Wow, I never realized what a set of landmines heterosexual dating relationships can be. I can’t speak for lesbians, but for gay men, getting laid with no commitment is a snap. You see a hot guy, you go home together and knock boots (what gay folks call “a trick”), and then maybe exchange numbers for a future rendezvous.
Well, she does have a relationship with him: she is now the woman he slept with.
<ducks and runs>
<peering around and coming back>
I think, actually, that it is and emotional attachment thing. I’ve known some girls that just had “friends with favors,” in one (and only one…so far) case, I was one of those friends. I also know a few guys that have sex with a woman and suddenly they are head over heels for them (the guy for the woman). This frequently leads to the woman asking things like “Is your friend okay?” “Is your friend stalking me?” etc etc.
I myself found that I wanted more of a relationship with the last woman I had sex with. 'Course, I wanted more of a relationship before we “hooked up” and, yeah, I figured “hey, we had sex, so this looks good for us mabey doing more things together and developing more of an interest in each other.” I was wrong, but the point is that I was interested in her before we had sex and the act, IMO, was one more thing in our growing relationship (not to be confused with romantic relationship). We were friends already. Then we had sex. See how these things advance?
I’m assuming now, though, that you are talking more about random hook-ups? If that’s the case, then…yeah, no relationship implied, forget what I said above.
I don’t get it. Perhaps this is in MPSIMS as opposed to IMHO due to the fact that it isn’t even a valid question! It’s similiar to me saying why are books made hardcover? Not all books, but some. Why?
I have had sex with many woman who expected nothing from me after and I have had sex with woman who wouldn’t leave me alone afterwards. Different people react differently to different things. These days it’s a stereotype to say that girls equate sex to a relationship. I know lots of girls who just want to get laid (sorry guy’s Im not givin you phone numbers).
And I know goboy you are going to be pissed at me for saying this but…
That is exactly the kind of behavior that many straight people associate with being gay, bath houses, Fire Island orgies, and one night stands in the bathroom of some bar. I know that isn’t always the case myself of course, and I would set anyone straight on this face to face that says so.
Now I personally do not find anything wrong with sex for the sake of simply having a good time, no strings. I’ve never had a one night stand myself because of my own sexual hangups. Mainly the fact that exposing my private parts and exchanging body fluids with someone I barely know seems rather repugnant to me, regardless of their physical appearance. I also know that I can be considered a prude for thinking this way but to give yourself over so freely to intimate acts with strangers may not only be physically unhealthy but mentally and emotionally unhealthy in the long run. I know that I am not the only person that feels this way, some more strongly about it than others of course.
My belief is that non-committal sex is fine anyway you slice it as long as it does not become a source of pain or distress for you or any of your partners. If you become obsessed with looking for Mr. Goodbar everynight and are not protecting yourself and others from STDs, then there is a problem. If your sexual habits are a symptom of some earlier pain or insecurity that will never fill the void, then you need counseling. If you are simply a cad, a player, that is only interested in wracking up a “body count” then you are probably deeply insecure or a fledgling sociopath.
My grandmother used to say “all things in moderation”. It makes good sense whether it’s about your drinking habits, eating habits, spending habits, recreational drug use or even sex.
That said, two adults having sex in theory should set some ground rules. The problem is that people are more than sex machines they are filled with feelings and complex emotions. A few non-committal little rolls in the hay do often have the potential to evolve into something more, one or both parties may become emotionally involved. Sex is after all an intimate act, which exposes more than just body parts.
Needs2know
Well, in the interests of full disclosure, back in my wilder days (i.e., my 20s), I did two of the three activities. (hint: I’ve never been to Fire Island) :0
Gay men do what straight men would do if women would let them. Not all gay men are promiscuous, to be sure, but all men, gay or straight, are horn dogs to some degree. They may not act on their urges, but they have them.
And with that statement GB I have to agree…
Caught a snip of some gay comedian one night…he said when he revealed his sexuality to his dad, he wanted to know “What is it that you guys do.” And he replied; “What mom won’t do.”
That is the answer to this OP anyway. Male sexuality is different than female sexuality. And even in our age of sexual freedom there is still a stigma attached to women who engage in sex the same way as a man. Perhaps there isn’t really anything wrong with that either. It might be more than societal. After all women are more vulnerable sexually than men because they can become pregnant.
Don’t ask me to cite this because I read these things years ago. When it comes to sex men are generally more turned on “visually”, women are more “tactile”. Men are more likely to engage in “deviant sexual behavior” than women. (I’m not sure how you define that in this day and age.) And there are more homosexual males than female homosexuals. Don’t jump me now, I just remember reading this study, one of many I’m sure. The conclusion was that when it came to many things sexuality, intelligence, etc. nature seems to “play around” more with the male of the species than it does the female. Makes since I would suppose if Mother Nature made the female a little more constant.
Needs2know
Talkin’ before stickin’ is all that’s needed.
