Shy and going into highschool, oil and water?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Help me. Really.

I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do. I feel really awkward. In one month I’m going to be attending school again, and it’s freaking me out. Eeeeeeek

Better explain myself.

Pretty much all started in 4th grade. A teacher of then noticed how well I was doing on the STAR tests, I got like a 99% on them. They put me in this gifted program and were talking about skipping me to 6th. I was pretty scared of doing it but being a little, suggestable kid, I was pressured into it.

Fastforward to beginning of 6th grade, I’m just as tall, smart, and raging with hormones as everyone else, but I’m set apart for being a year younger. I was NEVER teased because I was always very quiet, never smiled, kept to myself, and people knew I was witty. I was also pretty big for my age.

I’m guessing this was what started me into depression. I was afraid of talking to girls, they being alot older/more confident then me, and I really just couldn’t handle the new social pressures of not knowing anybody. Around Christmas I tried to escape school by trying to start home schooling. I discovered I had fibromyalgia and I was getting extremely depressed. I missed the second half of 6th grade.

Went to first half of 7th grade. Pretty much the same as 6th cept now I was starting to become overweight and lazier, as well as more suicidal.

I missed the second half of 7th, and eventually found a small private school with 20 or so students ranging from K-8 and was in a class of only 6, I managed to stay in there for all of 8th grade and it helped with the depression. As there were very very few people there and no girls my age, I had a difficult time learning to socialize well.

Now here I am, out of that small school, and headed to a public high school. I’ve been pretty good in the depression department, deciding rather than a short term suicide I agreed with myself to try highschool before I get too drastic. I’ve been taking klonexapine for anxiety, and it makes me feel kinda high.

As of lately I’ve been losing weight, bike riding, using treadmill, weight lifting. I’ haven’t had sugar for over 6 mo’s and I eat organic food only. I’m still slightly overweight but not really worried about that.

I know my post kinda jumps around a bit, but it’s probly just the effects of the 7 medications I’m on. I’ve really really been wanting to actually have human contact outside my family, and it seems implausible to actually think of having a girlfriend, but, hey, I guess I can wish eh.

Does it get more mundane and pointless? ;p

2

Don’t worry, just be yourself and you will make friends. There are tons of people at public high schools, and chances are many of them are just as nervous as you are about entering high school. You will find that, as you make friends, your depression and anxiety will go away without the side effects your pills seem to be having.

3

I was overweight and shy when I entered HS. I’m was scared to death of talking to new people because I was afraid they’d think I was a dork and laugh at me. But I made it through. Of course I graduated a semester early because I got tired of the people there. I just say relax. I know its scary. But just try and enjoy it while your there. I kind of became a recluse my senior year though. During lunch I’d go to the library and do my homework so I could do things I wanted to do afterschool. I had friends in HS, but the funny thing is, they didn’t go to HS. They were either out of school or dropped out and got their G.E.D.

4

Ryle Dup

Here’s a tip you will not believe right now…all those other kids no matter how popular they SEEM to be…no matter how together they SEEM to YOU are worried just as much as YOU are and about pretty much the same things as you

BTW I was told the SAME thing going into high school and thought it was a pile of you know what(at the time)…it is not until after high school you will look back and realise this is true

Oy I am feeling old now…I think I’ll go sit down in this rocker for a spell

5

Like many other people, when I entered high school, I was a clueless dork. And when I left High School? I was still a clueless dork. I went on very few (read 2) dates, and during them I had absolutely no idea what was expected of me. And really, I still don’t.

But I made a few good friends. I am still in regular contact with only 2 people from high school, and 1 or 2 seems to be about average. This being the case, the whole point of being “popular” in high school seems (in hindsight) quite a waste of time. Why care if the right people like you when you are destined to never see them again after a scant 4 years?

