Funny you should ask, quadell! I was in just the situation you describe 2 months ago.
(Well, okay, it wasn’t just the situation you describe – in that she wasn’t the most sexually appealing woman I’d ever met. I just hadn’t “gotten any” for over a year and was willing for any port in a storm, so to speak.)
Fortunately, she resolved the situation for me by failing to show up for our rendezvous.
The prevailing winds are not too difficult to discern for this scenario (you had me going for a minute, there, Nemo).
P.S.
I think you lucked out, tracer.
I’ve been on the giving end (slept with a married man while single) and the receiving end (1st husband cheated) and I say:
RUN!!! RUN LIKE HELL!!!
Nope. Not. Ever. Run faster than you’ve ever run in your life.
I’ve heard the old argument, “he/she made the promise, I didn’t.” Doesn’t hold water. Getting your ashes hauled can’t override the basic cowardice. A promise is being broken, period. Helping a cheater to cheat is wrong, just simply wrong. It ranks down there with pushing a drink onto an alcholic.
If someone is so unhappy in a relationship the eye is roving, then he/she needs to get out first. The temporary illict thrill will pall quickly; the guilt and loss of character will last a lot longer.
Two emphatic thumbs down,
Veb
This is exactly what it would take for me.
That is really shitty. It isn’t the kind of thing you should lie about. My husband and I do have an open marriage, but I am totally against people who cheat. (The difference being that cheating involves deceiving and hurting your spouse/SO)
–
From an actual catalog: “Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion”
the Abrams’ bris was certainly memorable
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com
I’m in it with Opal.
The only problem is that when guys usually approach me and I tell them that I am married, but they can talk it over with the husband they tend to either laugh it off or go away. Their loss for a new expirence.
But, if that is not the situation let it be. Like it has been said before, if he/she can cheat on their SO, what is going to stop them from cheating on you in the end or just plain crushing your self esteem?
Are you stuck on stupid?
Wow. I didn’t expect there to be such unanimity. That’s amazing, for a board like this.
In the end, I wouldn’t either, although it wouldn’t be a particularly easy decision. I thought of lots of justifications, but none of them were quite good enough.
The strongest justification went something like this: “If she’s going to cheat on her husband, then she’s gonna cheat. I can’t stop her, and it’s not my job to stop her anyway. So I can’t save the trust in their relationship; it’s going to be broken. But some guy’s going to get lucky in the process. Why not me?”
Tempting, but not quite convincing. After all, if a lady always left her purse lying around, and I knew it would get stolen eventually, I still wouldn’t steal it.
So, eh, anybody disagree?
Your Quadell
My current relationship, which I’ve been in for over a year now, involves a man who got married in September, I think, of last year (about 6 months ago). I knew when he started seeing me that he had a girlfriend, but I never did catch on until I passed him on the interstate one day and saw the glint of a wedding band on his left ring finger. (I didn’t catch on because he and the wife live about an hour away from me, and I only see him in the city where we both work and I live.)
I confronted him shortly thereafter; he admitted to being a cad and a bounder, and I told him that if he wanted to see more of me that he’d best get his divorce papers in order. Alas, that wasn’t how it worked out. We continue to see each other, though it’s uncomfortable for me (to say the least).
The worst part is that now, after seeing him for a year and knowing all too well what he’s like, I am starting to develop stronger feelings for him. I’m afraid I’m going to start wanting things from him that he can’t or won’t provide, and I hate that. My advice would definately be don’t do it, no matter how tempting it might be.
Miss Davis, wiping spilled guts from thread…
OK, just to add a little twist to this senario…
What if the married person was stuck in an unhappy, unfulfilled relationship and couldn’t get out ( money, whatever). Do you discretely pursue a relationship that makes you both happy?
Just hypothetically, of course.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
My answer to the OP: Nope, no way, no how. I have been cheated on too often to wish it on anyone else. In fact, the idea of, you’ll forgive the metaphor, trespassing on private property runs counter to something deep within me, even if the other party is involved in an honest-to-goodness open relationship. I was at a party last year, when suddenly, a (female) friend of the hostess started making advances at me. She said she’d always found me attractive, etc. I was single, availible, and I found her rather attractive, as well. Unfortunately, she was married. Now, she and her husband had a very open marriage, and everybody knew about it, but something in me still rebelled. I don’t know. Cheating is just not something that comes easily to me.
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
No way.
It will hurt too many people, including yourself.
Even if you aren’t married, you are helping someone betray their spouse.
I don’t buy that “I’m stuck in this loveless marriage” line - that’s just an excuse to keep the comfort of the marriage and get a bit on the side. If the marriage is really doomed, he/she will either get out, or the spouse will.
If he/she cheats on the spouse, they’ll cheat on you.
So basically you’re asking if I’d be willing to leave my husband, to break up my FAMILY, for the chance to screw a great looking guy.
Gee, I don’t know. How much money does he have?
Lisa aka Darva
Oh, it’s very easy to say you’d never have an affair with a married man. “Run, little girl!” I used to say that too . . .
. . . Then you meet him, and all your rules and all your common sense go right out the window. Temporary insanity, is what it is.
That having been said—“Run, little girl!”
—“Rae Smith,” the Back Street Gal
The trouble with the hypothetical question is that it’s usually posed with the details that Angkins has added. He’s always the poor, misunderstood husband who’s been ignored by the treacherous wife, but can’t leave her yadda yadda yadda . . .
And naive little squirt that I was, I fell for it. For over a year, every time I tried to get out, he dragged me right back in with protestations of love and need and friendship, the manipulative bastard.
Never again.
Not only is it unethical, it’s incredibly damaging to you, as a person. I have yet to see someone come out of an affair unscathed. Even the manipulative bastard got his in the end.
Oh, and . . . just a bizarre side note. An uncle of mine (dead before I was born) was murdered by the husband of the woman he was sleeping with.
I know where you are coming from Eve. Been there too. And hard as you try not to develop feelings, they always do.
No. Been there, done that, and would not do it again.
I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
According to the OP, it could be his brother’s wife.
Ah, another line one should not attempt to step over.
Okay, I must add my two cents to this thread. In my situation, I was the (very unhappily) married woman, he was the single guy. In my case, I carried on the affair for two months, then when it came down to either staying in my marriage or being with the lover, I chose the lover.
Some of you have said that the lover shouldn’t trust me because since I cheated on my husband, therefore I would cheat on the lover. Well, I’m here to tell you that I have been with “the lover” for six years now, have had two children with him, and married him just last year, and the last thing I would ever do is cheat on him. It was the first time I had ever cheated on anybody and it wasn’t comfortable at all. I felt so much guilt for going behind my husband’s back, yet at the same time I wanted “the lover” so badly, I could barely stand it. My first husband had been cheating on me before I ever he thought of having an affair, and I remember how much it hurt to know that my husband preferred the company of another woman over me. I also know I hurt him badly by having the affair.
Shadowfox
“The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson
Don’t run…walk very assuredly and quickly away. If you run, you might trip. Never run from anything, walk quickly if you must, but don’t run, when you run, you aren’t clearly thinking and will all too easily end up in the same predicament.
To put it less metaphorically, if you run from such a thing, you are more likely to meet another ‘I’m a nice married guy.’ on the rebound. You also aren’t giving yourself time to make sure inside yourself you are doing the intelligent thing, and will invite later selfdoubt…also not a good thing.
>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<
—The dragon observes