And another thing - how come I can’t get no Tang 'round here?
My admiration grows, Dopers, 20 responses and almost all straight answers with no allusion to Jack Nicholson.
"You have bread, and a toaster of some kind?
Why can’t I get a decent order of scrambled eggs? They are always some sheet of eggs, dry and tastless. How hard is it to make scrambled eggs? Or fried eggs, I like them so that the yolk is just about to set, a little runny. They are always overdone, not runny at all, or completely runny.
Well damn, I just saw that. So does that mean you don’t hold me in admiration?
As soon as I read the OP I thought of English muffins…which I always request be well toasted.
The late, lamented Ship’s coffee shops had toasters on the table! Aside from the Shipshape burger, there best asset.
Right now, only 6.41% of your fellow Dopers are happy with toast that dark, so I’m guessing restaurants don’t like having your favorite toast getting sent back.
Actually its usually only in restaurants you can get utterly soggy soaked in butter toast that takes two seconds to eat.
I was fully expecting it to happen soon so I decided to step in first to break the suspense 
You admirably took another whole hour!
I can’t say I agree with the premise. I live in an area with numerous diners, and toast is pretty much perfect everywhere I go. It’s almost a given. Besides diners, I can’t think of any other restaurant at which I would even order toast.
Still working on my Nicholson impersonation - “You and Jack have a lot of middle class dreams for a couple of radicals”… from Reds. “I’m a goddamn marvel of modern science” from Cuckoo’s Nest. Gotta add “I want you to hold it between your knees.”
My mother used to refer to very dark brown toast verging on burnt as “healthy toast.” Don’t know why.
That’s the way I like my toast. But when eating brekkies out, I usually ask for the biscuits.
The issue I have is they butter the toast, the it sits in the window and by the time it gets to you, it’s soggy.
Exactly what I wanted to say. Why do they presume I want butter on my toast? That’s just weird. I mean, I realize probably the majority of people dolike butter on it but that seems something the eater would want to do for himself. 
Another vote for this. The only way to get decent toast is to sit right by the toaster with plate and butter ready to go. Pop, butter, eat. Preferably faster than you can say it.
I order my toast dry, because I’ve seen that slop they put on it. That ain’t butter.
nvm
That’s not what I voted for, but I’d like it way more than the dry bread I sometimes get.
I mostly am happy with a light brown. However, this is on gluten free bread, which seems to brown differently, and is closer to light brown with some dark bits in normal bread, so I went with that.
I’d rather it err on the side of too light, though. But not just dry and warm. If you’re going to just warm the bread, it’s better when it’s not dried out.
You can try the phrase double toasted.
Other than that I like it crispy/not hard and not black but besides that the color doesn’t matter. Really it’s no biggie.
From your pole it appears like light brown would satisfy the best, though slightly less then ideal for most, it is acceptable for most.