Acsenray, do you shake hands with people upon being introduced? Would you be taken aback by someone who refused?
Yes.
No.
But being “taken aback” is not the point. The point is even if I am taken aback, I go immediately to “Well, everyone has his or her own deal. Let 'em do what they want.” It goes double for a custom that involves something attached to a person’s body. It’s his or her body – it’s not my business what that person chooses to put on it or remove from it.
To be clear, I have no problem with people who elect not to stand for the national anthem…maybe they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses. Maybe they’re not feeling well. Maybe they just don’t believe in standing. It seems a little silly to me to stand but not to remove a hat, but whatever. However, I do think that if the argument for ignoring the custom and wearing a hat is freedom of expression, then the people around him have the right to freedom of expression, too, such as giving the hat-wearer dirty looks, or making annoyingly super-patriot comments about it. I don’t approve of that reaction, but they have the right, right?
I DO think we’re kidding ourselves if we say we don’t judge anyone by his clothes, as this New York Times article shows:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/26/fashion/26looks.html
Excerpt: "On a very basic level, judging people by appearance means putting them quickly into impersonal categories, much like deciding whether an animal is a dog or a cat. ‘Stereotypes are seen as a necessary mechanism for making sense of information,’ said David Amodio, an assistant professor of psychology at New York University. ‘If we look at a chair, we can categorize it quickly even though there are many different kinds of chairs out there.’
“Eons ago, this capability was of life-and-death importance, and humans developed the ability to gauge other people within seconds.”
It may seem like not judging others on the way they dress is the most egalitarian approach, but it’s not totally realistic. If I peek in the cabin of the airplane I’m boarding and see a guy in dirty, scruffy sweats, my immediate reaction is going to be that he’s not the pilot. If it develops he IS the pilot, my uncensored thought is going to be, “Oh, sh–t, I hope he knows what he’s doing.” THEN I may tell myself that the airline obviously trusts him, must be relaxing their rules, and that his appearance doesn’t necessarily mean he has a slipshod approach to piloting. But most people don’t go beyond that initial reaction, and honestly, since most of us see hundreds of people a day and make hundreds of snap judgements; it would be unrealistic to expect otherwise.
I’m curious. Do you wear hats at funerals?
I realize the question wasn’t directed at me, but JSYK, yes I do remove my hat at funerals.
I apologize for the hijack, but that brings up another question.
Most of the reasons given for removing ones hat as a sign of respect are certainly plausible, (and some of them are undeniably true) but none of them make much sense, as regards funerals.
I know that the custom of hat removal at a funeral, or for that matter, attending services at a place of worship, is not a universal one. ie: At Jewish synagogue prayer services and funeral services, (the ones that I have been to) there are “loaner” yarmulkes available for those that do not have one, and wish to wear one as a sign of respect for the customs of that particular faith.
I’m just wondering why there is such a discrepancy, between the different religions?
I am not Jewish, but I attended the funeral of a woman whose daughter I have dated from time to time. In the building where the funeral was held, there was indeed a large box of yarmulkes at the entrance. I did not wear one, since I assumed those were only for the Jewish men there or, at most, the Jewish attendees.
My understanding is that they’re for all men who are present, not just the Jewish ones. I could be wrong, though.
I have friends and relatives who are Jewish and I have been to weddings and bar mitzvahs. All men are expected to wear them, regardless of religion.
But at one time, many people wore hats specifically for protection. The military salute comes from the practice of a knight raising his visor, does it not? I can see that an armored knight removing his helmet (and making himself vulnerable to attack) could be interpreted to mean that the knight respects those around him not to attack, or is submitting to them?
At Arlington Cemetery (near DC), there are signs asking all visitors to be respectful due to the honored American dead buried there. Now, I don’t really think that there is a specific offense they could charge you with for just being subjectively “disrespectful” (“Mr. Smith, you stand charged with Disrespect at a National Monument (Misdemeanor), based on your alleged act of wearing a ‘Make Love, Not War’ T-shirt while standing in front of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. How do you plead?”), but there is a bit of social pressure. Though, I’d guess that if you were just being a jerk the guards could find something to charge you with.
There might be some truth in this. I think that sometimes “proper manners” is just a way to distinguish one’s self from the rabble. A gentleman removes his hat for no other reason than he knows to remove his hat, unlike the uncouth frat boys. So many manners, especially table manners (“elbows off the table!”), seem of this ilk.
This is exactly what I was told, it wasn’t a requirement that Gentiles wear one, it was to show a sign of respect. Granted, the funeral was for my girlfriends grandmother, and they were Reformed Jewish. The other sects (forms, types?) may have a different expectation of what is a requirement and what is not. I wore one as a sign of respect for the deceased primarily, and also to respect the customs of the religion, in general. 
I didn’t get the impression that it was expected, per se.
I took it as, if you’re not Jewish and you don’t have a yarmulke, and would like to wear one in order to be respectful of their customs, here ya’ go. 
CookingWithGas
I also went to a Jewish wedding (my girlfriends 1st cousin) and there wasn’t any expectation that Gentiles should wear a yarmulke. I asked about it and was told that if I wanted to, that it would be ok to do so, but it was definitely not expected of me, to wear one.
Military salutes actually seem to have developed from the original custom of removing one’s hat in the presence of a (military) superior. This devolved into merely touching the brim, in parallel with the civilian custom (especially as military headdress evolved away from copies of civilian hats to heavy, elaborate, and often chin-strapped contraptions), and finally become (like a lot of military traditions) very stylized and formalized. The hat removal element is retained by most military forces in saluting rules that forbid saluting when not wearing headgear, or when indoors (where the original custom would have been to remove the hat).
Yeah, be patient with Olde Fartes™.
My poor mother spends half her life in a tizzy because SOMEone is breaking SOME rule that SHE learned back in the 30s. Seriously, sometimes they’re just baffling.
But if you ARE an Olde Farte™, lighten up. I’ve watched my mom have a nice dinner out ruined because she’s so busy glaring and muttering at a table of Farmer-Cap-Coiffed Coots.