Because, despite the best intentions, nobody bothers to fill in the sign up sheet correctly. I admit last minute changes can occur (example: the bread I had planned to bring didn’t rise, so had to substitute chips instead) but if you don’t know what you will bring, don’t just write “surprise”. And if you DO bring something, try to bring a reasonable quantity.
Because half of those who sign up “forget” their items, and we end up with only 1/2 to 2/3 the amount of food we expect.
Because EVERYONE likes free food, they feel they should be entitled to help themselves, even if they didn’t contribute. This is especially true of people who weren’t invited in the first place.
Today was our loan department potluck. Because our usual out-of-the-way room was booked, we held it in the company “auditorium” next to the lunchroom. BIG MISTAKE! Since this is a company wide area, and since no one bothered to put a sign on the door (or keep the door to the room closed), we had moochers from the entire building helping themselves. With the grand result that, a spread that was supposed to last from 11:00 to 3:00 was nearly gone by 11:45. My lunch is at 1:00. I was left with potato chips, pasta salad, picked-over veggies, storebought cookies and the dregs of whatever hot dishes were brought – I don’t even have any idea of what they were, there wasn’t enough left to identify any ingredients in them. This is NOT my idea of a lunch.
Occasionally, I am NOT in the mood to participate in these. However, not showing up is tantamount to treason here. (We’re all supposed to be “one big happy family” – and when have you ever seen one of those anywhere?)
When we had the annual department barbeque, I was in such a funk (forced hilarity is the former but never the latter) I ended up making a meal of a bag of microwave popcorn – anything to avoid my coworkers and exacerbating my lousy mood.
In short, office potlucks are a waste of time. Nobody manages them, nobody stays to get to know their coworkers, they just grab a plate (piled as high as possible) and leave – especially if they aren’t a member of the department in the first place. OR the office expects one to participate and “have fun”, when one has neither the inclination or need for coworker’s company at that moment.
Of course, the most fun to be had in the Office Ecosystem is the fabled Farewell Potluck. You know the kind. The office worker nobody likes finally gets the boot, and some well-meaning nincompoop organizes a potluck for their last day at the office. Which adds awkwardness, disingenuousness, and deceit to the menu of soggy main dishes and bags of chips.
And I never know what to make. Everything I make at home is fresh, and needs to be cooked within a reasonable amount of time before you eat it. I don’t make anything that you fix the night before, for chrissakes. Bleah.
I’ll bring the chips. And if you’re lucky, some good salsa.
I love 'em. I get to practice my Martha Stewart skills and impress everyone. Last Halloween we had a pot-luck lunch and I made the “Ghosts in the Graveyard” cake.
I was the most popular girl in the place that day.
I love potlucks (office, baby showers, whatever) for no other reason than an opportunity to pull one of my favorite stunts. Granted, this only works once with a particular group of people.
I make my famous Cat Poop Kitty Litter Cake. I wish I had the recipe handy but it is on my old PC. You make a cake but change the directions around a bit so you end up with a crumbly, cat litter looking mess. You then use blue food coloring on a small amount of the cake you pulled out and then mixed it in with the rest too look like those deodorizing crystals (I swear to God, this looks just like the real thing).
Then you melt tootsie rolls for just a few seconds in the microwave and form into cat turds.
You pour the “litter” into a CLEAN (this is important ;P) kitty litter tray, place the “turds” around, then use a CLEAN (again, this part is a MUST) pooper scooper for a serving spoon. You can even get creative and place a turd on the edge of the tray to look like an “almost missed the litter box” poop.
Again, it looks just like the real thing and really looks tasty sitting there among the potato salad and 7-layer dip.
Aw, Caircair, sweetie, smart people know that the only way to survive office potlucks is to sign up for “Surprise”, and bring a big bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Every time. Why waste time and energy making casseroles for a lot of moochers? Or, worse, baking bread? :eek: Geeeeeeeezzz, girlie, you make me feel tired all over…
That’s beautiful! What a lovely idea for a potluck. (Make it even lovelier and more realistic - bring some of the cake crumbles and melted tootsie rolls, and scatter them around the other food like the cat had walked over the table. Yum!:D)
I discovered from taking food to potlucks that I eat weird food. I make delicious casseroles out of just about anything, but when I take them to a potluck, people don’t know what it is and won’t try it to find out. Their loss, I figure, but I don’t bother trying to cook anything tasty for potlucks anymore. Safeway potato salad is good enough for 'em now.
