Why do people need to "put down" things they don't like?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Thanks to the folks who came back to this thread to examine my question. I get in situations like this once in awhile, mainly about trivial things like music. I don’t like country music. I can’t identify with it, it doesn’t speak to me or my life experience, etc. People often try to get me interested in country music, but it’s a lost cause. It doesn’t appeal to me, I’m not getting into it, no matter how amazing it may be. It doesn’t amaze me.

When these conversations come up, I’m always careful to say that it doesn’t appeal to me, and a bit of why, so I’m not automatically offending the person, and I haven’t put them or their taste down. But it’s never taken that way. It gets turned around so that now there’s something wrong with me because I fail to grasp the brilliance of Garth Brooks or whoever it is. You can’t win!

42

My take on this is, if you put something down but are not mean about it, it’s really just another way of saying you don’t care for it. Life’s too short for lousy restaurants, bad music, and substandard coffee or liquor.

43

[QUOTE=fishbicycle]
Thanks to the folks who came back to this thread to examine my question. I get in situations like this once in awhile, mainly about trivial things like music. I don’t like country music. I can’t identify with it, it doesn’t speak to me or my life experience, etc. People often try to get me interested in country music, but it’s a lost cause. It doesn’t appeal to me, I’m not getting into it, no matter how amazing it may be. It doesn’t amaze me.

When these conversations come up, I’m always careful to say that it doesn’t appeal to me, and a bit of why, so I’m not automatically offending the person, and I haven’t put them or their taste down. But it’s never taken that way. It gets turned around so that now there’s something wrong with me because I fail to grasp the brilliance of Garth Brooks or whoever it is. You can’t win!
[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Even if you explain, it will still be considered a put-down of the other person’s tastes. So just saying “XXXXX sucks!” saves time and effort all around. And face it…there are times when the other person’s tastes are just plain wrong! :smiley:

44

I try to reserve such for cases when it is in some way a zero sum game. For example, WalMart displaces smaller businesses, so I try to discourage others from supporting them. “Reality” TV shows displace interesting programming. The sprawl of mega conglomerate format radio means there are few jazz stations (no, not “smooth jazz”) in other than huge markets. In these cases, the offensive subject, beyond being not to my taste, is leaving less of that which IS to my taste. Whats not to hate?

45

[QUOTE=msmith537]
It’s supposed to be juvenile and irritating to the other person. To me it’s mildly amusing (mostly because I am joking around and don’t really talk like that). Especially the part where people chime in all serious with “b..b..but there are better ways to express yourself”.
[/QUOTE]

No DOUBT, brah! You know what’s even funnier? When they ask “hey, how about lunch at Friday’s?” and you fart in their stupid face! BOO-ya! Am I right, or am I RIGHT? HIGH-FIVE!

46

[QUOTE=Kevbo]
I try to reserve such for cases when it is in some way a zero sum game. For example, WalMart displaces smaller businesses, so I try to discourage others from supporting them. “Reality” TV shows displace interesting programming. The sprawl of mega conglomerate format radio means there are few jazz stations (no, not “smooth jazz”) in other than huge markets. In these cases, the offensive subject, beyond being not to my taste, is leaving less of that which IS to my taste. Whats not to hate?
[/QUOTE]

Your taste in EVERYTHING sucks.

47

This is a fascinating discussion (except the sucky parts, posted by dumb people with whom I disagree).

A friend of mine has a wife who tends to blurt things out that can be hurtful, and it’s usually something that I perceive as an attack on me, since she is attacking something I like, or attacking everyone who does not share her tastes. As a result, I don’t spend much time with them. If you don’t like Lord of the Rings movies, she will desperately try to make you feel ashamed for it. I find myself automatically trying to validate my tastes around her.

I am a fan of country music, so I catch a lot of crap from people. I learned at an early age to keep my music private. Even if it’s something all the cool kids are listening to, there is always someone who has to use your music preference as an excuse to take you down a notch. And no genre is immune. The worst victims are country and rap. As someone who is not a fan of rap, I have learned to appreciate it as a genre for other people. While I (usually) don’t enjoy the genre, it is still a form of art and has earned a massive following. That which I dislike still deserves respect, as do the creative people behind it, and the fans of it. Why waste my disrespect on something that has a proven fanbase when there are millions of easy-to-disrespect cynics who feel the need to insult everyone who is different from them?

I have encountered people who are so overcome with seething hatred that they seek out information on someone just so they can find more things to insult. This is common for abusive personalities.

Then there’s the old saying, “Oh, you don’t like x? More for me then.”

[QUOTE=monstro]
“Fridays sucks!” is juvenile and irritating, but “Friday sucks because all the food gives me heartburn” isn’t.
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An even better way to express your opinions would be, “Friday’s may be fine for other people, but I’ve had too many bad experiences there.” Then you’ve removed all the negativity from your statement.

[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster]
And another question: if you disagree with what someone says, why do they often assume you dislike them as well? Do people identify so much with things they like or do that they actually think that disliking something they like means you have negated them personally?
[/quote]

I think this has a lot to do with tact. If you say someone’s tastes “suck,” that’s an insult. But if you just say, “that’s not my taste/style/preference,” it’s less personal.

[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster]
I didn’t notice ‘feel like the top dog’ in Maslow’s needs, but maybe he left that out. You see it all the time, though - not only disliking or disagreeing, but getting actively hostile and insulting with people who differ - from people who hate people who like TGIF’s :rolleyes: - to people who kill gay people or people of other races.
[/QUOTE]

I think some of it stems from the fear that everyone who is different from us hates us, so we must “hate them back.” It is as if “their” differences are seen as extreme rebellious defiance.

