What is the reason people decide to have kids? It seems like there are far more disadvantages to being a parent than there are advantages. First there is the pregnancy, and all of the problems and potential risks associated with that. Then there is infancy, where you are constantly woken up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, and you spend all day cleaning up poop. Then, for the next 18 years, you have to watch after them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Raising them costs you a lot of money, strains your marriage, and it takes up most of your free time.
And all this is assuming everything goes well. What if the kid has a medical problem? What if he has some sort of behavioral problem?? What if you don’t get along with him???
What would compel somebody to want to put themselves through this?
Before all the parents jump in, allow a non-parent to sort of agree with you. I stand back, my hat off, in awe of anyone who has kids—or, more importantly, raises them well (I mean, rats can reproduce, there’s nothing magical about that!).
I would be totally incapable—financially, emotionally, temperamentally—of raising children. I don’t even particularly like being around children. Which means that when I see parents raising well-mannered, productive children, to me that is a feat akin to building Westminster Abbey single-handed with Lincoln Logs. Something I have no desire to do, would be unable to do—but I appreciate the talent and hard work that goes into it.
I’m not trying to take your argument to an unnatural end here, but truthfully, with you, Surreal, I can never tell: can you yourself think of any problems that might come from NOT having kids? Like, if nobody had kids? Yeah, there are some potential problems with pregnancy, but the whole pregnancy thing has been working out pretty well, since, hmm…the beginning of time.
I suspect that people who beat or abandon their kids were asking these questions too…
Life is hard. Kids bring problems. Kids also bring joy. The good parents are the ones who figure out that the joy makes the crap worthwhile. There’s something about a 3 year-old making a poor drawing from crayon and presenting it as a gift that far outweighs cleaning vomit off the floor at 4 a.m.
IANA parent, but as a former child, this is how I understand it.
ResIpsaLoquitor- “*I suspect that people who beat or abandon their kids were asking these questions too… *”
What is this supposed to mean?
Maybe if more people who had a short fuse thought about what might happen BEFORE they had kids there would be a lot LESS child abuse and fewer neglected children out there.
Why have kids? So that 25 years later, you can pass on the curse that has been handed down from the beginning of time: I hope, when you grow up, you have kids just like you.
Ms. D_Odds and I started young. I’m thinking along the lines that they’ll be well out of college by the time we’re 50. However, that biological time bomb has only been delayed, not defused. I’m happy with being done. Ms. D_Odds hormones are fighting with logic. Logic is only barely holding on. [The logic being that neither of us got that carefree time in our mid and late 20s, so we should at least have some ‘us’ time later in life when we’re not raising a family. However, both of us come from extended family situations, with grandparents helping the children, the children housing the parents, etc. so that may never come to pass. Still, it will be much more freedom than we currently have]
Be that as it may, the human condition is one that entails suffering, like it or not. Even the parents who DO think about “what might happen” aren’t necessarily prepared for parenthood. Parenthood is learned, not ingrained. Your lot in life determines the degree of suffering you deal with, but there’s always going to be some pain or hardship in life regardless. Parenthood includes this, and I’m sure that even the best of parents who DO think about the sacrifices it entails aren’t entirely prepared for some of the difficulties down the road. That’s when the depressing questions start: “Why did I give up _____ for these kids?”
There’s two ways to deal with suffering in life: either run from it (becoming a drug addict, committing suicide, dumping your wife because the marriage became “boring”…or hey, abandoning your kids because suddenly they’re not cute and cuddly anymore) or, do the responsible thing and embrace it.
Look, suffering and hardship sucks either way, but there’s a reason why society admires the parent who watches her child’s fever through the night, while it despises the one who tosses a newborn in a dumpster. Think about it.
I understand that sentiment and heard the same thing from some friends who were 8 1/2 months pregnant on 9/11. But you know, I felt such joy when I heard about babies being born after 9/11. The world goes on, humanity keeps being reborn, miracles still happen. And this weekend at the zoo playground, I watched the toddlers running around and just thought about how they are the future and maybe one of them would cure cancer and one of them would write great music or one of them would have a way at smiling at her patrons in the grocery store than made their day.
Because there’s nothing I like better than spending all evening cleaning up the house after The Little One has spent all day thrashing it with his toys… And then repeating it all nin hours later, the next day.
I am a proud breeder! I just keep having 'em! And when I’m done having my own, I’ll be a surrogate for gay couples so I don’t ever have to stop!
OK, fun aside. I have kids because I love them. It is the kind of intense emotional bond that someone like surreal can’t even fathom, probably. In fact, why the hell did your mom have kids?
The “surrogate for gay couples” thing is real, BTW. I wish I could, but they have an age cut-off (I am 34) and my husband the attorney wouldn’t go for it.
Despite the dubious nature of the OP (which would normally make me avoid it like the plague), I’d like to echo Eve’s sentiments, here…
I happen to think that I was absolutely born and charged by God Herself to be the Wacky Aunt figure in the lives of children everywhere. I am absolutely inspired by such figures in literature, TV and film. I am thrilled to death by my sister’s twin toddlers, and can’t wait until they get old enough to stay with me in the summers. I keep kids I find in random places. I liked being a high school teacher. :eek:
I love kids, and they love me.
HOWEVAH.
Being “good with kids” does not mean that I’d be a good MOTHER. As Eve said, being a good mother (or father) is a feat greater than The Big Bang (but it often begins with a big bang… ;)). Besides, the main reasons that kids and I love each other is because I can give them back to their parents when we start to get sick of each other.
So I have to say that even though I’m certainly thrilled for other people to have kids (and I think ResIpsaLoquitor hit the nail on the head as far as the reasons to have kids), if one more person says, “You’re so good at this… YOU need a child of your own!” to me, I may just borrow a few lines from the OP in my rebuttal.
