I have an ad posted at an online site; I had the picture taken at the mall with the Easter Bunny.
Here is my honest personal, I don’t think I could be more honest than that
http://www.cupid.com/_profile_myview.asp?id_member=316729
I don’t think there is any good reason to lie on them, it will just make your first meeting with someone really freking uncomfortable.
I’ll second Spring Street personals. Access is through Onion/Nerve/F*cked Company/and many other websites. Look for links.
As stated above, the questions allow folks to express themselves better as to who they are and who they are looking for. They have a bunch of canned questions, but if some are left blank they won’t clutter up the profle.
Another good feature allows you to IM with others that are online - it does cost you credits to initially contact someone, but it’s free if they contact you first.
Another cool thing is that it allows you to hide your profile but still be able to browse without being seen
I’ll report back soon to give details on a lunch date that is scheduled today 
~ciao~
feh. That’s my normal experience. In reverse, that is. I’ve never seen a person AFTER seeing their photo online; however, I do know that most digital cameras add about 5 years. If you’re under 20, they subtract about 4
Most pictures I’ve seen online of people I know make them look much older, and not in a good way either. In an ugly way. (I like good-looking older women.)
Hrm, I don’t get it… someone care to enlighten me?
Ho yes. Online dating services.
Well, last year, I tried kiss.com and actually got one date out of it, but we didn’t click. I had a better date last year with a Real Live Doper even though that didn’t click either.
However, now I’m trying lavalife, but so far not one of the women I’ve sent messages to has responded, even the ones who initiated the contact! I must be doing something wrong, or have a crappy picture, or something. If I didn’t have fifty credits tied up there, I’d bail.
Or maybe I am just that aging Anglo blob that my fears say I am… turning forty in four months is not a good place to be.
BTW, when I search, I check the ‘average’, ‘a few extra pounds’ and ‘full-figured’ boxes first. I like curves.
Jebus. Maybe it’s just a ‘thing’ with me. Yes, I understand, to the mainstream, being heavy is unattractive. Believe me, being heavy my entire life, I know it quite well. But when it becomes the bone of contention as to whether you’re going to even -talk- to people, much less -meet- them… I just don’t get it. It’s not like I’m going to murder you in an alley because we’re chatting over the internet. Give us heavy folks a chance, we’re not ogres.
Well, okay, some of us are.
And as for the murder thing, well… Remember I only promised this while we’re chatting! 
Coolest.Profile.Ever.
Congrats, DN!
Could you explain it to me? Because I don’t get it. I wanna be in the know too!
Punoqllads, exactly how many ads did you respond to? Sometimes it takes dozens before you’ll get anything back. Don’t forget that the minute a woman signs up for one of these services her mailbox gets flooded with a million responses like “YUO ARE SEXXXY. DO U LIEK GIVING ORAL?” Keep writing and you’re bound to get a good response eventually.
For those of you who are trying to get Punoqllads name, just turn your monitors over…
So, as far as fees go, I’m currently using eMode’s match service. It sounds like Spring Street’s service is similar. Using eModeMatch is free, but sending an initial message out costs 5 “credits”, after which it’s free for each of you to correspond through their service.
I like it because the fee-for-contact approach means that most guys won’t spam out a message out to every single woman on the service. Also, a bunch of eMode personality tests get bundled into your profile.
On the other hand, from my experience on this and similar online matching services is that I get one reply out of every ten messages that I send out. Maybe I put too much thinking into the messages I send out, but it’s incredibly draining for me for such a small response, and a usually negative response at that.
As for checking the “few extra pounds” button on the profile, I know exactly what you’re going through. I’m a guy. I am 5 feet tall. No, that is not a typo. Many women are turned off by guys shorter than themselves, not to mention shorter than Mugsy Bogues. Some are nice enough to mention it in their profiles, some aren’t.
The way I look at it, if a woman isn’t going to be attacted to me the way I am, then getting a date with her will at best be a waste of both of our time. At least, being short, there is no fear of either party having illusions about whether or not I’ll get taller.
Overweight folks, on the other hand, might feel that they’ll be to lose pounds, or the other person might put aside their feelings in a similar hope. While it’s possible, from what I’ve seen, losing weight and keeping it off is about as easy as quitting cigarettes.
And, yes, understanding my username usually invovles dyslexia or turning your head umop ap!sdn.
I’ve had dates with six different men since January by meeting them through various personal services. Some have been better looking than their pictures, some uglier, and some had remarkably accurate photos.
