Who's been a "victim" of statutory rape?

There has been a lot of debate here about age of consent and sex and etc. (indeed one in GD at the momentwhich inspired this) but not an official poll (that I know of, if I’m wrong let me know). And I think it would contribute to the debate so…

Have you had what the State (or your state, or your country if you’re not American) would consider illegal? Did you consent to sex when your government didn’t consider you able to consent to it? Were you traumatized by it? Were you not?

I’ll start. When I was 15 a 20 year old friend of a friend of mine went down on me. When he wanted to go farther and I didn’t he pulled back…in fact he was the perfect gentleman. The idea that he could be could be considered a “child molester” is just weird to me.

What’s your experience?

Here in Sweden the age in consent is 15. She was a week shy of her 15th birthday and I had turned 17 a couple of months earlier, so I wasn’t the victim but the perpetrator. She took the initiative and if she was traumatized I sure didn’t notice. Our relationship lasted almost five years after that.

Now that I’m speeding towards 30, the idea of someone under 15 having sex is… let’s just say it’s not entirely comfortable.

It’s a touchy subject. In some circumstances, I think prosecuting statutory rape is bull. A lot of it depends (IMO) on the relative age of the parties involved. I lost my virginity at 14, to a 16 year old who was also a virgin. Did it scar me? Oh hell no! I remember it being one of the sweetest moments of my life. However, a few years later when I was 16 and had a 37 year old guy trying to get me into bed, it was a different story.

According to the government, I was technically raping my (now) wife for two years.

I was fourteen, he was sixteen. The age of consent in South Australia is apparently 17, but I swear I remember (what is admittedly probably scuttlebutt) hearing at various times that 16 is allowed, if both parties are the same age. But anyway. Suffice to say in my situation we were both under the legal age.

I was not forced nor traumatised in any way. It was with my full consent and foreknowledge (I’d gone to his place to have dinner that night, and I knew we would be getting up to shenanigans in his bedroom after dinner, before my mum came to pick me up). I was already on the pill (for an unrelated hormonal issue) and we used a condom. We even talked about what we would do if I did fall pregnant. I enjoyed it, and continued seeing him for (IIRC) about six to eight more months before I broke up with him and went on with my life.

I’m divided on the underage sex issue. Personally, I think if the teens involved are informed, are both of similar ages, and are both aware of and ready to be personally responsible for condoms/birth control then I can’t see too much harm. However, there is the fact that a lot of kids don’t know what to do, how to do it, what the repercussions are if it goes wrong. I think sex education, for both boys and girls and in most countries, needs to be a lot more comprehensive than it currently is before I’d feel fully comfortable with the idea of anyone under the age of 16 or so deciding that they were ready for sex.

When I was 15, a middle-aged man (a family friend) coaxed me into letting him perform cunnilingus on me. I did not enjoy the experience. I found the man repugnant, and the act frightening and disgusting. I spent the next two years in and out of mental hospitals. I can’t say that the oral sex was the only cause of my mental instability, but it sure as hell didn’t help.

Does second hand count?

My grandfather is obsexed. He’s tried to convince all his female descendants to go into whoring; he’s tried to bring his male descendants whoring.

We blame it on having being deflowered by the captain’s wife when he was 11 (great-gramps was part of a police force that has a military structure and provides quarters for the men). Apparently she got to do it because her husband was the highest-ranking one, among those whose wifes were interested in checking out whether the tall 11yo was long in other respects as well.

I’m not sure what it qualified as under the state’s current law at the time, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all to know that one female just shy of 16 laying with a woman just past 18 was some sort of offense.

First real love, but we normally lived states away and she fell in with a bad crowd during the months we were apart and I (being far more sensible then than I am now) broke things off before it could turn into anything worse than a broken heart. I don’t regret loving her and the things we did in happy times one bit.

Hmmm. I picked up a 23-year-old undergraduate at the local university when I was 16 years of age and sounded and looked 25.
She was an immature 23, but… well, no objections here. Broke it off about 4 months later, more due to my being completely insane at that age than due to the age difference.
I met her folks, she met mine, no one said much of anything about the age difference…

Weirdly, I had almost the same experience as betenoir, although presumably with a different gentleman.

Unscarred by it, although I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience. On sober reflection, after years of subsequent experimentation, I believe it’s just that I’m not that fond of that particular form of intercourse.

He appreciated the return of favors, though.

I was 16, he was 21. He was my boyfriend at the time, though I was forbidden to see him.

Now: Did I consent? Yes.
Did I think I was capable of consent? Yes
Do I still think I was capable of consent? Yes
Was I traumatized? No
Did I regret it? Yes (mostly because he turned out to be an asshole)

If you were to take him up on it, how much of your earnings would you get to keep? :slight_smile:

When I was 13, with 14 and 16-year-old sisters. Were they ‘traumatizing’ each other? Or just me?

I don’t feel traumatized. I seem to recall feeling pretty damn good, as a matter of fact. And considering they started it (I was fairly innocent, being a good Mormon Boy Scout at the time), I don’t think I was causing issues for them…

They moved to Ohio the following year. I sure did miss 'em… (not just for the nookie).

I think the only thing that would have been traumatizing about the experience would have been getting caught by the parents (mine or theirs). :slight_smile:


Prosecutor chiming in:

What most of you are relating, consensual sexual activity between (relatively) contemporaries, is not necessarily illegal, and is usually not prosecuted.

In my state, the age of consent is difficult to pin down. Sex with someone under the age of 16 is prohibited as 3rd degree sexual assault (Statutory rape to most people). Between 16 and 18, there is a lesser offense of “Indecent liberties with a minor”. However, our state Supreme Court has stated that, if the “victim” and “victimizer” are relatively close to the each other’s age, there is no crime unless there is “something more”, like undue coersion, misrepresentation, etc.

Additionally, although there are a few SOB prosecutors around, but the vast majority would not charge “after-prom sex”. Prosecutorial discression is usually your friend.

(I know this isn’t answering the OP, but thought I’d share).

Damn, did I read that the wrong way…

I’d just like to pop in here to remind everybody that your posts in this thread will be available to anybody with an internet connection for some time to come. You should probably think twice about posting something you’ll regret later.

… I thought I was clear…?


I make no secret of being a teenage slapper :smiley:

It took me about five tries to read that the right way.

I gravitated towards older girls/women from the outset, so yeah, numerous times. I don’t consider that it was in any way traumatizing.

(Age of consent here is fourteen, but the new Conservative government is pushing legislation to raise it to sixteen. Bah.)