Why do you argue in public?

In the ten years El Hubbo and I have been married, we’ve had at least four couples as friends who have the annoying and off-pissing habit of ARGUING IN PUBLIC.

I don’t mind (and sometimes find it humorous) strangers arguing in public. I do mind when it’s my friends, especially when we’re all out somewhere together and not just hanging around one of our houses.

Couples who do this, why can’t you just agree to postpone the argument until you get home? Or just stay the f*ck home and bounce each other off the walls? You make everyone else uncomfortable. Do you actually think we’re having fun seeing you bitch at each other? Are you having fun? Are your communication skills so deteriorated that you can only complain about each other when there’s someone else around?

And quit trying to get me to take sides - you’re both friends and I won’t do it!

Most common question I ask: “What?”
Most common question I get: “Are you really hearing impaired?”

I’ve been there. My best friend and his girlfriend (now wife) used to argue all the time. And my friend would keep askling me to back him up. I reached the breaking point on a night when we were supposed to go to a club, and instead it wound up with both of them acting like spoiled children.

The next time I saw them,I told them straight out what I thought of their behavior, and that I would never put up with that bullshit again. Sometimes you gotta treat people like wayward children to get them to behave.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

I went through that, too. I knew a couple that ALWAYS fought. She usually started it. One day, I had them and a few other people over and she started another fight (and it was always about something stupid.). I blew up. She ran out of the house and everybody clapped.

A few days later she called and asked to come over. I told her she could if she behaved like a human being. I never saw he after that. Too bad, so sad!

Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!

That is a major pet peeve of mine. The last time I was out with a couple that did that (they were even starting to get loud), I started chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”. They stopped to look at me and I said “Well, everyone around probobly figures you’re practicing, right?” They stopped, turned very red and it hasn’t happened again. Some people have no fucking common sense at all.

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips (stolen from matt’s webpage)

If someone doesn’t have enough self control to treat their SO with respect, why would they have enough self-control to postpone the argument? Arguments like the ones you described aren’t based upon reason but on emotion, and few people can postpone emotion.

Oh YEAH! One of my pet peeves. Why the HELL do people stay together if they can’t even fucking be civil?

I know one couple that are always fighting. And I’m mean ALWAYS. Here is a true example of one of their fights. In the middle of a grocery store. Loudly.

Him: I need a couple of dollars for lunch tomorrow.

Her: No

Him: dammit, what the hell am I supposed to eat?

Her: What did you do with the $2.50 I gave you yesterday?

Him: Bought donuts and coffe this morning.

Her: Loud, long, vein popping rant about his wasteful ways

Him: Loud long, vein popping rant about her stingy ways

I’m thinking, WTF?

My husband and I are not the picture perfect couple. We argue about stuff. But we NEVER argue in front of people. Anyone. Not even the kids. It would be SO mortifying and hurtful to me for my husband to fight with me in front of friends/family, and much more so in front of strangers.

Does anyone know WHY people who obviously have so little respect and kind feelings toward each other would stay together? Do any of you out there do this? If so, please explain this baffling thing to me.


I wish that someone who does this would respond to this topic.

If my husband and I were having that big of an argument, highly emotional or not, we would either stay home and continue the argument (Shit, I’d be in such a bad mood, I wouldn’t want to go out!) or we’d agree not to talk about it. Are we the exception? I guess we just try to remember that we love each other, that we want each other to be happy and that we’d like to live in a peaceful environment.

Don’t even get me started on Drama Queens(and Kings) who enjoy this kind of crap in their lives.

I guess this is a dumb question. People who argue in public have probably always done so. They obviously don’t think it’s embarrassing at all. Maybe I should just tell them how uncomfortable they make me. Some people have to be smacked upside their silly heads before they get anything.

Counting my lucky stars that I can communicate effectively with my SO… Canthearya

P.S. Just so I don’t get flamed for not flaming, here is my obligatory irrational statement: People who argue in public should be sent to Hell without their genitals! F*cking a**holes!!!

I have a friend who does this with her husband constantly. No, I don’t invite them over anymore. Got way too loud and predictable.

Anyway, having known her for so long, I can offer a WAG - I think it’s because they (the idiots arguing) are very insecure. They only feel “validated” (God I hate that word) when their SO pays attention to them. This is hard to explain. Maybe an example will work.

S (my friend) picks a fight with B in public. As B does the best he can to appease S by showering all types of public displays of affection and remorse on her, S can then proudly hold her head up and say “See? I am a woman who is really wanted and loved by this man! Look at all the attention I am getting! Boy - I must really be important!” (S has always had a very low self image, btw) and voila! Her self esteem and self worth goes through the roof.

Or not. What the hell do I know.

“When I was seventeen…I had a very good beer…”

  • Homer Simpson

Nope, I agree. I’ve seen it before and it could be the problem here too…

Well…umm…I don’t habitually argue with my SO in public, but what am I supposed to do when he says or does something offensive? Just let him do it? NO WAY. I’m nobody’s doormat, & I think it’s dishonest to myself to just b all happy & Stepford like nothing’s wrong, just because there’s other people around.

I mean, I never, ever raise my voice at him or cry or anything like that, but I will speak sharply to him or lower the temperature of my conversation to subzero if the occasion merits it, & I don’t want to hang around with anyone who doesn’t accept that I’m not a happy sunshiny person all the time.

I don’t think people have a problem with what you do- if my husband says something stupid or offensive, I make sure he knows it. (But discretely)
What I hate (personally) are the bickerers. These people know who they are. Can’t agree on anything. Treat each other with total disrespect. Curse at each other. My spouse isn’t my child, and I would not publicly humiliate him or argue in front of other people they way I’ve seen done.

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips (stolen from matt’s webpage)

My husband argues with me in public. He’s even done it here on the MB. (In that respect, anytime he’s done it, I’ve stopped posting to that particular topic.)

In real life public, I suppose he just needs to win the argument so he can be the man. When things start getting obviously out of control, I just say, “Ok, honey…whatever you think.”

If it really is an important discussion, I start discussing it again with him when we get home. If it turns into an argument again, NO MERCY.

Veni, Vidi, Visa … I came, I saw, I bought.