Most non-committing guys don’t want to be hip deep in a chick for the first time and hear, “Let’s meet my folks tomorrow.”
I have been told I’m weird for a woman… I like sex a lot more than babies, and I’ve had an occasional one-nighter, plus one f*ck-buddy. I actually thought that was turning into a relationship at one point, but I realized that we were not a good match relationship-wise, but were good in the sack together. So, after some discussion, it just ended up that one or the other would call up and say ‘Wanna boff? Here or your place?’ every few weeks or so. But the key was discussion.
There were a few times early on in my dating/boffing life when I had sex with a guy and got disappointed that it was ‘only’ sex. This was because I didn’t yet know that we needed to have had the discussion that anyone who is about to get that, er, personal with someone else needs to have.
It’s the same discussion that includes talk about safe-sex/birth control. Yeah, maybe it takes some of the romance out of things, but in some aspects romance is a highly over-rated euphamism for prevaricating BS that is an enemy of honest communication. That is why I’ll never ask my husband if that dress makes me look fat unless I’m prepared to accept that he could say ‘yes’.
Some dont.
And dodgy people think that only girls who dont have common sense always asume that sex = relationship.
Usually you get if a guy just wants one night or can handle to see your face in daylight. If he tells you he loves you five minutes after he first met you that is defnitely what he thinks is the nicest way to put:“Get it here bitch”
dodgy
Kricket: If you’re a slut, then so am I.
I think women who insist up and down, “I don’t want a relationship, I don’t want a relationship, I only want sex, I don’t want a relationship” and then change their minds once the bonking has been accomplished deserve every bit of imagined pain for which they set themselves up. They give those of us who MEAN “I don’t want a relationship” or “I’m already in a relationship” a bad name.
Oh, and feel free to point your fingers at me and call me names. I’m used to it. If you think I’m immoral, you don’t know me and I couldn’t care less.
Old saw:
“Men give love to get sex; women give sex to get love”.
Hamadyrad, we swing along the same lines anyway don’t we?
Mielikki, welcome to the club sister!
goboy, a man after my own heart!
I like sex. Male, Female, both at the same time, or two of the same at the same time.
Now, on the other hand I would never sleep with anybody that didn’t know that it was a friends with benifits type thing. Of course execept my husband. Who enjoys things just as much as I do.
All acts of love and pleasure, followed by an’it harm none.
I’m a freak baby!
I would never hurt anybody, and I won’t let myself be hurt.
How can you NOT just love this woman?
<big bopper voice>: Baby, you knoooow what I like. 
I do realise that the way I am isn’t for everybody, but I don’t like to be judge on what I do.
I mean, I am open about it, but if you saw me on the street you would never know what is going on in my head, or how many different states of undress I have you in.
In my whole life, I never met a woman who didn’t equate sex with having a relationship.
None. Zero.
I’ve met a few who pretended until after the deed was done, but never one who survived the actual doing of the deed.
Since I’m married, I’m not about to go out and try to find one now, but let’s just say I have no personal experience with any such woman.
And in the process, both get screwed.
I was watching a most annoying program, Mars & Venus (It was the only fully captioned program on at the time) & they asked this very question. yeah, I have a habit of repeating stuff I have read on tv (aka Being There)…
But there was a girl here who had sex with a guy she barely knew & wondered if he would call her back. So I guess it’s a fair question overall.
You based this thread on something you saw on a daytime talk show as if the people on it are normal?
Call me what you will, but the women I know who think sex means a romantic relationship are sadly insecure people who feel they are incomplete creatures without a “lifemate.”
I have also seen the other end of the spectrum in women who sleep around indiscriminately because they have some inherent belief that they don’t deserve any better.
These women have issues from the start. They are why we have daytime talk shows.
My favorite quote of all time is “Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I will show you his valuation of himself,” from Ayn Rand.
I like sex with people with whom mutual respect exists. That doesn’t mean I want or need to be in a relationship with them. Friends with benefits works remakably well. You get to watch the hockey game, drink some beer, have sex, and sleep soundly without the risk of coyote arm in the morning. At the same time, if your life gets busy, nobody feels badly about not calling.
Granted, the women who have professed similar beliefs thus far tend to be sexually adventurous as a rule. I am no exception. They are also intelligent, strong, opinionated women with a great deal of self-respect.
I think you guys are just going after the wrong women.
It depends on what they want. Most of the guys here are not sexually adventurous, I think. So they don’t want sexually adventurous women.
Don’t ask me what I want, though, because I’ve come to realise I’ve got no choice. It’s pay for it, or nothing.
[snarl]I WILL have my own mutual funds. I will have an IRA and/or/both 401K. I do NOT want babies until I am 30! [/snarl]
I do not think that way. I will not teach any daughter of to think like that, she will know to save for a rainy day!
She will know that marriages end, she will be taught more than how to get by on your looks, she will be given the skills that “Rules Girls” can only dream of!