I’m going to be the jerk here that points out the obvious. You believe that 95% of the other students are bad. People don’t want to be friends with someone who looks down on them, nor do you seem to want to be friends with them. The remaining 5% are probably looking at you as one of those “bad” people–you say many of your previous friends have dropped out, gotten pregnant, or expelled. The “good” kids saw you hanging out with those people and probably group you with them… which may be exactly what you are assuming about a few people in that 95%.
When you set yourself apart on purpose by “dressing emo,” it hardly seems reasonable to complain when others interpret this as a message that you see yourself as separate and above them, especially when you are copying a style that is not present at your school and then deciding that the problem is that your school is full of country folk who don’t get it. People have probably noticed that you think you are better than them, and few qualities are less likable.
You are a very talented artist and you do deserve friends and to feel safe at school. I’m not saying anything to be mean or hurt your feelings, but because you asked. I wish you the absolute best of luck in finding some company at school.
Ditto on the artwork! Unfortunately, the ones I kept finding as my favorites, had the price tag of “priceless” on them. I especially liked in the Acrylic Oil LaFrance Lies Meilleurs Veins Fins. The wine glass looks so realistic, and would perhaps buy it if you’d put a price on it. And in pencil drawing Converse Shoe, and in ink Skater Guy were also high up on my list. Only ones I didn’t like, at least for my tastes were the photographs.
High school is awkward for many, I hated it with a passion, and my senior year was the most difficult. I was a late bloomer myself, and didn’t have near as talent as you have with your artwork, nor did I make straight A’s, just never bothered to study, and was ready also to get away from the high school environment, the teachers that didn’t care, the drug use running rampant and being used openly in class.
You’re going to do well in life, I’m sure of it, and as they say, the best revenge is living well. Enjoyed your artwork, blog and biography of you, and also found the pic of you cute. Perhaps you’re not as disliked as you perceive. Heck, just from what you’ve shared, it’s difficult not to like you. Sometimes loneliness exacerbates things a bit, but there is no doubt in my mind the worm is going to turn for you soon.
IT GETS BETTER
I wish some kids would, as an act of defiance, dress like they are from the late fifties/early sixties and use words like golly and swell and smile all the time and make tons of eye contact.
It would really freak people out.
Seriously HS sucks. It always has and it always will.
Um…yeah. That’s basically your “problem”. You’re an A student who dresses emo in what you described as a school full of white (presumably) trash hicks in the middle of nowhere. Every high school has some bad apples and HS does mostly suck for everyone. But yours does sound particularly sucky.
The good news is that you only have one more year left and then you can leave. You strike me more of a “blossom in college” type. 90% of your classmates will probably never live or work more than 25 miles from that school.
Keep in mind that if you think you even possibly might need any sort of help, professional or otherwise, get it before you go to college. I found HS (and everything before it) fascinating, although I didn’t really enjoy it. My misery wasn’t usually due to school and my peers (that only came up periodically), it was due to the apparent demons I have running around in my head, and the reasons why. I met some really remarkable people in those years, and I have never liked my peers more than I liked my fellow HS band members.
HS was a rather dramatic time for me, and I figured I was going off to college ready to fulfill the expectations I had always heard about, and that you can see in this thread: I would “blossom”, “find myself” and so on. I found myself depressed, I found myself disturbed, I found myself distressed, isolated, confused, stressed out, angry, once again suicidal, and finally feeling strung out, not due to chemicals but perhaps due to the lack thereof. I could barely even communicate effectively by the end, I was thinking/saying/doing bizarre things, and I’m amazed I got through it all.
So don’t just assume going to college will fix everything.
There’s more, but now it’s time to walk to my therapy appointment.
Well, speaking as another artist… Don’t get upset, but due to the wildly varying styles I actually considered the idea that you may have stolen some of the artwork and claimed it as your own. But as far as I can tell you have not! So you certainly have a place in the world of professional illustration if you keep at it and keep improving, if that is what you want to do. Your ability to change styles as needed is a plus for that (and those abstract landscapes are all the rage these days for art galleries).
Either way, it does seem as though you’ve partially created your own hole (the school system is partially responsible for being so substandard). The point of going your own way and doing your own thing - not dressing like the others, not associating with the “right” people, not acting like the others, etc - is that you then have to reject other people’s opinions of your life and truly be independent. So you believe they’re below you - act like it. Why do you need their attention? Why does it matter that they don’t care about you? You’ve done everything you can to separate yourself from them and yet you come back begging for attention. Don’t do it. You’ve made your choice to be independent from them, now stick to it.
