Who would win: a grizzly bear trained in martial arts or a dozen female midgets?

Neither. Scalding cheese would rapidly cool as it was sprayed about, which would firmly stick both the bear and the midgets to the ground… bear: Nil, Midgets: Nil, We the audience: -1.

It is a well established scientific fact[sup]1[/sup] that lactose intolerant grizzlies do not hurl, but instead develop tremendously bad gas. Study the literature[sup]2[/sup]… Bear: 1, Midgets: 0.

[sup]1[/sup][sub]That I just now made up, 'specially for this post.[/sub]
[sup]2[/sup][sub]If you can find any regarding bear flatulance…[/sub]