Ok so I’m making gross sweeping generalizations for effect:
I’ve seen alot of plays in Manhattan. During 95% of them I’m thinking about what a narcissistic asswipe the playwright must be. The character’s are generally mouthpieces for the playwright’s sophomoric philosophies and what is intended to be humor is often pretentious cleverness. The audience is laughing so they don’t appear to miss the joke because they are typically as pretentious as the play. I think I’ll stop going to plays. Does anyone feel the same way?
I like plays and I like musicals.
So why do I hate opera or anything to do with opera?
It is a story, with music and nice sets.
Still, I have tried to sit through a operas (Vienna, Milan and Berlin), but just cannot sit through one without wanting to run screaming from the theater. So I can relate.
However, re: your hatred of plays - some of the “newer” stuff is a bit more abstract and artsy-fartsy than some of the more classic plays - you might want to try seeing a play about material you are familiar with (a lot of off-off-off Broadway plays are sometimes nothing more than simple adaptions of books or stories you have heard of since you were a kid.) But if that doesn’t work, don’t lose sleep.
You could always write your own!
You may just be going to the wrong plays. Some are crap, others are good. You might try some of the more “underground” playhouses. I’m not sure what you have up there in Manhatten, but I wish you could have been with me when I went to see Action Movie - The Play. I think it only ran locally, but it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Picture your stereotypical action movie (complete with car chase!) adapted for the stage and performed tongue-in-cheek. It wasn’t even close to pretentious - just funny as Hell.