Diane, DDG, there’s a guy who calls himself the Surreal Gourmet whose specialty is food that looks like other food (vanilla ice cream shaped into a flat circle with half an apricot in the center, looks like a fried egg). And I want to make sausages in the shape of balloon animals someday. But that cake is disgusting.
Damn, here I was hoping that this would be a thread about why I hate office potlucks.
For my company, to not bring food is evidently to bring much shame upon yourself, your ancestors, and your unborn children for generations to come, as evinced by the “bring something so that your fellow workers don’t go hungry” email sent out by the frickin’ CEO!
Now I’m not a freeloader by choice, but what part of my skinny 22 year old, computer geek male self reflects any culinary skills? Not a single fucking one. You want me to cook? Fine. Just don’t come whining to me when half the company calls in sick for the rest of the week because of food poisoning. Better yet, spare everybody the pain and don’t guilt trip me (and the other guys of the company who look as kitchen literate as I) into trying to cook stuff.
[sub]Or, in my case, buying pies that nobody likes from the supermarket.[/sub]
I hate these things, not only because of the inequity - those who put a lot of time and money into preparation vs. those who bring in a bag of generic crappy cookies - but because of cleanliness. I know there are people who are extremely lax about hand-washing in the office - dunno who but I know they’re there - and I’m guessing if they don’t wash hands at work, they’re probably the same way at home. And I refuse to eat something made by dirty hands. Since I don’t know who made what or even who doesn’t wash, I don’t participate.
And even if it was a catered event, it’s little more than a feed trough where folks load their plates and return to their desks. Party on… yeah, right.
Where I work we have a potluck every Sunday due to the fact that because we are the small weekend shift, they close the cafeteria and therefore will starve if we don’t bring something from home on Saturdays and Sundays.
Saturdays we all chip in and order in pizza.
Lately we have been doing themed potlucks.
This Sunday is fetish foods. I’m bringing chocolate covered strawberries.
Thanks all, nice to see I’m not the only one who works with the dregs of humanity.
Duck duck, the bread machine does all the work, not me. Do you think I’d put hard labor into something for these people?
KK, singles bring Safeway Potato Salad, bags of chips, two liter bottles of pop, or whatever. It is understood they do not cook. I generally went to the local grocery store the night before and bought some sort of deli tray (back in my single days).
Diane, as for the cat cake, I’ll have to try it! (IF I can get my stomach to stay settled long enough.)
Maybe we should start an anti-potluck? Or, per “Music Man”: “You can eat your fill of all the food you bring yourself.”
All his recipes aren’t “faux”. This is the best one that’s on the website, fake French fries made out of pound cake, with raspberry sauce for “ketchup”.
Back when I had a “real job,” I worked the night shift with a small but motley crew. For a while we had this chick who was very paranoid – always worried that people were talking about her (so effin’ what?) – and rather snotty. We liked to have “pigouts” every so often, for no reason except to help us stay awake. She didn’t like them, though – she felt she was being put upon. (“I don’t have time to make anything!” You don’t have to, dumbass – just bring a bag of chips or a $5 cake from the bakery. we’re not picky.)
Anyway, she finally quit, and we threw her the usual goodbye potluck on her last night. (Naturally, she didn’t want to participate, but we did – we wanted the food!) We even had a theme – the menu consisted of nuts, w(h)ine cheese and crackers, crab salad . . . I would have brought fruitcake if it had been in season. True to form, she caught on and actually complained to our boss in the morning that we had been making fun of her with our food choices. We heard through the grapevine that he wasn’t happy about it, but he never said anything to us. Tee hee!
I’m in an office which loves potlucks. The more, the better. But we are generous with the allotment of chips and drinks assignments to those who are culinarily challenged or too busy to cook. Someone’s gotta bring that stuff.
