Four people join the workforce and take positions on the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. Which of them will rise to the top first?
A. The hard working, but somewhat dim, Kiss-ass. Often heard saying, “You are completely right boss, kids do want a cereal with lima beans, and have a I mentioned what a stunning outfit you have on today?”
B. The bright slacker who always manages to get the job done in the last minute, Whiz Kid. Often heard saying, “Sorry I missed the last meeting. Lima beans? No, no I don’t think that would be a good idea. If anyone needs me I’ll be taking a nap.”
C. The two-faced, back stabbing, sell out his own mother if he could, Weasel. Often heard saying, “Hey, Whiz Kid can I see your report on the Lima bean project? Yeah, mine’s done too I just want to double check my figures. By the way, sorry about the meeting last week I could have sworn I told you 9:30 AM.”
D. The honest, loyal, play-by-the-rules, Worker Bee. Often heard saying, “I just love collating, its almost as fun as database entry!”
My experiance has led me to believe the Weasel wins everytime. The last Mega-Big Corp i worked for had gangs of em’ who would always take smoke breaks with the boss and somehow always occupied the bottom third in production, yet always got all the perks and promos.
my “team leader” (this fat, stupid lazy bastard couldn’t lead a buzzard to carion!) was king weasel! he would claim any work done by his team as his own and always had an excuse for all his many failings. (His excuses were about as good as a six-year old would come up with. “Oh, I had that report and it blew away!” or “The computer crashed and I must have lost it!” Real pathetic) This piece of human excretment would also sleep in his cubicle and when you went in to see him, he would jerk awake and cliam “I was just thinking!”. Yeah, right, Bob, you worthless gout-ridden puss-bucket ass-kissing maggot roach.
i’m really just kidding. His name was Ron. I don’t miss that job too much, but I do miss the 401K.
What does the “R” in the model number stand for? “Recall!”
So all you non weasels out there, and majority of corporate employees who don’t even fit into one of my sorry little caricatures what do you do about it? Do you just let the weasel take advantage of you or do you fight back?
You know, having been there, I don’t think the behaviors described are necessarily peculiar to Corporate America - they sound like activities you see in just about any organization: government, Exxon, the Post Office, the military, Fred & Sons Furniture…
I work in IT an almost everyone is a ‘B’. I am most certainly a ‘B’. I have told a room full of people all senior to me that they didn’t have a clue what they were talking about and to be quiet while I talked. Thay later thanked me for it. I listen to death metal and watch Iron Chef.
I am slacker - hear me disassociate!
I have a real place in my heart for 'D’s though. A good leader with an office of these people could rule the world.
What is completely missing it “The Smokers Connection”. Where I used to work all the senior managers smoked. The only people to ever get promoted from lower levels were also smokers. It was sort of a not so well kept secret.
This is incredibly disheartening. If I want to succeed beyond the bowels of any corporation in America if not the world I have to be a scheming, fraud, with a pair of lungs resembling charcoal briquettes? I don’t think I’m comfortable with that lifestyle.
Are there any non weasels out there who have been very successful despite the unforgiving realities of corporate ladder climbing? Is intelligence and a good work ethic ever enough?
But really, I’ve been in my job in “corporate America” for a year now (a business with about 400 employees). I fit (if you squeeze me in) into your “B” category. I managed to get a promotion after 8 months of working (not a change of position, but a new title and benefits in line with my skills and the new jobs I had undertaken). Granted, my boss is very cool and is as bright as “B” and as hard a worker as “D” and is as far from weasel and ass-kisser as you could get. If I were in another department, I could definitely see myself languishing and not receiving recognition.
Success is relative, but in this case I’m discussing financial success, and upward mobility.
gatopescado, did you ever try to out-weasel your weasel? Not stooping to his level permanently, but trying to expose him somehow? One could even go so far as to wear a “bug” and elicit some incriminating evidence.
Honestly, I think it may be even worse than it looks. I suspect that many of the “worker bees” that succeed are actually weasels who have fooled everyone.
Funny, I was thinking more or less the exact opposite; couldn’t it be that many of the “weasels” who succeed are actually just “worker bees” who one day started fighting back?