I sometimes wonder if World War III is going to break out because of something as frivolous as which restaurant would be best for lunch and which music to listen to on the drive there.

48

[QUOTE=Charger]
I sometimes wonder if World War III is going to break out because of something as frivolous as which restaurant would be best for lunch and which music to listen to on the drive there.
[/QUOTE]

Could happen. For their next date, Bush and Ahmadinejad should just hang out at home and order pizza.

49

[QUOTE=msmith537]

I’m not even talking about being mean to people. If one of my coworkers suggests going to the Times Square TGI Fridays for lunch, simply putting it down with a simple “Friday’s sucks” informs them that they should never make such a suggestion because there are so many better and more affordable restuarants.
[/QUOTE]

Yea, but you’re missing out on deep fried green beans with this bias. I’d rather try deep fried green beans and enjoymy life. Life’s too fucking short. Get over yourself… that’s Buddha’s message, not mine.

50

[QUOTE=BwanaBob]
I’m not a perfect person by any means, but one thing I’ve jettisoned from my life is the need to “put down”/deride/insult/denigrate things that I don’t like, because I know that some people do like those things.

I guess I need a better understanding of the different mindsets that would gravitate towards one of the two following statements:

  1. “That’s not my taste”.

  2. “There’s no accounting for taste”.

I want to say that maybe it’s a maturity level issue, but I’m not certain.
So which statement would you be most likely to choose and why.

I’m particularly interested in why one would choose 2; do you feel your “taste” is somehow more enlightened or superior?
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To my mind, the two mean almost the same thing, and neither is pejorative.

I thought “there’s no accounting for taste” just meant there’s no way to justify judgments of taste.

Is that not what it means, then?

-FrL-

51

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Unless it really does suck.

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[QUOTE=Frylock]
To my mind, the two mean almost the same thing, and neither is pejorative.

I thought “there’s no accounting for taste” just meant there’s no way to justify judgments of taste.

Is that not what it means, then?

-FrL-
[/QUOTE]

That’s what it means in a vacuum. In social context, with certain kinds of body language and inflection, it means “There’s no accounting for <your trailer-trash> taste”.

Sailboat

53

I always go for some variation with 1, something like “It doesn’t work for me” - with much emphasis on the me.

I don’t mind when people are just being playful, but I hate these knee-jerk socially conditioned responses to certain things. Other people have mentioned Andrew Lloyd Webber and Country music – those are great examples.

54

Interesting this thread would pop up after a year of stagnation. I was scrolling through and found InvisibleWombat referring to beer preferences:

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
Most of the time I’ll state my preference instead of slamming what you like. For example, I’d be more likely to say “I prefer a Guinness” instead of “Coors tastes like dog piss.” But I prefer to be identified by what I like instead of what I hate.
[/QUOTE]
I’m the same way. Your example reminded me of a very funny memory involving beer and this topic. It was memorable because I turned the situation around on someone who did this to me.

I also prefer a beer with some body and/or character. Guinness is such an example. One of life’s little pleasures. Hell, the process of pouring a pint of it is half the fun. So yeah, I kinda think anyone that doesn’t like it either hasn’t tried it, or doesn’t like beer. I was with a girl once (far longer than I should’ve been) who did just the sort of thing this topic is about quite frequently: putting down stuff. I agree with the OP that it’s a sign of a serious developmental problem when somebody does this, but I always thought it was cute when she did it, in the kind of “aww, she thinks she’s being cute” kinda way. And then one night at the pub, she did it to Guinness, launching into a schpiel about why it was too dark and too heavy and too bitter and too this and too that. This, of course, all coming from a Miller Lite devotee.

I didn’t let myself get upset. I basically smiled at her out of pity, not so much because of her undeveloped palette, but mostly because she’d crossed over from “kinda cute” to “somewhat annoying” to “mostly disdainful” to “why the fuck am I wasting my time and mental energy listening to this?” all in a span of about twenty seconds. I let her run her mouth for a minute or so, letting her describe in detail why she hated something so much … something she was well aware that I happened to like an awful lot. When she was finished, I simply said half-jokingly and with a smile, “Alright, I get it. You don’t like beer.”

She called me an asshole and left the bar. I gave her [untouched] bottle of Miller Lite away to someone and finished my pint o’ Guinness. And then I ordered another one. Ahh, Guinness aplenty and telling a woman off, truly one of the best nights ever. :smiley:

55

Ah, yes. Reminds me of the story of the great beer convention. The presidents of all the large and great (large is not equal to great) breweries were there. At the end of the first day, they had a fine dinner in the hotel.

“What would you like to drink with dinner?” the waiter asked the president of Anheuser-Busch. “A Bud Light,” he replied.

The president of Coors ordered a Coors Light. The president of Miller Brewing ordered a Miller Light. Then the waiter came to the president of Guinness.

“I’ll have a 7-Up,” he said.

“Sir, we have a broad selection of the finest beers on the planet,” the waiter told him. “I’m sure we have whatever you’d like.”

“Yes,” responded the president of Guinness, “but if everyone else is drinking soda pop…”

56

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
“Yes,” responded the president of Guinness, “but if everyone else is drinking soda pop…”
[/QUOTE]

I always heard it as “If no one else is drinking beer, why should I?”