Why do so many well to do pepple dress their kids up provacatively?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I’ve been cleaning the bathroom and meditating upon saying “no” to your kids.

Kids, mostly, want what they see in the stores and on other (esp. older) kids. Just the other day, my daughter begged for a pleated miniskirt that she thought was cute, and I thought was inappropriate for a small child. So how do I explain to a 4-yo about the difference between cute and slutty, the objectification of the female body, the sexualization of children, the commercialization of sex, and my feminist sensibilities about such things? Gah, it’s not possible. So I just say no, I don’t like that skirt. And no, I don’t like Barbie. And no, I really don’t like the Bratz. And…no, no, no.

A lot of people accuse parents of being too permissive and “they should just say no to their spoiled kids.” Which, in part, I agree with. I do a lot of saying no, because I have pretty strict standards. But let’s think a little more about what saying no entails.

We go to the grocery store, and see shelves upon shelves of junk food and cartoon-based cereals. In every aisle, we say no to 60% of what is in the store. We go to the clothing store, and say no to 80% of the awful stuff on the racks. We turn on the TV or the radio, and say no to MTV, popular music that makes Britney Spears look like a bluestocking, and shows that glorify sex and violence and plastic-model looks. We say no to 50% or more of the contents of Toys R Us. Has there ever been a bigger onslaught of stuff we have to say no to, and fewer things we can say yes about? Parenthood has become a constant, unending battle to keep our own society out of our homes.

Meanwhile, our kids’ friends are allowed to have the very things we’re trying to say no to, and our own family members are buying Christmas presents we hate.

Every single parent that is trying to say no has a $6 billion dollar industry to fight with. That industry is doing its very best to inundate every kid with cool (horrible) stuff to buy, and it’s gotten very very good at it.

Is it any wonder that a lot of people just get too tired? Or there are plenty of other reasons that they give in–they don’t realize just how awful the stuff is, they don’t have time, they’re more worried about their marriage or their job than this season’s clothes, they don’t want their kid to hate them, they want their kid to be popular and cool, they’ll deal with it later when the kid is older, they can’t afford Lands End or to shop anywhere but Wal-Mart…the list goes on.

I am lucky. I have a lot of friends who agree with my standards, so my daughter only complains about not having some toys. I have a family that raised me to be skeptical of all this junk. I have the resources to spend a little more time and money on better stuff. I might not always be this lucky, and certainly many people are not.

OK, I guess I’m done ranting now. Um, sorry about all that.

22

standing ovation to dangermom

23

I have three daughters, ages 23, 20, and 13. Only the 20 yo ever went through a phase of provocative dressing which occured in her late teens and was designed to irritate me. Which it did. I confiscated the worst while she was at school and it all mysteriously vanished in the neverending laundry pile - hah! I hate seeing little girls all “pimped out”, it’s not cute, and, in my experience, these little girls grow up far too quickly.

(I am not going to address the ignorant, prejudicial trailer park comment)

In addition to dressing little girls inappropriately, I have become aware of a trend in which toddlers/preschoolers are allowed far too much leeway in what is perceived as “cute” behaviors, which result in rude, uncontrollable teens. I have two nephews in particular, the oldest was raised to be respectful in thought and deed. I adore him. The younger child was “precocious” and, despite my warnings to my sister-in-law, he was indulged and taught to say and do the most outrageous things. Quite frankly, as he is now entering his teens, he is an insufferable brat. I am no longer his favorite auntie because I do not tolerate his crap. I love him, but I fear for his future, as he is mouthy and does not feel that rules apply to him.

Jon Benet Ramsey, music videos, babies having babies, well-to-do snobs with more pressing needs than tending to the raising of their offspring, and peer pressure all contribute to children dressing and behaving innapropriately. It is difficult at best to raise well behaved children, and I see far too many parents who are simply too involved with their own lives to take the time to stand up to their kids and demand compliance within reasonable parameters. I hate having to say “No” to my kids, I would love to indulge their every whim. I hate the arguments, “everyone else is…” blah, I hate grounding them and/or taking away privelleges, I hate it when they “hate” me, but I feel quite strongly that bringing life into the world requires one to do the right thing for the child, and ultimately, society.

Yikes! End of rant!

24

Oh, I have no doubt that they could, and I think they should. The phrasing I quoted makes it sound like the parents’ idea, which I’m sure it’s not. It comes from the kids and from the people selling their product to the kids, and the parents don’t mind or don’t think it’s worth it (or have tried and lost).

Bravura post, dangermom/. If I’m ever a parent I hope I have that same kind of determination.

25

I agree with dangermom and kaiwik. I have some of the type of kids mentioned by the latter living across the hall from me in this accursed college dorm. I am at my wit’s end, and just want to- Well if I said that, this thread would get thrown in the pit, but suffice to say, I hate so very much.

26

When I grow up, I want to be just like dangermom. :slight_smile:

Seriously, though, when Mr. Frail and I have children, we’re going to try to use “no” wisely and consistently. As long as you’re covering the basics (food, shelter, etc), there’s nothing wrong with simply doing without. It’s a hard lesson (I was a teenager a mere five years ago!), but a very important one.

