattern Room in the morning.”
And the the GM goes through the whole thing, “It’s hard. It’s really, really hard. Blah blah blah sparks! Blah blah blah resistance. Blah blah blah blah.”
The player plays along. “Yes, I knew it would be very difficult, but I am a daughter of Amber, so I forge onward.”
And then he says, “You reach the Third Veil. You can hardly lift one foot and put it in front of the other. The sparks are flying above your head now. You stumble! You’ve fallen! You’re on your hands and knees!”
The player looks shocked. “I get up!”
“You can’t! You struggle and struggle, but you can feel the Pattern drawing the energy from you! You hear Benedict shouting, ‘Get up you fool!’ but his voice gets fainter and fainter. You lose consciousness. You’re dead.”
The player is flabbergasted. “What? I’m dead?”
“Yep. Make up another character.”
“B-but, that’s not fair.”
The GM shrugs. “You walk the Pattern, you take your chances.” The player argues and fumes, but the GM is completely unsympathetic. The rest of the group looks on in horror. . .
Can I have a word with you? Yes, you, the 1st level wizard about to turn 2nd. (3rd ed D&D) You don’t really want to be a monk. No, really. You just want to a take a single level of monk for the “sweet” bonuses. Yes, that’s right. you get a Wisdom bonus to AC and Evasion, and other cool things. But it has nothing to do with roleplaying. Being a monk is a spirtual journey, not a quick power fix. You sir, are METAGAMING, just like you always do. How about a character concept not totally based around min/maxing for a change?
“I want to cast MAGIC MISSILE!”
HA HA HA NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SAY IT, IT JUST GETS FUNNIER EACH TIME!
I thought we needed a few more bad GM stories, to balance our Chi.
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We have been playing these same characters for weeks. One of them hates and fears magic, and wants little to do with it. One of them isn’t interested in magic because he’s far more interested in technology. One of them isn’t really smart enough to appreciate magic. So when you were making this magic-heavy adventure, maybe you should have taken this into account. Similarly, I’m sorry if my character’s plan for getting over the wall wasn’t what you were expecting. It should have been - it’s consistent with his character. But it wasn’t. You assumed that a flamboyant guy who delights in showing off his skills and fancies himself a dashing swashbuckler would sneak past the guards instead of leaping over the wall with a mighty “HA HA!” and a wave of his rapier. Well you know what? As the GM, your job is to deal with stuff like this, not to bitch at me because I didn’t do what you expected.
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This adventure you wrote, Mr. GM, is fascinating. The attention to detail is marvelous, and the plot and ideas behind it are truly original. No wonder you aren’t letting us have any say whatsoever in what happens - since we don’t know what you have written there, we might mess it up! No, no, please continue, because I would much rather just sit here doing nothing while I’m led through your plot by an NPC.
(Note to GMs: if it’s d6s that your players keep rolling over and over during your amazing adventure, they might be playing Yahtzee on the side. It’s what I did during this travesty of a session.)
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Yes, my character is strong. He’s very very strong. He’s also, to balance things, very very dumb, among other things. But he’s strong. He’s a giant, he’s supposed to be strong. No rules were broken, or bent, or abused - this is the character race as written, as intended. So no, none of the gates in the mausoleum pose any challenge to me, which is fine, that’s a benefit of being strong. So realizing I can get through them with ease and then, as a result suddenly making them much harder for no reason and announcing you’re doing so is kind of an asshole thing to do, no?
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While I understand the need for playing in character, and actually playing rather than reciting Monty Python lines, let’s not all lose sight of the fact that we’re supposed to be having fun here. I’m playing a game; I am not part of a theater troupe. It’s supposed to be entertaining.
Hey, you on the corner chair. Can you please wake up a bit for this game? Whether I’m GMing, or it’s your boyfriend, could you please show some signs that you’re paying attention to what the rest of us are doing?
If the game’s that dull for you, don’t play. And if you’re too tired after a day of stroking keys at work, take a nap or ask us to consider another day. We’ll do that.
Mr. DM-- we don’t want to play D&D3E, or 7th Seas, or whatever new system you’ve plunked down $40 on this week and expect us all to buy. We won’t.
