Disclaimer- I only act this way to Chick Zombies and other
offensive, in-your-face fundies. No offense is intended to Christianity. I maintain that most salvation tracts are far more offensive to Christians than anything in this post.
Carry some actual Christian tracts. When a fundie gives you a tract, give them one back.
Try to convince any fundie that they belong to the wrong sect. Quote the appropriate tracts. It’s fun to tell RC fundies that Jesus wants them to be Mormons and vice versa.
Make tracts for Satan. I made a great tract for Cthulhu (Who Can Save You? No One! When Cthulhu rises, all cities of man shall fall before him!)
Or If you are truly pissed:
Tell them you have accepted Jesus into your heart, as well as several bodily orifices. Describe in detail what you did together. This technique may cause the fundie to spontaneously combust.
Roman Catholic fundies? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Well, there are these guys. Of course, since they reject the current Pope (in part on the grounds that he accepts the false and pernicious doctrine of freedom of religion), you could argue that they aren’t really Roman Catholics any more. They would argue, of course, that they are the real Roman Catholics, not that imposter in the Vatican.
There are other conservative and “traditionalist” Catholics, who have various axes to grind with the Vatican hierarchy (supporters of the Latin mass, for example) not all of whom have formally broken communion with the rest of the Catholic Church.
The name is Tony Alamo, and I used to collect his stuff. Big black-and-white booklets with screaming titles like, “BLOOD!”. In Southern California you’d find them littering windshields like theological bird poop. Alas, Tony’s calmed down these days and switched to full color testimonials from his ministries abroad, very tame stuff. He may well still be in prison.
Wait. hold on a sec. You’re telling me that the same people that give shitloads of their cash to their church so their priest or minister or whatever can buy a new car/house/prostitute will actually stiff a waitperson of their tip, and expect to CONVERT them with some shitty little tract?
My God. I feel like my brain just melted. In what world is this considered appropriate? Exactly where in the Bible does Jesus claim that the best way to get converts is to trick them into the faith? {Church Lady}In fact, who is best known for tricking people? Could it be…SAAAAATAN?{/Church Lady}
While I agree that leaving a tract in place of a tip is a low blow, and that the main effect of pasing out tracts is to make people feel like they are witnessing, when they aren’t really doing anything, overall, I find tracts more amusing than annoying. My husband collects them, picking them up whereever he finds them, and they are often fun reads–though some on the Aryan Brother side of Fundamentalism are scary. All and all, I would rather accept a tract with a smile than actually talk to someone about why I am hell bound.
I wonder though: millions of dollars must have been spent on these things over the years. They would do better to pay people to be Christian. And I do think that it would be much more Christian to spend all that money on helping hte poor.
But they’re only a buck at The Dollar Store! Or does that help support the Godless Mohammedans?
Right up there with Pentacostal Episcopalians (when they speak in tongues they sound just like Prince Charles) and Evangelical Lutherans. Which I supposedly am.
My pastor in a recent sermon, only paraphrased because I can’t remember his exact words: “I know how hard it is for Lutherans to evangelize, but would it kill you to invite a friend or family member who has said he is looking for a nice church to join?”
Hell, yeah. The time travel one was the best.
Well, I’m thinking of fundies in particular, since most of them are anti-Catholic. Not there aren’t Catholic zealots out there coughCatholicLeaguecough
I’m just thinking that most of your Catholics-the mainstreamers, that is-aren’t too into witnessing. Trust me, I know that there are great many Catholic zealots and that many positions of the church are narrow-minded and out of date-why do you think I abandoned it?
Yeah! Just because they don’t like to litter means they’re going to read your Chick Crap.
Tracts themselves are hilarious, but I have nothing but loathing for the people who pass them out. Ugh.
What parts of the country do you find these tracts in? I’ve never seen one offline.
ITR: Well, I tend to be of the poltically incorrect mindset, so I enjoy things like that :).
Fire: Damn you…now I’ll never be able to look at a Jesus Fish again without needing a cigarette! 
I may not like fundamentalists, but as a Libertarian I have to respect their right to freedom of expression and religion and would fight against any law to ban tracts. It doesn’t mean I have to adore them!
I also have no problem with Christians who don’t try to force their religion on others. Hell, I wish there was an afterlife so that after death our lives have some meaning, but wishing doesn’t make it a reality! So it’s not like I don’t believe in a God because I don’t want one, but because I respect reason and reality and there is no empirical proof to the contrary
Dammit…let me just post that URL normally 
Oh my.
A few years ago, when taking my son out for Halloween, I Did pass some tracts out.
Nobody minded.
A guy from my former church used to put Boo tracts all over bus stations for halloween.
I agree though, it doesn’t seem anyone gets saved by these things.
:eek:
*–points to division of ass cheeks–
–points to contents of bong’s bowl–*
WHY? Do you actually think people WANT that crap?
Suprisingly, the Midwest is where I am. We get a few; I thought the frequesnt cold snaps in the winter would kill or scare away all the old people. I wonder if this stuff happens in the bible belt.