News Anchorman [quietly, after breaking to a commercial]: “I think I could use some makeup.”
News Producer [standing in the control room, turns to Stage Left and yells]: “MAAAAKE-UUUP!!”
[From Stage Left comes a makeup artist, bearing aloft a large powderpuff, which she slams, without any hesitation or warning, into the anchorman’s face, and, without stopping, continues her mad dash to Stage Right. A huge explosion of talc powder envelops a three-foot radius: the anchor’s head and torso and the news desk are thoroughly dusted, and the powder’s whispy penumbra even reaches the station backdrop and the overhead mike. The camerman prudently pulls back a couple of feet, and then a couple of feet more.]
The anchorman shakes his head slightly, roiling the talc-cloud that was beginning to settle, and snorts, creating even more turbulence. Blinking, he turns aside to Stage Right, fixes on the staffer, and says, “thanks, I needed that.”
[This is a tip-o’-the-hat to some silly skit I saw on TV a looooong time ago, but for the life of me I can’t place from where or when. How long ago? For all I know, it could’ve been the second Nixon administration. If anybody else remembers anything like this bit, please help me out!]
Seriously, though, I occasionally watch a bit of the local/cable anchors, and I don’t think they use makeup at all, which is why they look so real and crappy at the same time, like the newsreaders in Tim Burton’s Batman, after The Joker reveals his dastardly plot…