Why do people buy BLACK cars?

Why, why, why?

My legal guardian is a strange duck. He’s some sort of millionaire philantrophist, and he must own a few dozen vehicles by now. His favorite, however, is this hideous all-black automobile of unknown make and model. He mostly drives it at night, which strikes me as a tad reckless. I mean, wouldn’t you rather have a car which is more readily visible in the dark?

What’s more, he keeps pampering this baby, installing all sorts of computers, tracking devices and other high-tech gizmos. I’m not even sure that all of these things are legal. I suspect that he’s even packing some ordnance of questionable origin, although I can’t quite prove it.

It’s bad enough that he keeps filling the car with all these high-tech toys. Must he carry them on his person, too? I kid you not. While other people might clip a pager, a cell phone or even a Leatherman tool onto their belts, he has an entire beltful of wierd gizmos. I’m not even sure what they’re for, although I think uses some of these for rock climbing or mountain climbing. (That would at least explain the rope.)

I guess I can’t be too harsh on the guy. I mean, he did lose his parents when he was very young. So did I, which is why he took me into his home. I should be grateful, and I am.

Still… He is one psychotic nut.

  - D.G., 4/1/2002

I get it! He’s Batman!

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Batman!

Hmmm. That would explain a lot.