Who'da thunk it? I didn't know they were STRAIGHT!

In My Humble Opinion
21

I was shocked, shocked to learn that David Sedaris’ lovely and talented sister Amy, last seen playing bisexual (“I like the pole AND the hole”) Jerri Blank on STRANGERS WITH CANDY, was straight.

Speaking of gay-friendly TV shows, while I was amazed to learn that Amanda Bearse on MARRIED WITH CHILDREN was gay, I was perhaps more amazed when I was assured in the theatre newsgroup that the guy who played her first husband, David Garrison, is straight.

“No, I really don’t have a boyfriend right now.” - Amanda, being totally honest with Joan Rivers on her show in 1993

22

You know (don’t ALL explanations of this start with “you know,” said with a conspiratorial leer?), the whole slight lisp and nasal, ennui-dripping sound that makes people tell me, “Gee, I thought you were gay?” I mean, the guy sounds SMART and HIP! He can’t POSSIBLY be straight!

Nudge-nudge, wink wink, know what I mean?

23

Google is so good it finds what I’m looking for even when I misspell it!

That concludes today’s plug for Google.

24

Well…no.

25

Well, I was shocked to read in a review of The Village People that all but one of them were straight. I think the gay man was the construction worker.

I mean, The Village People. Really.

26

OK, question: What about Tom Cruise and his wife? I’ve heard they are both gay, and married only for the “disguise” factor. Or are they possibly bi?

27

John Lithgow wasn’t always straight, you know.
He was quite the opposite around the time he was filming Garp, and it wasn’t just “getting into the part”.

28

Broderick is married to Sarah Jessica Parker.

29

dropzone writes:

> Matthew Broderick has been living with [Sarah Jessica
> Parker] for those fifteen years.

Not for quite that long. Perhaps for ten years. During the '80’s, Broderick was engaged to Jennifer Grey at one point and Helen Hunt at another point. Sarah Jessica Parker lived with Robert Downey, Jr. for 7 years during the '80’s. See the IMDb for further information.

30

All told, doing rather well. Although I’ve been suspicious of Downey! :wink:

31

dropzone writes:

> Although I’ve been suspicious of Downey!

It’s well known, although I don’t think that he’s ever publicly admitted it, that Downey is bisexual.

32

I hate to get into these type threads, but I’ve heard Tom Cruise, who studied to be a monk and whose children are adopted, is actually a virgin. He has made a lifelong pledge not to have sex. It seems that broke up his first marriage.

Just a rumor, folks.

33

I’ve heard similar things re The Cruiser. A ex work colleague claimed to have worked on the set of Far and Away as a production assistant and swore blind he was ‘bent as a 5 bob note’(that would equate to approx $2 in case you were wondering) and all the crew knew.
Rupert Everett? Is he, isn’t he?

34

That is a surprise. Next you’ll be saying Waylon Smithers is straight.

Eve, whose authority on show biz gossip I accept without question, once posted that Cruise and Kidman are both straight. Jodie Foster, on the other hand …

35

stimpy writes:

> Rupert Everett? Is he, isn’t he?

Rupert Everett has been quite public about the fact that he’s homosexual.

36

I know that this does not mean conclusively that he is straight, but with the Village People talk being batted around I thought I’d throuw this in. The original lead singer for the Village People (the cop: Victor Willis) was married for a while to Phylicia (sp?) Rashad. Yep, the woman who played Mrs. Claire Huxtable on “The Cosby Show” was married to the “Macho Man” himself. From what I’ve read, he’s now an insane recluse and that the Village People have been touring with a new lead singer who still assumes the “Cop” role.

Now as for the rest of them, I have no idea.

37

The new cop, Ray Simpson, is definitely straight. I’ve met him, his lovely wife Leslie and their daughter. Trivia:
Ray’s sister is Valerie Simpson, of Ashford & Simpson.

38

Kevin Murphy, the voice and puppeteer of Tom Servo on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

That man was tripping my gaydar onto Full Alert, before I learned he was married. (To a woman.)

39

Learned while looking for lyrics:

Brian Eno. Perversely, extravagently hetero.

40

This will strike everyone as so unlikely that you’ll all think I’m kidding, but I absolutely am not (although unfortunately I have no evidence or cites):

Siegfried and Roy are straight. Despite the way they dress and act, despite the fact they share a home, my understanding is they’re straight, and find it bewildering that anyone would suggest otherwise.

If anyone can confirm this for me, that would be great.

Oh, and I interviewed Kevin Murphy (as well as Mike Nelson, Jim Mallon and Trace Beaulieu) for a radio talk show I hosted back in 1994, and he didn’t set off my (admittedly poorly-calibrated) gaydar. Tom Servo was the flamboyant one, not Kevin himself.