Experience in the world has shown me that once you graduate high school, the only people who ever mention it again are people for whom high school was the highlight of their life. If you expect your life to peak in the next 4 years, and then you plan to stick around your hometown, you better practice fitting in. If you think that you might go somewhere and do something… being an average and boring dork really isn’t such a bad thing.

And TommyTurtle’s info is right on the money. You might meet a group of people who seem like such tight friends that you could never break into the group… but then discover that they have only known each other for 2 days. They (like most of us) were so eager to make friends that they each latched onto each other, and odds are good they would welcome another friend also.

High school doesn’t last that long (even though it feels like it does) and in the long run, high school social life is not that important (even though it feels like it is). Plenty of time after high school to figure out life. Most of the clueless dorks I knew in highschool are now happy well adjusted middle aged folk.

And as you may expect, it is easier to give advice from downstream of highschool than it is to act on it in high school.

6

OK, so when I entered high school, I was fat, pimply, got picked on regularly and figured it was going to be THE most miserable experience of my life.

When I graduated, I was just a little less fat, the acne had pretty much ended and I had made an amazing number of friends and was looked on with respect by a good number of the other kids.

How did I do this? By not worrying about stuff. By realizing fairly early that, like Tommyturtle said, pretty much everybody else was in the same situation I was - new, a little scared, a little worried and trying to figure out how to make it through. I got involved in things I was interested in. For me it was stage crew, drama, film club, choir and jazz chorus - and, believe it or not, even JV football (that didn’t last more than a year though.)

I tried not to be a dickhead or a wimp. I tried to respect people and not give the bullies and idiots any opportunity to get to me.

Sure, there were some times that seemed pretty awful at the time. And that one night when I drank almost an entire bottle of whiskey and downed almost an entire bottle of my best friend’s mom’s tranqs was probably the worst. But after my friend saved my life, things got better and looking back on them later in college, those years in High School had been some of the best I’d had until then.

It’s funny. Life only gets better. :slight_smile:

7

You should worry. It’s normal. Don’t feel bad for having anxiety–this is a very stressful move and you have every right in the world to your feelings. I think that is the most important thing for you to get into your head right off the bat.

Look into a place that teaches Brazilian jiu jitsu, judo, or muy thai. When you go off to college, you’ll be glad you have three years of the one you choose under your belt. Bjj & judo are great therapy. (Never took muy thai, though I’ve heard wonderful things about it.) Personally, I’d recommend bjj if you can find a good school near by.

Keep in mind that you really don’t want to be thinking about the short term here. This is certainly not the time to sweat drastic measures. No matter how shitty high school is, the fact remains that it is only three years, which isn’t very long at all. Seriously! You could survive three years in a tiger trap subsisting on grubs and the water you squeeze out of mud if you had to. You could do three years in prison if pressed into it. You could survive three years as a sex slave in Bangkok if it came to it. You can survive highschool. Pick up a copy of Fielding’s “World’s Most Dangerous Places” and when you’re feeling like your life is the worst, read some of it. “The Forgotten Soldier” by Guy Sajer is another book for putting your life in perspective.

If you actually are pretty smart, then study as much math and science as you can. See about learning to play an instrument–something cool that chicks will dig. If you have the strength (I don’t know anything about fibromyalgia), see about joining the cheer squad. The girls will appreciate a guy on the squad since they can use the extra strength with their lifts and you’ll get to spend lots of time with the some of the popular & pretty girls in an environment where you won’t have to worry about being shy. You’re there to do a job, not get a date.

(A boss I once had made a bet with a highschool buddy where the loser had to join the cheer squad. The guy who lost the bet became the most popular guy in school.)

The bottom line is that if you are going to love college and will completely forget about highschool. Right now it looms like a tidal wave; when you look back on it you will realize that it was the tiniest ripple in a little pond.

