Across various social media and as a general social attitude that seems almost universal when men in a relationship cheat the cheated on a women are obviously pissed at the men, but they are also often HUGELY pissed at the other woman for pursing a “taken” man and will direct most of their anger at the other woman not the man. It’s almost like women assume their SO’s have no agency in deciding to cheat.
I don’t see this attitude so much in men who are cheated on re directing anger at the other man. The primary focus anger is mainly on the cheating woman.
Why the difference in attitudes on this re where the anger is focused?
I think it is the difference in the way woman and men think about themselves.
Since I am female I can only speak to my theory on why the Wronged Woman reacts a certain way.
I think if the Wronged Woman blames the Other Woman it gives her the chance to feel better about herself. She can think her man would never have strayed if it was not for the evil Other Woman. If her man is to blame then she picked a jerk for a partner or there is something lacking in her that made him look elsewhere.
In either of the two previous options the Wronged Woman failed herself.
According to Virus of the Mind, women are still holding out for security and support from their mate, especially if they have kids. A similar meme is that men are expected to cheat to spread their DNA, while women want one man that they trust to fertilize and protect them.
To me it’s quite obvious. It’s been a meme in Hollywood since day one: Men are slaves to their libido. If an attractive woman makes advances towards a man, you can’t hardly blame him for going for it. But women OTOH, are expected to have more control than that.
Yup, men are incapable of controlling themselves, have no ability to discern right from wrong, and since every woman they look at is a potential sex partner it is a given they will act on this.
If I were a dude I’d be pretty pissed that no one has any expectations of me controlling myself, it’s insulting.
FTR: I agree that the stereotype is insulting. (It’s actually a pet peeve of mine when I see it played out on tv and movies) Rereading my last post, I can see how somebody might take it as an endorsement of it.
I’ve never seen anyone in real life direct “most” of the anger at the other woman, either. I have seen women direct *some *anger at the other woman, and that seems reasonable to me. This society values relationships, and you’re not supposed to go around getting involved in the middle of someone else’s, even if one of the parties invites you in. It might be possible that women are more likely to expect other women to be decent people than men expect other men to be decent people.
I also think the meme that men can’t control themselves when a woman’s tempts them goes way deeper than Hollywood. That sort of thinking is also taught in some churches.
If you were a dude, the really sucky part would be how many dudes you meet who totally buy into the “She came on to me! how could I be expected to say no?” mindset.
Generally men separate emotional intimacy from sex, whereas it’s difficult for women. That has a lot of consequences and this is one of them. If a wife cheats it’s personal. If guys can get away with it they keep some mistresses on the side or introduce the idea of an open marriage or swinging and still love their wife all the same.
Men act that way also. Maybe not as much as women, I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem all that unusual for anybody to react in this way. It must be easier to direct your anger to the third-party instead of your SO. This is probably common in all kinds of relationships, your best friends new friend that he hangs out with now instead of you, you’re likely to blame the other guy.
And after writing that I realize it’s also easier to be angry at a member of the same sex in case you feel like escalating the situation to violence. If you don’t go overboard people tend to let that kind of thing pass.
IME, from the time I was 21 to my present 49, I have consistently attracted more attention from women when I am already in the company of another woman. Two extreme examples:
I was 25 or so, and went to a local club, alone. I asked a couple young ladies to dance, and they wouldn’t give me the time of day. The next week, I returned to that same club, but this time in the company of a female coworker (just a friend, stopping for drinks after work). Those same young women approached and asked me to dance.
About a year ago, I was having drinks with two female friends at my favorite karaoke bar, and I got blatantly hit on by a “cougar”. (I say “cougar” because her opening line was “I know I’m a lot older than you, but …” I stopped her and asked how old she was. She was three years younger than me :rolleyes: )
I once joked to a female friend that I should start wearing a fake wedding ring so that I could get some play, and she said, “That would work.”
BWUH? She explained that, for a lot of women, seeing that a man is already in (or appears to be in) a relationship is an indication that he’s … “worthwhile”, and there are some women who will pursue a “taken” man on that basis. Whereas men are less likely to actively pursue a “taken” woman.