About the provocative clothes, I agree, it’s cheaper and easier to hit the mall, and that’s where you find the worst stuff. Do you know how hard it is, some years, to find a dress that fits a teenage girl with real hips and breasts (ie, covers them)? It’s trend-related, though, and hopefully this will pass on like the jelly shoes and bell bottoms of yesteryear. Kids want to wear what teenagers are wearing, and teenagers copy the TV, so when something new comes along, the kids’ll be wanting that.

Aside from avoiding the cheap-whore clothing that’s thrust on our kids these days, I think the OP was referring to an attitude about it that only crops up in certain parents (of all social circles, of course). There’s a line that you cross where it’s downright creepy. For example, I’d maybe let my kid daughter own one sparkly top (and save it for going to parties or something), but giving her hooker makeup and porno hair so that I can show her off indicates that I’m a little unbalanced. Moms living through daughters, you see it all the time.

27

Gee, where’s that happy blushing smiley when you need it? :stuck_out_tongue:

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dangermom, have you read Fast Food Nation? If you haven’t, you should. It’s obviously about the food industry, but there’s an excellent chapter about marketing to children that you’d find interesting.

29

Thanks C3, I did read it and enjoyed it. The slaughterhouse descriptions were almost enough to put me off meat for life! (I wouldn’t really mind a near-meatless life anyway, if it weren’t for Dangerdad the Carnivore…) I’m always interested in all that marketing to children stuff.

30

Up to size 6x it is easy to find non-wannabe sexy clothing for your daughter. Beyond that, it becomes very very difficult.

I remember two Xmas’s ago, I wanted to buy my daughter a dress for the different dinners and events we were attending. I went to L.S. Ayres and there was not ONE dress that I would have even considered putting on her. She was 8-years-old for Pete’s sake. Everything there was sheer fabrics, faux fur, feathers. I couldn’t believe it. All I wanted was a pretty red velvet dress that she could look cute in. I ended up buying a 6x, even though I knew she’d outgrow it in a week. I just couldn’t find anything else.

It upset me so much that I went to see the store manager. I talked to him and told him I was appalled at the selection. He agreed with me. He said that there was nothing in the kids department that he would buy for his own daughter of about the same age. But, evidently, he does not have the power to make decisions about what kind of apparel they will or won’t sell. All I could do was write a letter to the corporate hq, and I never did get a response.

It’s even worse in Walmart or cheaper stores. The only places I can really shop for Nico are Target and Kohl’s, and even in those places they sell that trashy looking stuff. I have to really look to find age appropriate clothing for her. It’s ridiculous.

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I’m not talking about kids just happening (or their parents) to buy trashy clothing. Rather, I’m speaking of the practice of spending a great deal of money to send your kids (mainly little girls) to so called dance acadamies where they are taught provacative dances, and then adorned in very adult looking costumes. It is my observation that this seems to be prevalent in households with what would be termed upper middle class plus incomes. Why? Its not classy and its certainly not cute. Furthermore, it can set the tone for kids who end up getting involved in sex when they are sixteen or even younger. Not to mention the fact that it reinforces the notion that physical beauty is paramount, and that women are sexual objects.

32

I just wanted to say, bravo dangermom! That was incredibly well put.

I’m going to have a baby soon…This thread has scared the caca out of me. :eek:

33

I think you need to explain the connection between some of those notions, Faith is Good, because I don’t get it. I’m just not familiar with the dance thing - I know some people do it for exercise, but I didn’t know a lot of little girls were sent off to academies to do sexy dances here.

I’m not sure why “classy” enters into it. I think that’s something a lot of people are not very concerned with these days. It’s not a money thing.

And how does just dancing “[reinforce] the notion that physical beauty is paramount, and that women are sexual objects?”

34

Not to mention that Dr. Phil trafficks in scare propaganda. I wouldn’t take for granted that anything you see on his show is a nationwide trend.

Also, there are two misspelled words in the thread title.

35

Anyone else initially read this as “Why do well to do people dress their kids up proactively?” and then thinking “How do you dress up a kid pro-actively?”

36

You make 'em take a sweater in case they get cold. :slight_smile:

To the OP–could you post a link to photos or descriptions of this “sexy dancing” and provocative clothing. It’s hard to imagine what you’re talking about.

Especially as the biggest trend around here is Irish dancing. Sexy it’s not.

37

I wonder if he’s referring to the type of dancing showcased in Donnie Darko.

You know, frankly, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

38

I know what he’s talking about-those little dance lessons little girls take-ballet, tap, tumble, jazz, etc. They tend to wear sparkly leotards and flippy skirts (in other words, DANCE gear, because you can’t dance in overalls!), and they do wear make up for recitals-because they’re on stage under the lights, and you couldn’t see their faces otherwise.

39

This thread reminds me of a news story I read earlier this year.

While it’s not for adolescent girls, it’s a prom dress for high schoolers.

I couldn’t imagine letting my daughter (if I had one) wear this anywhere, much less to a high school prom filled with a bunch of hormone pumped up boys. Even the CEO of the company that makes the dress said he wouldn’t let his daughter wear it.

I’ve seen porn stars with more taste (well, I’ve heard of them :smiley: )

40

I agree with Guin here. Dance clothes show the body because you need to be able to move freely and judges need to be able to see the lines of the body. They are not “sexy”, they are simply the clothes that dancer wear when they are dancing. The sparkles are to make the dance look flashier and the make-up is neccesary for anyone on stage to look like they have a face.