To sum up:[ul][li]You have a right to be worried. It’s natural. This is a big change for you.[/li][li]Start taking bjj, muy thai, or judo.[/li][li]Study math.[/li][li]Join cheer squad.[/li]Wait until you are thirty before you kill yourself. I’m actually not opposed to suicide, but at your age you simply can’t make an informed choice on the matter. You’ll have to trust me on this. Reading “The Consolations of Philosophy” might be a good idea.[/ul]

8

Hi Ryle Dup. Several people have offered good points here, so I’ll try not to repeat. But I will ask you to read again Tommyturtle’s post. It is so true.

Read the threads here and you’ll discover that many people struggled in high school; I’d guess most.

What I’m going to address is suicide. Because you mentioned it. I know, jokingly. Well, I’ve known too many to feel that even a joking reference can be dismissed.

Junior and senior high school were a bitch for me. 7th through 9th grades were the worst; after that I’d started to make friends.

Unfortunately, I ran with the bad boys, and most of us had felt quite a bit of alienation early on.

In the summer between 8th and 9th grade, one of my friends, who was going to a new school, away from the rest of us, blew his brains out. Quite final. He’d called me quite upset the night before, but I didn’t think it was really a serious thing. Wrong.

About a year and a half after high school, one of my best friends did the same thing. Over a pittance of financial trouble that was causing trouble with his wife. 19 years old.

Man, those guys pissed me off!

There’ve been a few more since then, including one I posted about here not long ago.

As I said, that part of life was tough for me, and I felt quite alienated, alone and, eventually, rebellious. And at one point my also troubled older sister asked me how she could be popular like me. WTF!?! Once again, I refer you to Tommyturtle.

So, now I’m 50 and that crap ended over 32 years ago for me. If I’d checked out like Ben did, I’d have missed all the great years of my life, of which there have been many. It really does start to get better quickly after high school.

So, stay on the board, pal. We’ll help you with it; and I think you’ll find it does get better.

9

Sadly, I wasn’t joking about the suicide part.

Another problem is, I just plain don’t trust myself. Here I am now doubting myself, which inevitably will lead to me getting depressed yet again and not talking to anyone.

Ah sometimes I just long to act natural and normal, too bad I don’t have the willpower.

10

Hey Ryle Dup, I’ve seen your post and I must go to sleep now… We’ll get back to this tomorrow.

11

“Act natural and normal”? Heh. Pants go on the bottom with the zipper forward, shirts go up top with the tag in back. Do that and you’re Jake.

It’s highschool, kiddo! It’s about the scariest thing you can do where there aren’t people shooting at you everyday. (In most highschools anyway.) If you have any interests, join clubs. If you don’t have any interests, fake it. You get a group of friends to fall back on and sometimes there are girls there. (Double bonus!)

12

I remember when I first started highschool (over 20 years ago. Yeesh.) I was pretty scared too. Guess what? The dirty little secret is that EVERYBODY is scared. Scared of a new place, with new rules. Scared because of all the b.s. they’ve heard about what high school is like (7th Grade teacher "you may get away with that in middle school, but just you wait till you get to high school, you’re going to be laughing out of the other side of your face then!)

Think of it as a chance to push yourself, a little at a time. Set goals for yourself. You’re shy. Ok, guess what, lot’s of people are shy. That’s ok. So probably the best way for you to meet people is to find activities that (1) you enjoy, and (2) involve doing things with other people. Pick 2, and try them out.

The key is to push yourself to grow and to try new things, (to “leave your comfort zone” to borrow an overused but still useful phrase) without letting go of your core values.

So, if you’re nervous about acting on stage in front of people, but deep down you know you want to, then push yourself to try it, and see what happens.

BUT If you’re nervous about drinking beer, because you really don’t want to, but you think you have to in order to be popular, then DON’T DO IT. I know that sounds corny, but the world is full of people who make every decision in their life based on what other people will think of them, rather than on what is valuable to them in their heart. Most of them started in High School (or actually Junior High School.) Dont’ be one of them.