Robot Arm - love the Easter Bunny idea.
Punoqllads, I share your pain. Last year I was on two different online dating services, for a total of about three months apiece. I sent out at least thirty e-mails, and received zero responses whatsoever. It was gutwrenching to just receive nothing. Even a “thanks but no thanks” would have been preferable.
What made me doubt those services even more was a tale told me by our secretary. Her ex-husband had signed up to one of the sites I was on, shortly after their divorce. She managed to find his profile, and it didn’t contain a grain of truth–he claimed he earned $150K a year, had an “athletic build,” that he spent his spare time yachting…all lies, of course. Even his picture was from 15 years before. And he bragged to his ex-wife that he was getting loads of responses. Of course, if any of the women who wrote to him ever met him, they would have seen through it in a hurry (frankly, I’m surprised anyone was taken in by his claims). It did make me disillusioned by the process.
I was about ready to quit the whole thing, but a friend of mine pressed me to try another site. (I’ll mention the site name if anyone wants it–I don’t want to make this sound like a plug.) I was impressed that physical and financial characteristics were downplayed on the site in favor of personality traits. The site was a little strange in that you had to send mini-surveys back and forth before you could actually write to anybody, but that actually worked wonderfully, I thought–you could weed out matches that just weren’t suited to you at all, and you didn’t feel like a nobody if you were weeded out in the same way. I ended up with about 30 matches in the two months I was on the site, and all but about five responded in some way. I ended up dating three of my matches, and, although none of the dates ended up in a relationship, I did enjoy them, and all three of the women were quite charming. I’d still be on the site except for changes in my life (ie moving…)
So, I guess my advice would be–some sites are better or worse than others. Don’t give up on the enterprise entirely until you’ve tried a few different kinds.
I think that the average person in the US does actually have “a few extra pounds,” so that’s actually what I expect from a woman who claims herself to be “average” on a dating service. This is cool by me though, since I like what a few extra pounds can do to a girl’s figure.
I’ve also found that most women who claim that they have “a few extra pounds” are never honest about it… they have lots and lots of extra pounds. We’re talking serious obesity. Not only is the obesity a turnoff, but the dishonesty as well. That’s why I never give “a few extra pounds” a chance when I’m doing a search on a personals service.
Lots of people have a list of seemingly arbitrary or absurd qualities that they want a potential mate to posess, and won’t give you the time of day if they think you don’t live up to it. I certainly have one, and I know (painfully well) for a fact that women do as well. Weight is just one of those things for some people.
Lest you think I speak from a totally unsympathetic position, I have struggled with my weight as well for the majority of my life. I certainly never enjoyed being discounted because of my weight (and a year ago it began to give me health problems), so I’ve done my best to lose it and get into shape. For the most part, I am succeeding. I tend to find women with the same kind of resolve attractive, which is why I certainly wouldn’t begrudge a girl with a few extra pounds taking it upon herself to try and lose them, even if I think she looks stunning with them.
I’m 5’4 and 130 pounds, a size 7-9. “Not skinny by any means” is inaccurate for me, anyway. Numbers are meaningless because everyone is built differently and carries weight differently.
Now, as far as women down-playing their weight on personal ads… I’d be inclined to “round up” and instead of marking “thin”, I’d mark “average” (if it was an option) or “few extra pounds” (if it was not.) So if I came across an ad specifying thin build, I’d presume I fall outside of that category. It makes me think the person wants someone like the actress that played Ally McBeal, someone who is tiny; a size 0. Compared to that, I suppose I am overweight. So I would presume I’m too heavy for the guy, and not even bother replying.
Duke, I’d like the URL for that site.
Oh yeah, in regards to the OP I’ve seldom had much luck on personals services. Many of the messages I send go ignored, and my profile almost never generates a reply.
My favorite personal site was Sparkmatch, the now defunct dating branch of thespark.com. I met a few cool girls on that site who were fun to talk to even if I wasn’t about to date them… of course it was also where I met the girl who was to be my long distance crush (and I mean that in almost every sense of the word).
It was also unmoderated, so I posted a second profile out of the boredom and frustration with how little attention my “real” profile was getting. This second one was horrifically misogynist. Much to my shock, most of the response to it was either fan mail from women, or sympathetic women with a desire to trade stories of dating misery. I couldn’t believe how little of it was hate mail… not that I’m complaining, of course. 
It was an incredibly fun experience, but I don’t think I could repeat it nowadays because I don’t know of any free and unmoderated personals sites. 
