Isn’t that “playing with it”?
The classic Tallulah Bankhead anecdote:
Darling, is there any tissue in there?
Sorry, no.
Then have you any Kleenex?
Afraid not.
My dear, have you two fives for a ten?
Not a great quote. I prefer the classic
No matter how much you wiggle
Or how much you dance,
A drop or two always
Ends up in your pants
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Thread moved from General Questions to IMHO.
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Leo Bloom, how many women have you observed using the toilet and why would you?
Clearly, we need a campaign to stop this menace to society. What slogan could we use? Along the lines of “click it or ticket”. How about “fold it and hold it” or “rip it and grip it”? Oh wait, that’s the opposite of what you want.
This is not my experience at all. Do you really mean “most women” and not “old people”?
I believe that is something we only see when it happens and annoys us.
I just want to buy my @#$%&*^ TV dinner and get back to work.
When the self check out is full, I seem to have old/young men, old/young men waiting to get their wallet out until the machine bitches at them. And they can’t get the g-dd-mn money into the f—ing machine!!
Sorry.
Carry on.
I haven’t a square to spare. /flinty voice
His face! Was there any damage to his face?
Rule 34.
There’s currently an advertising campaign for a brand of toilet paper which is encouraging viewers to log in to Facebook and tell the company whether you ‘fold’ or ‘scrunch’ your toilet paper.
Um, no thanks.
When I was a teenager I used to babysit this little girl every week, and one day her dad came home and excitedly asked me if I scrunch my toiletpaper before wiping, or if I fold it. The look on my face must’ve made him realise… The reason he asked was because they were toilet training at the time, and while they always folded for her she had suddenly started scrunching, and they wondered if that was how I did it.
His face when he suddenly realised what he had asked… still makes me laugh! 
(And if anyone was wondering about the conclusion to this riveting tale of toiletpaper: I fold, the little girl had started scrunching of her own accord. And I had no problem telling her dad.)
OK, I’ve done something thinking about this, some of it while on the toilet, and here’s what I come up with (some of which has been mentioned):
- It’s something to do while waiting for nature to take its course
- It makes a little noise which can distract you or others from other noises, or from the deadly silence of everyone waiting for things to come out OK.
- It’s something to distract yourself if you have a shy bladder, and takes the attention off your bladder so nature can take its course
- The TP rolls in some bathrooms are recalcitrant and take several tries to get an intact sufficiently-long piece of TP. Why not start on this work as soon as you can?
- The TP in some bathrooms is super-thin and take great lengths to get enough overall volume of TP. We must start investigating asap to see what we’re working with.
- You know you will be removing an engorged feminine hygiene product and that it will take a mountain of paper but you’ve already started peeing so you will have to wipe yourself but There Will be Blood so you will need a lot of paper. You start assembling reinforcements as soon as you can.
I’m beginning to wonder where I can find some of this wonderful loud toilet paper. My store only carries the silent kind.
My guess:
- You’re not going to be there long enough to do any serious reading
- You’re not holding anything else in your hand.
It’s only in the women’s room. Like with the pink fainting couches, pink-tinted lighting from crystal chandeliers but instead of crystals they’re pink tourmalines, shiny marble flooring, and giggly pillow fights. Seethe with envy, penis-holder.
Interesting, I always heard this version, which I think is slightly catchier:
No matter how much
you wriggle or dance,
the last two drops
go in your pants.
I knew it!
I only brushed up against it, I swear!
Dude, I love that campaign if only for the fact that it made so many people (including me) aware that there are apparently two camps! I mean, folding vs scrunching tp just doesn’t come up, even in tmi conversations.
My mom and I saw the commercial and had a funny moment. Basically our reactions:
Me: “Hawhaw! Folds??? Who FOLDS toilet paper??”
Mom: “Hawhaw! Scrunches??? Who SCRUNCHES toilet paper??”
We then looked at each other with the exact same “WTF YOU WEIRDO” face.