Decide for yourself what matters to you, and pursue that. I think you will find if you do that (1) you will feel good about yourself, (2) that you will meet other cool people who are into the same things you are, (3) that these afforementioned cool people will like you because you have common interests, and because you feel good about your self, (4) that there will be dumbasses who give you crap [this is a law of nature, and continues well past high school, believe me], but (5) that you will not really care about #4, because of #'s 1, 2 and 3.

Keep us posted.

13

Yea, everybody is scared. And I think that if I can make friends, anyone can. Just be willing to talk to people, it’s amazing how many people you get to know when everyone’s sitting around the classroom bored before class (or during it). Also, if you have any leeway in your classes, take some that interest you. I met most of my friends in my Horror as Literature and SciFi/Fantasy classes.

14

Ryle Dup,
First of all, I like your handle. I see lots of good advice here. I suggest that you go to your building and walk around before school starts. Teachers usually start back earlier so you may be able to meet them before classes begin. This may help with some of the anxiety. You won’t have to deal with discovering the lay-out of the building, finding classes, etc.

This may sound “elementary” but it is fundamental to survival - write your combination and locker number in a notebook you plan to keep with you. Most schools don’t keep up with tardies during the first week for freshmen. Check though. I don’t want you to start off on the wrong foot.

I talk to lots of kids that come to our high school from small private schools. I would guess that one of the big problems they seem to have is dealing with theft. I guess, in small schools, there isn’t much theft. However, theft is a huge problem at our school. We have almost 3,000 students. If you leave a backpack, purse, phone, electronic game, CD, etc, unattended, it will get stolen. Lock you locker. Keep your belongings secure. Don’t bring valuables to school. Sorry, but this is life. There is nothing that ruins your week quicker than becoming a victim. Be smart about where you leave your stuff. Again, I hate this reality, but, that’s the way it is. Deal.

Lunch can be high anxiety for freshmen, or shy folks. I suggest that you bring your lunch so you don’t spend most of your minutes standing in line. Chances are, your packed lunch will be more nutritional anyway. Be prepared to read, just in case you end up eating alone. However, I think it would be best if you made yourself search for a “lunch partner”. You could possibly start a conversation with someone by asking for information about an assignment, if you recognize them from a common class.
Don’t try too hard. If you want to be successful socially, you must find the right “interaction” balance. Don’t be desperate. At the same time, don’t isolate yourself and don’t be afraid to reach out to folks. Be polite, patient, and friendly.

Get a planner and use it. Write down all assignments and due dates. Show up in every class with you planner.

Clubs and organizations are great because they do good work but also because they give you a chance to meet people with similar interest. Get involved.
You mentioned not trusting yourself. Give yourself some guidelines and follow them. Think about what you can give to this process. When you figure out what it is that you can give, you will have a higher opinion of yourself. Please keep us posted and good luck.

15

From someone still in high school (going into senior year, at LAST!), and is ultra-shy…

  1. I know I should tell you not to be stressed, but that’s stupid. Everyone’s scared in the beginning of Freshman year. And yes, the seniors will make fun of you, you (may) get lost (depending on how big your school is), and it will be awkward at times. For everyone. Seriously. You’re so not alone.

  2. Try and make friends. Yes, this does mean doing scary things (things I still can’t stand doing, kudos if you can do them) like going up and sitting with people at lunch. Can’t give much advice on the whole cafeteria shebang, having never opted to take lunch (it’s an elective) at my school, but just do it.

  3. Find some sort of routine. Get involved in what you want to, and be satisfied with that. Obviously, you don’t like being the new kid. So jump in when everyone’s new. I did that with stage crew freshman year - then, you’re allowed to make mistakes and stuff. Honest.

  4. Honestly, it’s going to suck. Whoever said that high school was the best time of your life probably has alzheimer’s or something. It sucks for nearly everyone. But you’ll find people who you can at least get along with. I met one of my good friends early on in freshman year - his locker’s near mine, he was wearing a T-shirt from a TKD school, as was I (different schools), it started a conversation, etc.

