Who the FUCK drives an Escalade?

The BBQ Pit
1

You can’t argue with success, but you can question the intelligence and taste of those who make stupid things successful.

To answer my own question, people driving Escalades are vain, pretentious, irresponsible pigs sans taste or real respect for the brand destruction they’ve potentiated.

Vain and pretentious. Escalade drivers are vain, pretentious yuppies. This to me is their most tolerable quality, as I am vain and pretentious myself. But, for the record, most people who drive SUVs are pretentious, as they don’t need the power or function of such a vehicle; they just want to drive a big, badass car to help them look badass themselves.

Irresponsible pigs. Driving an SUV and guzzling gas–unless you need that horsepower and size–is environmental destruction and waste. So, instead of a pretentious yuppie in a BMer not wasting so very much gas, you get a pretentious swine in his Esc snorting at the world he’s killing. That’s worse.

Sans taste. I’m a marketing guy, and I’d like to nominate the Esc as the biggest brand perversion of the decade. A Caddy is supposed to be a high-end, elegant car. I mean, what if you saw a Moet et Chandon-branded sports drink? What if you saw a Gucci-branded athletic bra? Wouldn’t that be sick?

Regardless of whether you think, however, that the Esc is cool, the fact remains that the people who buy them are dickless, insecure, balding, fuckhead middle-age pieces of shit.

I laugh every time I see one and feel sick at the same time.

2

Fine, I was thinking of trading it in on a Humvee anyway.

3

On the plus side, they’re easy to steer while talking on the cell phone.

4

Uh, you think an automobile manufacturer going to market with an SUV is a perversion?? Presumably more so than BMW, Mercedes, etc, etc. etc. when they do the same thing?

You think that a Cadillac produced automobile (in the form of an SUV) is analagous to a Gucci bra? You do know those Gucci folks make both handbags AND watches, right?

The rest of your rant was mediocre, but this part was really, really awful.

5

You know, I’ve seen a s t r e t c h Humvee cruising around town.
That’d be even cooler than a plain vanilla Humvee. Bigger too!

6

I’m just glad that someone on this board is finally willing to take a stand in opposition to SUVs.

7

Given all the mentions the Escalade gets in hip-hop and other songs, I’m going to go with “hip-hop and other pop-culture performers.”

8

My parents’ and my bro’s cars (2 diff luxury brands) don’t get significantly better gas mileage than the average SUV. They’re probably not guzzling a tank waddling down the street like a Humvee, but it’s not like driving a Civic either. I guess most people don’t look at them and have the visceral sense of disgust you can pull out for an SUV, though. I think it must have to do with the more powerful engines and heavier building materials.

9

OK - what do anti-SUV people think of vehicles like the Jeep Grand Cherokee, Toyota Highlander, etc.? They are not monstrosities like Esc, Excursions, and their ilk. They get similar mileage to mid- to full sized pickups.

I have a Grand, but I don’t feel like I’m a complete asshole for driving it. I do use it for camping, fishing, and hauling stuff, not just to cruise around town. I like the convenience of being able to haul larger items, but be covered from the elements.

10

I see Escalades around all the time. I’m just thankful that they replaced the Lincoln Navigator as the ‘it’ car-- God that thing was ugly.

11

Ye gads! Sick?! Sick would be if you gave a rat’s ass. It’s a fucking NAME. Who cares?

12

Are you kidding? Cadillacs and SUVs are a perfect match. Caddys have always been big, gaudy aircraft carriers on wheels; at least Escalades don’t have giant chrome fins.

Seriously - This is less tacky than an Escalade? More gas efficient? More roadworthy?

13

The only Escalade driver I know is a short, middle-aged (I think), butch lesbian who owns a hair salon. Her girlfriend is rich - from actual hard work, imagine that - and I’d bet she drives an Escalade purely because she can.

Or because their huge dogs won’t fit in the Cadillac sedan or on the Harleys :slight_smile:

14

Well, I have a Highlander Hybrid and, after mentioning it in my current Pit Thread, I was told I shouldn’t ever drive an SUV. SUVs are bad, mmmkay?

15

My favorite Escalade story is the time I was smoking outside the office I work at. A woman pulls up in an Escalade and goes inside.

I work for the PA Dept. of Public Welfare.

I still have no idea what she was thinking she was going to qualify for when she’s driving a freakin’ Escalade…

16

I do agree with this part. Brand perversion is rampant int he car industry right now. If I want a high-end luxury land yacht, I will buy a Cadillac. If I want a kick-ass small sports car, I will buy a Porsche. If I want an awesome sedan, I will buy a BMW.

But if I want a nice SUV, I’m going with Land Rover. It’s what they DO. The companies mentioned above aren’t exactly my first choice for an SUV.

And don’t even get me started on the brand destruction of Mercedes. Cloth seats? A price tag under $30K? Damned ugly cheap models? Blech. It used to be a brand people aspired to…

17

Jeep Wave! :smiley: (Hey, why let the CJ drivers have all the fun?)

People who really hate SUV’s don’t care whether you actually use it or not; they place all SUV’s, regardless of the vehicle’s capabilities, in the same category. To them, a mid-'90s Jeep Cherokee is no different than a Porsche Cayenne – both are gas-guzzling machines hell-bent on destroying the environment.

18

Actually, Escalades are way cooler than I imagined from reading this thread. :smiley:

19

My main beef with the über-SUVs is my inability to see around/through them. If people want to spend more on gas than they need to that’s their call. I also half expect that eventually someone is going to be chatting on their cellphone and put their grill through my window and kill me (in which case i hope someone sues the pants off the people who designed a car that can drive through window of a standard car for unsafe design).

But as long as you drive responsibly and give care to watching out for us normal sized cars, I don’t really care that you drive a giant station wagon. I am curious about the “hauling stuff” comment, as I see that a lot, but wonder how much stuff people really have to haul and where you haul it to. When I need to haul stuff I rent a truck, or borrow my mother’s van (which she uses to haul stuff, mostly buttloads of grandkids these days). There’s really not much stuff I can’t fit into my car on a day to day basis.

20

The first SUV was a station wagon – Willys-Overland added 4-wheel drive to their Jeep Station Wagon line in 1948.

Up until yesterday, I was hauling a class project around in the back of my Jeep. Typically I just carry a large toolbox, a full-size spare tire, and a small wooden crate containing a battery charger, a roof-top carrier, and assorted mats and cloth tarps. Sometimes I use the Jeep for storage – this typically happens when I clean up the apartment and find things that I want to donate. I have hauled furniture (most recently a kitchen island, though I have managed to put a dining table and a couple of chairs back there), a golden retriever, assorted luggage (Mom and I drive to Maine once or twice a year to see relatives). In these cases, borrowing another car or getting someone else to move the stuff wasn’t possible.