Why do women assume having sex means you have a relationship?

After having sex with a guy a woman often assumes (although not always) that she now has a relationship with the man.


Oxytocin, baby. Goddamned Oxytocin.

It’s all part of The Plan.

I don’t think that way.
And don’t let them in on the master plan!

But really, what is the sterotype of a woman who enjoys sex for sex, and not having someone hanging around?
I am sure there will be colorful adjectives to follow.

Why would or should you have sex with a woman you are NOT having a relationship with?

Well, maybe it’s because…nope, not going to it, almost went on a rant there. I used to find your posts humorous, handy, but lately they’ve just become annoying. And now I undestand why, when I start dating a girl, I have to have her cry on my shoulder for nights on end. If you want to f*** without meaning, get a whore, where non-involvement is understood from the get go.

As a preview reveals, there are women who just want a one night stand. If that’s understood from the start, fine. But both men and women, IMHO, are looking for more than that, and to assume otherwise is a bad choice.

I think it’s all rather subjective. Some people feel it is immoral to have sex just for the sake of having it with no strings attached. Others just like to enjoy the act without having to committ in any way after.

Seems to me you have been dating the committing type!

Are you judging me? Do you know me?
Why is it when a guy bag and tags as much ass as he can he is cool as hell in the eyes of MOST, but when a woman enjoys adult consentual sex she is a whore?
Do not judge me for my opinions.

I’m not exactly an expert but…

Sex is an intimate act. Intimacy implies a relationship. It’s probably that simple.

There are always exceptions, of course.

Kricket, I’m assuming you’re referring to my post. If so, I’d just like to say that it was precisely your post, that came up on preview while I was typing my post, that pushed me add to, and may I say, temper my post.

To clarify my post, if both the male and female are game for noncommittal sex, more power to them - it’s their choice, as long as it’s understood. Sex is very intimate and personal, IMHO, and even if taken on brazenly, should be entered into only from an informative stance.

But handy’s OP makes it sound like it should be expected on both parts that sex does not require any commitment. From my experience, that’s just not so.

Why should they assume otherwise?

I mean, there should be no assumptions on either side. Both parties should know what they are getting into. Why would men assume having sex doesn’t mean having a relationship?

If you’re having sex this little detail should be straightened out beforehand, don’t you think?

Yes, agreements should be made before the big deed.
So, by having a relationship that is purely based on sex does that make me a whore?
Agreed by both parties that there is nothing more than sex?

No, Kricket. It’s just something that needs to be decided BEFORE you have sex.

Aside from that, I agree with what Biggirl said. :slight_smile:

Falcon, there’s another facet to the problem, it goes something like this.

[Female] I’m just interested in sex.

[Male] So am I. But I’m too smart for this trick. Make me a guarantee.

[Female] Okay, I guarantee you that sex doesn’t mean we’re having a relationship.

[Male] Scout’s honor?

[Female] Yep.

Two minutes later

[Male] Well, that was interesting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go play some Nintendo.

[Female] Wait a minute, what the hell are you talking about?

[Male] (Confused) We had a pact. You guaranteed it. Remember?

[Female] Yeah, but once you f–k me, all bets are off.

[Male] Huh?

Let God Himself spit Kool-Aid in my ear if I can’t get a testimonial on this. Just you try to wiggle out of the spider’s grasp. You’ll hear all kinds of rational things from her lady friends like “it doesn’t matter what you agreed on before. You had sex with her!”

Gordon Liddy, polluter of Northern Virginia construction workers’ souls, puts it this way (and I’m sure he didn’t come up with it himself): Both men and women like sex and babies. But men like sex as much as women like babies, and women like babies as much as men like sex.

Or, to put it another way, every time a man has sex, it’s like dropping a quarter into a slot machine. Every time a woman has sex, she’s investing in a mutual fund.

It’s the thrice-damned Oxytocin, like I keep telling you.

(posting in my best cryptic handy style)

Why do you assume it’s just women? Have you had sex with an exual number of men?

Generally people assume you are in some sort of relationship if you have sex, unless you are pretty abrupt about the sex and/or you specify that you wish to have sex for fun, but are not in the mindframe of having a romance.

Frankly if someone is gracious enough to share physical intimacy with you and you neglect to specifically inform them beforehand that you have no desire for a “relationship” then no matter what your gender is you are taking the other person for granted and are behaving as a bounder and a cad.

On the one hand I wish to note just for the sake of specificity that my housemate and I are pals’ with fringe benefits but this was not something I assumed, nor she for that matter. I told her when we were just buddies that I found her physically attractive but that we made better friends and I did not wish to jeaopardize that with something I’m known to be horrible at (romantic entanglements), she said she felt the same way but did not know how to broach the matter and we are still pals with not the slightest regrets.

On the gripping hand when I met and gradually fell in love with my ex I never let here know. In fact she “tripped me” and managed to land under me in one evening, but before allowing to to get beyond a kiss I informed her that I could not sleep with her if it was a casual thing in her mind because I had feelings of another nature for her. She gave me a bit of a ribbing for that, but I had made asumptions in the past about women who wanted to sleep with me and had no wish to repeat those mistakes with her. She, luckily, had more than lecherous feelings for me so that was well and good. But that is an example of a man, not a woman, feeling just as you generalized women to feel and simply being a bit more proactive about it than most people are.

Restated: In general people don’t go about huming everything in sight (unless on vacation or in another time zone where it does not count), people have sex as a part of a relationship. It’s healthy (for the most part). Nothing wrong with a good ol’ scrogging between friends but it is not the rule.

I can’t get sex unless I pay for it. And maybe not even then. How come others can just basically walk up to a stranger, say ‘want a meaningless fuck?’ and get it?

I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaand…

Call me cynical Sid but isn’t this just all part of the game. If a woman wants to sleep with you, generally, ok, very generally, she likes you enough to consider exploring the potential of a relationship.

Guy, at this point, hasn’t thought much beyond the end of his equipment. That’s nature for ya !

Guy has his agenda, girl has her agenda and the two embark on a merry little dance. After the act, guy does his transparently obvious best to try to live to fight another day while girl tries to ‘enlighten’ him via a little emotional blackmail. Where do these cliché’s come from !

I think there is a difference between the way some people look at the sexual act. Some people always think of it as “making love,” and some people tend to think of it more as a recreational sport, that may or may not be with an “object” of affection, some may see use in both categories.

Stereotypically, women tend to look at sex more as making love, maybe because of the risk of pregnancy, maybe because of the double standard society has placed on women who think differently.

Although I grew up in the flower power/free love decade, I have always been quite reserved and would never dream of having sex with anyone on a casual basis. That is too much of myself to share with a stranger.