  5. If you’re overweight, no one cares. People may comment in the locker room when you change for gym. Tell them to go f- themselves, and do your best to ignore it. Don’t try and change them, they’re assholes for life.

  6. Dating, etc: forget it. If it happens, it happens. I’ve been in all of two relationships in my life: one with a friend who also (like me) needed a sort of emotional crutch. The other with an older guy from my TKD school, the relationship is in a state of weirdness right now. If your school is anything like mine, people will sit around and talk about what they did with their SO recently. Believe me, at least half of them are lying. Don’t go looking for a relationship: focus on friendships, which are way less likely to be all angsty and end up horrible.

If you want to talk any more about this (I can relate to the suicide thing, too), feel free to email me - 'tis in my profile.

Good luck with it all. The most valuable words for the next four years: “What the hell.” (can be a question or a statement of lack of inhibitions.)

16

If you get caught up in the whole pecking order idea of high school, remember this one question… There are always popular people in high school … but popular among whom? If you really look at it sometimes, the nerds have a bigger group of friends. It’s all in how you look at yourself.

And I’m with everyone else. High school sucks, but it’s definitely survivable and you’ll have some good memories when it’s all over.

17

You could stand on your dick for four years, if you had to. You’re gonna have so much fun in college, from parties to stimulating thought, that you will quite literally forget about high school.

Oh, here’s another idea: debate team. It won’t make you popular or get you laid, but there is no way to get smarter faster, IMO. It is a great way to feed your mind.

18

Join any and all clubs that you can possibly join. No matter what club it is, it always looks good on a college application. (That’s for your parents if they wonder why you joined so many).

Get into sports. If you’re not very good, go for track, cross-country, or any sport where they let anyone play. You will find that there are others who are just there to make friends too.

Ask for help from other “smart” people. Let them think they know more than you do about subjects. People love to feel smart and if you get the right girl at the right time, no limits to how much she’ll appreciate it.

Expect rejection and consider it apart of the learning process. A story I heard a while ago…

Rickey Henderson stole 130 bases in a single season but was caught stealing 42 times. Kevin McReynolds had a perfect season where he stole 21 bases in 21 attempts. This is also a single season record for best percentage. Rickey Henderson is synonymous with stolen bases even though he was a failure 24% of the time. No one will ever remember Kevin McReynolds for stolen bases because his record just means that he didn’t try hard enough.

The point of the story, don’t try to be perfect with girls. If you get rejected, learn from it and get better for the next girl that you are interested in. You SHOULD be rejected plenty of times or your not trying hard enough.

19

As a recent graduate, I’ll tell you one thing about being a freshman: don’t try to be popular. Many freshman try to conform to the stereotype of what a high school student is according to Seventeen magazine and Freddy Prinze, Jr movies. It’s absolutely stupid. If the upperclassmen can look past their own navels to snigger at an underclassmen, they’re going to pick on the so-called popular freshmen, perhaps because the idea itself is so absurd. I mean, who wants to be known as the captain of the losing team?

By the way, this isn’t at all a bash on freshmen in general. My senior year, I actually made friends with two freshmen (in my tennis and health classes). They were both of the “nerdier” variety (one was into computers, the other into Mu Alpha Theta), but the conversations with them were interesting–and I never would have bothered with those who thought they were hot crap.

For the record, I had zero dates in high school (unless you count junior prom, but I asked my date out as a friend and only had half a dance with him). There’s no point until you have a car, anyway. And, also for the record, I’m not hideous or stupid or cruel. :slight_smile: It’s partly because I can be shy around guys, and partly because I just didn’t see the point in wasting time trying to hit on guys when I had more fun hanging out with my (male and female) friends. Besides, It’s much better once you leave home.

20

I’ll just say that my school didn’t have all the seniors picking on freshmen stuff. Which is fortunate, we had enough problems on our own.

You know one of the best places to meet people? At your locker. If you have assigned lockers, you’ll get to know who’s around you pretty well as you jostle for position over the year(s).