You are welcome. I have learned much in my multi-decade personal and professional effort to combat Wolf Ass.
I was eating some spicy chicken wings with a friend at a party and I nearly choked on a bite when he said, “I’m gonna have [his wife’s name] put Chapstick on my ass when we get home.”
Better his wife’s name than somebody else at the party wife’s name 
Or your wife’s name. :eek:
I’ll be honest, I had to read that twice. @Qadgop_the_Mercotan TY for a new term for my vocabulary!
Vindaloo is up there spice wise; as is Thai Gaeng Prik. Those have had me both crying the Call of the Wild 8 hrs later. I agree it seems age and experience has tempered the issue as I eat reaper wings now and no ill effects other than an upset stomach if I overdo it.
When I was practicing, I applied capsaicin cream to my feet before going to work. I learned the hard way not to use my bare hands, because licking my fingers, for any reason, led to rather unusual heartburn later on.
Bile and pancreatic enzymes not only break down food, but alkalize it as well (raise the pH) as Qadgop described.
What is the evolutionary advantage of having PRPV1 receptors (for capsaicin) and taste receptors in the anal region?
Do they age in ways similar to the ways on the tongue age?
@DSeid I dunno, what better way to sample what’s emerging undigested and hence perhaps avoid ingesting it in the future? That’s my wild ass guess . . .
Boys, you’ll never guess where else you’ve got taste receptors.
I wonder if it’s more a matter of dilution; even when you’re eating a spicy vindaloo, the capsaicin is in the sauce, but the chunks of meat, rice and whatever vegetables are not really impregnated with it.
So when you chew it up, you’re in effect diluting it, and then your GI tract is going to do that even further, in that whatever else you eat/ate within close proximity might also get mixed in with it as well.
Maybe that’s why post-spicy food ass pain isn’t as common or predictable as what you get in your mouth eating it?
What are you supposed to do with the bread after you use it down there?
Feed the ducks. What else did you think?
Bread pudding?
Nope, don’t feed it to birds either. Bread is not part of their natural diet, and not nutritionally appropriate.
Especially not after being used as ass-wipe material by somebody suffering from burning butt syndrome.
Ultra pedantic nit-pick: Birds are unaffected by capsaicin. Pepper plants depend on birds to eat the peppers and spread the seeds.