This seems like the natural progression of these sexuality topics I’ve been making lately. While the rest have so far been based more or less on generalities, this question is taken from a comparative point of view.
Do women generally think that sex is less important than men do?
That question applies to all scenarios: in general, in a relationship, in the single-lifestyle, whatever. What do you think?
Generally.
How many times have you heard the saying “Sex for men makes them feel loved, while women want to feel loved in order to have sex.”
Generally.
Seems like a chicken and egg dilemma unless you have both genders taking the initiative to fulfill the needs of the other, then a healthy intimate relationship becomes possible.
Generally.
Waiting for the other gender to initiate would generally tend to be a downward spiral towards a loveless/sexless relationship.
Generally.
Therefore, I think that love and sex are equally important to both genders if they want to achieve a healthy relationship.
Generally.
I don’t answer the polls because I hate all the accusations of “Outlier!” if a woman answers against the grain. I’ll risk this one and answer only for myself.
Most important. It’s the primary reason to be in a relationship. Sex isn’t just mutally gratifying, it releases all those lovely endorphins that bond one to a partner. The most loved and loving I ever feel is during afterglow. Thinking about making my partner feel really good occupies the majority of my stray thoughts. I look forward to making love to a partner more than any other activity we can plan. It’s my favorite hobby.
And just for good measure: men in a relationship tend to slack off because the are too tired to put the “work” into making love to a woman because the consensus states that women require courting by candlelight, gifts, and 40 minutes of foreplay to warm up before mutually satisfying sex can happen. If that were true, I’d get lazy, too. Marathon sessions when time allows are the best, but even a quickie followed by some affectionate words or touching creates all those warm fuzzies. Besides the fun biological reward, sex makes me feel secure and loved. Unless a medical reason makes sex impossible, I expect it as often as humanly possible, preferably daily. The two times in my life that a partner’s drive has waned to once or twice per week have signaled the end of the relationship.
Well, I’m a woman and my closest friends are women. We all believe that sex is important, not only to happiness generally but also vital to a happy and healthy relationship. If you told my women friends that women don’t see sex as important as men, you’d get a pretty strong, “Now, wait just a minute, buddy”-type response.
I can only speak from personal experience, but it seems that after all these years, at least half the time The Wife is the randy one.
Haven’t you asked this question before? And didn’t you ignore or pick holes in all of the responses that didn’t fit the answer you already had in mind?
I haven’t asked this question, specifically, no.
The bottom line is that I really enjoy talking about this stuff. I’m even gonna take a Human Sexuality course next semester so that I can finally discuss all of this in an academic setting. Hopefully the class won’t be all dudes though lol.
Although my wife enjoys sex and we have sex 5 to 6 times a week I can certainly say that sex is more important to me than my wife. She enjoys it, but can also go without. Sort of like a Sex Camel. I on the other hand cannot or I get really grumpy.
While I wouldn’t presume to ‘know’ the answer to this question, there are a few indicators that might (tentatively) point to this being true. For one thing men seem to be far more likely to pay for sex, as in there are many more female prostitutes than male prostitutes (don’t have a cite, but i think we can all agree on this). Maybe because men historically have had more money to spend (still?) or some other reason I am not thinking of.
Secondly, if you look at the thread on sexual partners the real high numbers are without exception gay men. Which seems to indicate that it is ‘easier’ for a gay man to find sex than it is for a straight man.
There should be also give some consideration to the fact that it is still more socially acceptible to be a ‘player’ than it is to be a ‘slut’. While this doesn’t mean anything about the importance women or men attach to sex, it does affect how sexual needs play out in real life (or not).
In my experience men have little trouble putting off “things that need to be done” to have sex instead. I, on the other hand, have a very hard time doing that.
For instance, when my ex would get angry with me for saying no while I was in the middle of making dinner, or doing the dishes.
You sure he didn’t have a kitchen fetish?
Anyway, based on my experience with persons of the female genre, my answer to the OP’s question is “yes”.
This has surely got to be on of the most common IMHO thread questions there is or ever will be.
Comparatively, do more people generally think that the sun rises in the East rather than it rises in the West?
To get an objective answer to the question, you’d need to ask…
Which gender tries to initiate sex most often ?
Which gender gets the most physical enjoyment out of sex?
Do females have to pretend some sort of emotional bond, or some sort of character based interest, with a man to initiate sex?
Do females have to treat men to meals, presents drinks etc. to have sex with a man ?
I’m making no point here, just asking.
To get an objective answer, you’d have to ask
Is the responder in a happy, secure relationship, or comfortable pursuing/participating in casual encounters?
Is the responder comfortable with his or her body image?
Is the responder overweight or obese thus contributing to the energy level and/or self-esteem issues that might negatively affect a desire for sex?
Is the responder from a conservative cultural or religious background?
Does the responder have a pre-conceived notion that sex with a partner requires a certain amount of bargaining or sacrifice?
Does the responder suffer from media influence that indicates women are disinterested cold fish and men are immoral horndogs?
But surely the question is about the actual genders preferences, cultural influences and psychiatric problems apart.
If someone would love to have sex anytime they could get it but don’t make overtures because they have low self esteem bodywise; it is still important to them.