Don’t bother with modules that you haven’t read all the way through-- please, really, honest. It’s like you’re trying to paint by numbers, and can’t find the colour blue. On second thought, don’t bother with modules period.
Oh, and when you make up an adventure, we don’t want to wander around dungeons. What sane group of people would go down there anyway? There’s traps everywhere, for no apparent reason, and they always reset.
Pit traps. What the fuck are ten pit traps doing in the middle of the corridor? Engineers may be crazy, but they’re not that eccentric. A corridor exists so people can walk down it. It takes a lot of work to excavate a corridor, and no one’s gonna build it just to render it useless by throwing all these pit traps in the way.
Those strange monsters that feed on human flesh, and nothing else, even if no humans are around for 500 years. Those things that sit patiently for eons waiting to eat us – Hello? Bueller? They make no sense. Things so large they can’t move out of a room? Where do they come from again? How’d they get in there in the first place? Are they some demented sort of monster sponge that you carry in dehydrated, then add water?
One thing I must disagree with, Barbarian, is about munchkins disappearing in diceless games. Champions is not diceless, but it’s not dice-based for character generation, but point-based. And it is possibly the most abusable system I’ve ever seen. Players will have 85 infirm grandmothers to get enough points to buy that world-ripping energy blast they’ve always dreamed of.
Of course, a good GM, will take those 85 grandmothers into account, come adventure time…
And let me say one thing to ALL the munchkins and min-maxers out there…
When you’re in a group of actual role-players (as opposed to ROLL-players), DON’T try and min-max your character. All the rest of us rolled up our characters fair and square and have abided by those rolls. My dwarven paladin happened to lose out on most of his cool abilities (laying on hands, saving throw bonuses, et cetera) because of his low charisma. But that’s the way the dice fell, and furthermore, that low charisma fits his character conception. Nobody believes that, as rolled, your ability scores total over 90.
Also, you goddamned munchkins, don’t tinker with the character classes in order to max out your character. No, I will not let your bard cast druid spells instead of bard spells, even WITH your so-called limitation that you wouldn’t be able to cast spells in a city. For someone with druidic magic, that’s no limitation at all! If you want a ‘different’ character, then either use the multiclass rules or the prestige classes to get what you want. And if you insist on customizing a character class, don’t be surprised if it gets vetoed by the GMs. You assneck.
Switching topics slightly, regarding character deaths… I don’t like killing characters and don’t do it lightly. I don’t enjoy having the rep as the ‘killer DM’ who killed the character it took you two years to build up to 13th level. I will kill characters in combat if the situation calls for it. If the evil cleric has you down on the ground, you’re helpless and he has a Death Knell spell prepared – sorry, pal, you’re toast. But I don’t like killing characters with traps just because the thief blew his roll. To me, traps are to slow down parties, hinder them and wound them, but not to kill them.
Do not dis the Dead Alewives.
(ROLL TO SEE IF I GET DRUNK!)
I’d also like to mention…
I’m sure that 25 years ago when you started gaming, the rules were much more cut-and-dried. I’m also sure that there was more room for character development and customization of props. However…do NOT be insulted when I fall asleep in the middle of the three-hour-long argument you old-timers have, for the fifth week in a row, about whether or not X tincture can be used with Y potion to create Z spell. You didn’t figure it out last week, or the week before, and you’re not letting anyone else play because you’re too busy arguing amongst yourselves AND monopolizing the G.O.D’s time to let anyone else get anything done.
Also, if I say, “I knock on the door,” the proper response from you, my fellow party members, is NOT, “You can’t do that!” I, uhm, just did. Spending the next 1/2 hour arguing about what you were GOING to say, or what you had PLANNED to do before I took the drastic step of actually knocking on the door does not make me magically have NOT knocked on it. Sorry.
I’m not dissing them. I’m dissing the players that feel a need to quote from this, especially that one line, incessantly.
Hmph. You think you’re so cool. But all your base are belong to us. 
Legomancer:
:slow burn . . .:
TUNNEL DUNGEON GMS MUST DIE!
:whew:
Sorry 'bout that. That’s another sore spot with me, Lego. Good call.