Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian.
The Greeks are taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
And the Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening.
But use proper English, you’re regarded as a freak.
Oh why can’t the English…
I say, why can’t the English, Learn, to, speak!?

All said in best Rex Harrison sing/speak voice…

And the General Question, which is expected to have a discrete, factual answer, is?

Who is Noel Coward?

Alan Jay Lerner is now officially rolling in his grave.

If the OP wants this reopened, he’d better have a good story.

Closed by samclem GQ moderator