Fuck you, toaster manufacturers and fuck you warburton bread.
What idiot decided to make a loaf of bread with “Toastie” written on it which doesn’t fit into a toaster? I hate nothing more than that little soft bit of bread at the top of each slice where it sticks out the top of the toaster. It’s just warm and soft and floppy, its cloying moisture sticking to the roof of my mouth makes me physically sick. And the top crust, when properly toasted, is the best bit! If I wanted normal bread and butter then I wouldn’t be using a toaster, would I?
Well, from now on I’m buying the little own brand loaves which don’t stick out the top of the toaster. Then I’m going to grill them. Take that.
First, place the slice upside down in the toaster assuring that your favorite edge of the toast is cooked.
Next get a dog. That way when you chop off the bottom of the “worthless” uncooked toast - severing it from the otherwise wonderful piece - you’ll have a good friend who won’t find the morsel miserable.
So you’re pitting the manufacturer of toasters because it didn’t create a toasting device that would fit literally every conceivable bread in existence?
Well, it fails to contain Hovis and Warburton, which are the two brand leaders in this country in the sliced white loaf market. And I’ve had this problem with at least three different toasters. There seems to be a standardised size for both bread and toaster, with the standard toaster not properly containing the standard bread. It’s just a good job that cheap loaves reduce costs by reducing the height of the loaf.
I don’t spend my hard earned money on bread and toasters just to cut off the bits the toaster has negligently refused to toast and feed them to a dog.
You just need a change of attitude. Change that to: “I do spend my hard earned money on bread and toasters just to cut off the bits the toaster has helpfully refused to toast and feed them to a dog.” and you’ll be all set!
You’re British. You aren’t supposed to complain about your ubiquitous substandard electrical appliances - you’re supposed to accept them with stoicism.
Biting with your lips is called kissing. It’s like biting but without a winner. Kissing my toast isn’t something I’m into.
So you want me to give more money into the gaping maw of the toaster industry? Reward their incompetence and greed with yet more money for another of their substandard products? Never!
No, you still toast it the normal amount of time you would, it’s just that the hot spots (and parts that may not fit) are kind of balanced out. So, one piece isn’t more toasted than the other, one side of either piece isn’t more toasted than the other, the top isn’t more toasted than the bottom, etc.
Get two toasters. After placing the toast into the first one, invert the second toaster over the first. Activate both at once. Remove the inverted toaster when toasting is complete. Enjoy toast.
Two toasters is an unacceptable solution. And any amount of rotating the bread will inevitably leave the middle of each slice overdone or the edges underdone.