And the relationship thing is a red herring, if sex is important to both genders then if they’re in a warm loving relationship with someone then they’ll continue to have lots of sex long after their marriage/bonding.
But if one of them was only following a social convention by having sex to get a partner and reproduce/have a relationship, then the sex will tail off with time; if for no other reason that the one to whom it IS important will get tired of asking all of the time, and would probably find that the ensuing sex after the asking is disappointing.
( because the partner isn’t really enjoying it.)
And yes this does happen to both genders, because this how extra marital affairs start.
But the predominance of which gender this happens to I would suspect is primarily male.
There is no separation between cultural and emotional influences and biological sex drive, humans are social animals. Of course there are numerous factors involved. A man may wake with an erection, but find his partner sleeping soundly after a long night up with the baby. Should he wake her for his own satisfaction? If he doesn’t, does that mean sex isn’t important to him? A woman may lie beside a spouse fully aroused and antsy, but if the last four encounters ended in frustration for her but satisfaction for him, she may be reluctant to pursue the act even if sex is terribly important to her.
If you doubt there are other influences on sexual desire and need besides mere biological composition, you could set up a poll. There has been a lot of discussion about this recently, and I have to wonder at the motivation behind the more argumentative posts. Participants are giving anonymous, honest answers, and others argue them into the ground if it doesn’t agree with their personal assessment. Could it be that those who feel frustrated and deprived are looking to place blame or responsibility on the opposite sex? Could it be that the frustrated and deprived just aren’t as appealing to their partners as they think? Could it be a misplaced sense of entitlement? In real life, I haven’t encountered very many friends who have trouble getting laid, and barring work and family pressures which frustrate both: sex happens pretty much whenever either party puts in the effort to pursue it. And if it doesn’t happen, the frustration of the needy party is not the responsibility of a partner or stranger. If no one wants to have sex with (generic)you: tough. Change something. Take a shower. Lose the sense of entitlement. Be nicer.
This bears rephrasing: It isn’t someone else’s fault if you are sexually frustrated, nor is it evidence of a disparity between the sexes.
I would agree with this pretty strongly as my POV on sex as a female. Sex is something that I strongly desire and view as a recreational behavior. I don’t need a relationship to desire sex, but I’ve found that some of the best sex I’ve had was within the context of a relationship. Why? Usually it’s because we’ve been having enough sex to know what each partner needs, wants, and likes. In contrast, I also really enjoy platonic cuddling with folks I’m not having sex with; there’s something nice about the sense of touch and getting enough moments of human contact throughout the day/week/month/year for my well-being.
Can we put this old saw to rest?
In agricultural based societies where women do not traditionally own property, such as our own, women have basically only had sex/childbearing to trade for security. In order to maintain security, married women have a high incentive to keep the market value of sex artificially inflated, so that men see supporting a wife to be a better value than casual relationships. This is why, for example, it is most often women who engage in the worst of slut-shaming and finger wagging- loose women threaten the value of their product. Traditionally, women have a huge stake in ensuring that sex has high scarcity value for men.
A whole mess of negative social consequences for women who have sex out of wedlock emerged out of this economy. In this situation, it takes a lot of motivation for women to choose to do that- such as earning a lot of money (which could make up for the security they risk missing out on if their sexual activity makes them socially ineligible for marriage.)
Things are changing, quickly. For example, in China, where these structures remain in place, universities usually have a brothel district surrounding them. In the US, where these structures have changed quite a bit, it’d be rare for a college student to need to pay to find a willing partner. Female sex tourism has existed at least since Victorian times, but is now rising quickly- go to any beach in the Carribean as a middle aged American lady and you will quickly be hit up by “rent-a-rastas”. Female sex tourism is huge in parts of Africa. It seems that ordinary women are now gaining economic access to the “kept men” that well-off women have historically had an interest in.
I think one thing that happens here is that we define “enjoying sex” as “enjoying sex in a way that is characteristically male.”
For example, why do we assume that desiring a variety of partners in casual encounters means that you are more interested in sex than someone who prefers to have a* whole lot of sex* with a single partner in a committed relationship? It’s like saying the gourmet foodie likes food less than the slob because he’d prefer a good meal at Chez Panisse to a dozen meals at McDonalds. Both people probably love food, but get pleasure out of experiencing it in different ways.
Personally, I’m a fan of serial monogamy. I’d prefer to have five partners for a year each over the course of five years. I imagine many men would prefer to have five partners in concurrence with each other over the course of five years. Which one of us likes sex more? Does it matter that the reason why I prefer to get deeper with one partner is that usually leads to dirtier, funner sex? I mean, you usually don’t bust out the handcuffs on one-night stands.
Likewise with marriage. We have this idea that it’s always women who are responsible for declining sex in marriage, but taken as a whole, men often lose interest as well. Furthermore, what’s usually happening is not losing interest in sex entirely, but losing interest in sex with that particular partner- how many women have said “I never knew sex could be like that” after an affair? Actually, I think what we are seeing is most humans have tendency to lose interest in sex over a long-term partnership, but women have more motivation to keep a marriage together- which is easily explained economically.