Is something wrong?
What direction are you trying to “eat” them from?
Jalapeno consumption will affect a chocolate starfish much like boiling a lobster will turn it from dark colors to red. There is no real remedy although you should avoid letting someone have anal sex with you right now because the urethra is even more sensitive than the bunghole.
I think this sort of thing is fairly common in some people with foods of a certain level of spiciness.
My claim to fame is winning the jalapeño eating contest at the first anniversary of the UCSB pub. My secret was to just swallow them down after minor mastication with a beer. I crushed everybody, including the Mexican guy. My roomate barfed his all up. I kept them down and I swear to God, my digestive system has never been right since. Talk about shitting acid, the pain was unbearable.
That used to happen to someone I know. His solution was to NOT eat the seeds, claiming they were the source.
Do you eat the seeds?
What happens if you eat tandoori chicken?
I tried to search for the famous “I have wolf ass” thread, but couldn’t find it.
It contained some pithy explanations about what happens when one’s GI tract doesn’t break down the capsaicin molecules in the hot food, and they survive to reach the anal mucosa.
My advice now is as it was then. Topical viscous xylocaine.
If one is unable to procure a prescription for such, scrub one’s tushie with milk (caseine will bind the capsaicin).
Tandoori chicken is spicy as in “contains spices,” not spicy as in “hot and burns.”
Jalapenos are wimpy considering some of the East and Southeast Asisn peppers, though.
And rats! Someone beat me to the suggestion that you feed them into your mouth instead. 
When I make tandoori chicken, you notice it at both ends. 
This sounds like whenever we have jambalaya served for dinner at the fraternity house. Only thing you hear the rest of the day is how much everybody’s anus is burning/bleeding/functioning highly irregularly.
My husband’s motto: “It’s not hot enough if you don’t need to put the TP in the freezer”.
Has anyone flown from Europe to America with a bout of diarrhea after a night of FRICKING spicy Thai food? No?.. Ok. Won’t share.
I thought it was normal that some food tasted the same at entrance and exit.
I think the problem is you’re just not eating jalapenos regularly enough.
No, really.
Yup. I eat chiles all the time and don’t get this problem. Man, now I wants me some cream-cheese stuffed jalapenos.
A word of warning, however that should go in any chile thread: when you handle chiles, be careful about what you handle afterwards, whether alone or with a friend. I speak from personal experience (boyfriend+tepin chiles=ex-boyfriend).
:eek: :eek: :eek: You didn’t have him dip his junk in milk or sugar water to help? (Going on the premise of Scoville Units are how many drops of sugar water it takes to neutralize one unit of the capaiscin.)
My anus went mental while staying at my sister’s, drinking her rotten cowboy coffee and forgoing my daily two bowls of raisin bran, until I realized what was wrong.
Don’t eat jalapeño peppers, simpler as that.
It was his hands, and I hadn’t known he had been handling them.
In any case, not a fun way to wrap up the evening.
Yes, something is wrong, but I couldn’t possibly say what that is - not in this forum.
Perhaps this is just a leading question, but my guess would be that yes, something is wrong. To be specific, your anus appears to be burning. I can guess to a possible solution as well… 
Once, in bandcamp…
…no wait, it was actually in Shark Bay, I once ate a pizza called “Fire-eater”. The aussies bragged about it burning as much on the way out as on the way in. Anyway, when it finally came out again, I’m sure the toiletpaper caught fire as well :eek:
I eat jalapeños all the time also, but the time I won the jalapeño eating contest, I ate something like 8 ounces of them. Perhaps you aren’t eating enough of them.
OK, next contest I’m going for a milk enema. I wonder how that will work out with my lactose intolerance. It already gives me the runs. . .