There are real people on those sites- the trick to it is to figure out what’s BS and what’s not. After all, they are personal ** advertisements **!
Personally, I’ve had astounding success in having women email me- over about 10 months, I’d guess I’ve probably had 35 women or so email me out of the clear blue. I’ve emailed and talked with probably 8 of those, talked on the phone with probably 6 of those, met 4 of those and actually dated one for a couple of months. I don’t think I’m remarkably good looking or anything, and I certainly don’t make much money (I’m a grad student!)
The key to the whole thing, I think is to remember that you’re putting up an advertisement. Generally speaking, there are two marketing strategies- lowest price and product differentiation. There’s not much opportunity for being the lowest price competitor(at least for men, anyway), so you’ll have to differentiate yourself from your competition.
Get a catchy tagline. Read a bunch of the girl’s personals and a bunch of the other male personals- get an idea of what the girls are looking for and what the other guys typically say. Figure out what you have to offer that’s not typical yet fits into what the girls are looking for. Put that front & center in your profile.
Finally, don’t be super-picky. After all, you’re on an online dating site, for God’s sake! If you had the luxury to be able to only go out with super-hot chicks, then you most likely wouldn’t be on the online dating site in the first place. Also don’t be surprised when the chicks end up being different than you expected- both for good and bad!
Here’s my profile if you want to see it…
Oh, and the misogynist profile was also a big hit with bisexual girls who had been jilted by their ex girlfriends.
Thanks. I’ve even got my hand up behind his head giving him the rabbit ears (or in his case, extra rabbit ears) thing with my fingers. But the background is so pale that nobody ever notices that.
Now I know how Gary Larson felt.
That’s what the pictures are there for. So we, as “people shoppers” can get a look at the “product” to determine for ourselves who is physically to our liking.
BTW, at 5’4", 130lbs, if you are a size 7 you must be packing some guns.
In my 2.5->3 months using the online dating services I probably got emails from 15 or so “legit” people-shoppers. “legit” meaning, “not trying to lure me into a porno site”. I talked to about 7 of them on the phone and met 4 of them. None of them really looked like their pictures. Only one was truly unattractive, the other 3 were not people I would normally go for, but were attractive in their own way.
One girl had 3 kids from 3 different dads and she was 25.
One girl turned out to be very muslim. Not militant or insane, just really muslim. I didn’t ask before we met because I didn’t think religion was an issue for me but I had never dated a “practicing” muslim before.
One girl turned out to be genuinely cute, and nice, and was definitely into me, but I met her about 2 months after I got a divorce and was just not ready for anyone to depend on me for anything emotionally that fast. If I could go back in time I would have liked to have met her a few months ago because we would have hit it off for sure. Sucks, but oh well.
Then there was the last girl. The girl that made me realize that online dating probably was not for me. This girl, in her ad, said that she was “avg” size, and even had a picture (that turned out to be about 5 years, and 50lbs, old) that was a distance shot, but like I said, I am not into rail thin girls so it didn’t bother me. So I show up to meet her because she sounded kind of cool on the phone. I walk into the bar and am looking for a girl in a red shirt. There is only one in there. UGH! She had cut off all her hair that she had in her picture, I mean buzz cut, not just short. She weighed about 170-180 and was at least 3-4 inches shorter than me, and I am 5’9". Then she smiled and it was all over for me. It looked like a tooth bomb went off in her mouth and scattered teeth anywhere they may have landed. Awful. I ALMOST turned around and left before talking to her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would have felt too bad. So I said hi and we talked for a while. I told myself “Ok, 2 hours. I am gonna make myself stay for 2 hours” I started pounding beers one after another and about 45 minutes into it it got easier. She was interesting to talk to, but we were from 2 different worlds. She was a “former” junkie, had no drivers license, and lived in a 2 bedroom house with 4 other guys. She road her bike to the bar. Anyway, 2 hours later, game over and I am a better man for having stayed.
Just remembered, I did meet one other girl who I did end up having sex with the first time we met and then we never talked again after that. The sex was horrible and it was the first time I had had sex since my divorce. I didn’t even finish. Regret that one.
Anyway, I think online dating services are a crap shoot. Like someone above said, there is a reason that the people are on these services, and its not because they are ultra popular and getting hit on all day and night. I may try it again for fun in a few months now that the divorce is far behind me, but I won’t go into it with any expectations.
Oh, and for the guys, I read somewhere that the ratio of guys to girls on those services is about 7:1, so the chicks pretty much have their pick of who they want.