What about Magnum and the Simon brothers?
What, TV detectives not good enough to rate an invite? Hmph… snob.
Christopher Foyle, but only during wartime.
“Voice come from cow on wall!” - Wang
“Moose! Moose, you imbecile!.. And use your goddamned prepositions!” - Twain
Seriously, though, it’d be Holmes.
Pedantic nitpick:
This would be funnier if Wang weren’t already using his goddamned prepositions. It’s the articles he left off. Admittedly, “use your goddamned articles” is impossible as a joke. Maybe Simon should just have come up with a different and actually funny line instead of this. Maybe it was this laziness and imprecision with words that made the movie so much less funny than it could have been.
You’re all wrong - it’s obviously Albert Campion. He can go anywhere Lord Peter can (same aristocratic background, right)? Plus he gets to have Lady Amanda deal with all of the servants, the obstreperous siblings, etc
Mid-series Spenser, anyway, as he’ll be accompanied by Hawk (who will be necessary to take out Batman in the inevitable bout of fisticuffs) and Susan Silverman (who’ll provide him with the moral center and connectedness to the world that most of the others lack).
Actually, it wouldn’t be easy getting Sherlock there, either. Obviously he was contempuous of official detectives, but he even went out of his way to slag on his predecessor Dupin at one point.
Anyway, I say Encyclopedia Brown gets it anyway.
That rat bastard is always wrong. He’s wrong so frequently that it cannot be his simple rat bastard incompetence; he’s deliberately framing people. Someone needs to kill that rat bastard.
He is not! Encyclopedia is cool (or he was when I read him in the 1970s, like Nancy Drew, god knows what they’ve done to him now).
How about Richard Jury? Or Luke Thanet (? cannot recall name right now). Or Miss Silver–she and Jane Marple could get together…
Nero might be in the hotel for an orchid show, and yes, he wouldn’t be interested in other detectives. Nero’s useless without Archie, but then he wouldn’t travel without Archie, anyway. It would be interesting to watch Holmes, Wolfe, and the Batman all try to solve the case first. I love each of them, for their own individual styles.
Great scenario, New and Improved, and even though it’s really a “game,” I’ll leave it here.
I think it’s a question of methodology, both of the murderer and the detective. If there are physical clues, then Sherlock will be the first to spot them. He gets there first because he’s on the scene quickly while there still are physical clues.
Nero Wolfe, Peter Wimsey, Miss Marple, and Hercule Poirot are (usually) only effective when there are no specific physical clues. They work more from a psychological stand-point; Poirot in particular would disdain mere physical evidence and crawling around looking for clues. Nero Wolfe only manages to be a genius when he knows that the standard lines have failed to produce any info.
The others are not “brilliant” in the same way as these. Colombo might know instinctively, but usually only when there’s only one candidate anyway, however improbable. The rest like Mike Hammer, Nick & Nora, etc would fart around with questioning witnesses, and that would take longer. Perry Mason would wait until the trial, so someone would have already been accused. Batman would not be effective at searching for clues, and wouldn’t even care unless there was a card with a riddle on it that had been mailed to him the day before. And Scooby Doo, I mean, c’mon, he’s fictional.
Well, yeah, OK, but it’s actually a quote from Lady Macbeth, from the Scottish Play.
Which Batman? It’s not really fair to put contemporary Batman against them; he has enormously better tech. Plus there’s the whole sociopath thing. Batman’s almost as evil as Encyclopedia Brown.
It pains me to say this, but probably Holmes would solve the case, though my loyalty to Nero Wolfe insists that he’d be right behind him – of course, without all the energetic rushing hither and yon. Maybe he’d let his dad* take the collar on purpose.
Of course as others have noted, the only way you’d get Wolfe there is with Archie; also, you’d have to have some incredible non-work-related incentive, such as serving a rarity like Ortolans (complete with handkerchief), or displaying a new species of pink vanda orchid Wolfe’s been lusting after. Alternately, you could ask him to cook, perhaps by issuing a challenge to his gustatorial pride (“No American food is worth eating”), or perhaps invite Fritz to cook. I’d love to see your scenario, if only to hear Archie’s snarky comments on the other attendees.
(Actually, in Too Many Detectives, Wolfe was forced to solve a case with a bunch of other New York PIs, but that was because they’d all been called up to Albany due to a state investigation into their use of wiretaps. A witness was murdered and Wolfe and the other 'tecs were suspects in the crime.)
In addition to the wonderful Murder By Death, which BTW is on “Watch Instantly” on Netflix, there’s Marion Mainwaring’s novel Murder in Pastiche, where thinly disguised versions of Wolfe and Archie, Roderick Alleyn, Sir John Appleby, Miss Silver, Mike Hammer, Hercule Poirot, Ellery Queen, Peter Wimsey, and Perry Mason are all on board a ship when murder most foul occurs. The fun part of the book is that it doesn’t just parody the detectives, but their authors’ writing styles.
- A nod to the amusing theory that Wolfe is Holmes’s illegitimate son via Irene Adler, put forth by William S. Baring-Gould, among others.
In that particular scene I believe Twain actually said pronouns. His complaint about Wang not saying his prepositions and articles came during the dinner table scene.
I was trying and trying to remember that title when I posted about Leo Bruce. All I could remember is that it took place aboard ship. I did some searching but couldn’t find anything that gave me the hint I needed.
My memory of the book is that she doesn’t good a very good job of the pastiches, but it’s been a long time since I read it.
Those who enjoy seeing Nero back in action can catch him thinly disguised as the Marquis of London in the Lord Darcy series (where several other famous characters show up from time to time), and as the Dead Man in the Garrett PI series by Glen Cook.
You folks are severely underestimating the abilities of one Jupiter Jones.
Ooh, I figured it out! Enoch Bone and John Weston, on account of they were edited by a Doper.
End of story (game).
I am not really current on Batman. I’m mostly reading the Fables and Y: The Last Man these days.
Briscoe and Logan Dum Dum