Developing this sort of thick skin will be necessary if you continue the art path as art critique is an integral part of formal art education. People will say things about your work that feels biting and you will need to take it objectively rather than personally.
And like others have said, high school tries to condition you to be same as everyone else, college is about doing what you want, so it may turn around just fine once you’re out.
The serious answer to why the kids are so bad is simply they are raising each other and doing a pitiful job of it. Both parents have to work, so they don’t have much time or energy left over to raise the kids. Then from somewhere the kids also have the idea that we "gotta love " them because they are the kids. Wrong, we do not “gotta” love the nasty creatures. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7soxUKX5Ls So young lady when you are an adult you will have a head start in life because you were the lonely little petunia.
High school sucks for some people; they just don’t fit into any of the groups. I had many of the same problems the OP listed.
College is better. In college people who have the same interests and drives you do will be in the same program you are in. Your peers will be self-selected in this way. Also, people who go to college are typically more ambitions, more creative (or at least driven to express their creativity more), more educated (at least by the time they get out), and arguably more intelligent (or at least more interested in intellectual pursuits). This doesn’t help you now, but maybe it will help you to hold on…
+1 on both main themes: high school sucks and your artwork is quite impressive. Try to survive for a few months and then one more year … make friends where you can … and avoid the people you can’t make friends with. Things will be better much better in college.
This is actually a good point. College can be just like high school, only more so. I found college extremely stressful my freshman year. Greek life was very prominent on my campus and there wasn’t much else to do. So it very much felt like high school with the added pressure of having to formally select and be selected by which clique you plan to be a part of (and they all seem to be variations of “rich preppy jock”). And unlike high school where you just go home at the end of the day, you are stuck with these people 24/7.
Then again, things might be different at a different school like NYU.
But I don’t really deviate from the “norm” by that much so by the time I was a senior, I was in a fraternity (actually one of the house officers), had a cute sorority girlfriend from a nearby school, playing club ice hockey and basically just doing the frat guy party thing.
My freshman roommate OTOH, was kind of an oddball and basically just went home every weekend.
So a high school kid who has a very professional-looking website with super impressive artwork comes by to complain about being ostracised in school 'cos she’s emo or something?
We’ve all been whooshed folks! Who the hell links to their own website in their very first post, unless advertising her stuff is the REAL reason behind the OP.
Not her. Read it again, she doesn’t link to her own website with her very first post, or for that matter mention her artwork anywhere in it. It is only her second post though. You can read through her profile and other post to know she also said her dad is on SD, which is a 99er and she names, so I doubt this is a whoosh.
This was a big part of the problem at the university where I finished my degree(s), but it wasn’t the problem at the place I, to my ongoing regret, left. The biggest problem at both, as in so many other things, was untreated/poorly treated Major Depressive Disorder, among other things.
All of you had very good responses (except for one) and I hope my school and every other school with poor standards and expectations will change for the better in the future. I was thinking of dropping out, going to an online school (which my parents highly disapprove), being home schooled or just attending a different school, but apparently I can’t do any of those things. Since I have a better understanding now, I will try my best to get through this poorly structured learning environment until I graduate and move on to a new life that is hopefully better and will help me recuperate from my past.
Part of school is learning how to interact with others. Being an emo in a sea of waldos isn’t helping your position if you wish to fit in. And from what you’ve written you may not want to fit in. Look at what you told us: “Most of my friends dropped out, got pregnant, moved or got expelled… My best friend also ditched me to hang out with a group of really bad dudes…”
If the majority of the school body is dropping out, getting pregnant etc… then you’re in a really bad school. If not, then possibly you have a James Dean theme going (actor known for iconic image of teenage disillusionment and social estrangement). If that’s the case and you’re not a “rebel without a cause” then your image is promoting something you’re not.
Your good grades and artistic skills will carry you well into college. College is also a place where kids can take their childhood rebellion and run wild with it. That can be a good thing if you KNOW you’re doing it and you get it out of your system. It can also be a really bad thing if you can’t handle you’re new found freedoms and get pulled under with bad friends and destructive behavior.
Just a note about college. If you think your teachers don’t care about you now then you’re in for a shock in college. They are not paid to babysit.
Finally, I would advise you to stay in school and use the last year to improve your social skills. Look at it as a fun challenge and not a curse. You will need these skills for college, jobs and life in general. It will bring you the most satisfaction in your life and is the most valuable lesson learned. If you see it as a curse and not a challenge then a curse it will be.
I’m 56 and still have friends from 2nd grade. As much as I envy your good grades and artistic skill I value my friendships more. They’re all very different and it’s those differences that bring flavor to life just as different works of art do in a gallery.
