Oh, I love online dating services. There’s nothing so wonderful as putting up your profile and getting no emails.
And then, using their online searching functions to find singles like you (well, other than being of the opposite sex) (assuming you aren’t gay) (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and getting a list of folks half of whom are nothing like you at all.
And then, pouring through the list to find the ones who you like, and who you think could like you. After which you craft up a clever email for each, tailored to specifically address each one, since you wouldn’t want to be so declasse as to spam out the same message to all.
And still hear nothing back. And wonder, are any of these people real, or just facades placed up by the sites to pretend they have a decent-sized customer base. Or are you really that unappealing to anyone.
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Punoqllads**, look at all the threads here about dopers meeting dopers and falling in love and having little Cecils. There’s even an “honest personals” thread here somewhere. Not that I’m advocating that the Board turn into a singles bar, but there’s a lot here already. So tell us a little about yourself. Do you like Pina Collada’s? How about walks in the rain? Of course if you don’t get where that came from, that will tell us something about your age…and mine. Damn, I feel older every day.
Punoqllads, I tried on-line personal ads and had a variety of experiences, running the gamut from awful to humiliating. And so with the Voice of Experience, what I have to tell you on this matter is…
Your username is awesome! I just got it.
Seriously, I have no good advice, and I’m probably the wrong guy to ask, having given up bitterly on such things quite a while back.
But your username really is cool; that’s why I posted.
I saw a few online ads I’d respond to - if it weren’t $25/month! Jeez, I’m not that freaking desperate to meet these guys, I’ll stick to meeting guys at Disneyland if it comes down to that much money (note: I’d probably balk at $10/month too, I’m cheap like that, or maybe I’m just poor like that).
I’d post a profile, but since I discovered how match.com sucks you in with ad surfing I’m just not willing to post a profile, I’d probably have to pay to read the responses.
(shrug) That’s why you guys get no responses.
That, and some of the descriptions really give no idea of who the guy is. What do you actually do on weekends? What are your passions? Do you like or hate Broadway musicals (etc)? Do you prefer the comedy channel or the history channel?
Oh, and EVERY guy posts that he wants slim/slender or athletic builds. Surprisingly, there are a great many average to few-extra-pounds women who aren’t slovenly looking, in fact, quite attractive (remember how self-conscious we are about weight) and would respond to your ad if your exclusion of figure didn’t make you look like such a narrow-minded jerk. Not that I’m accusing you specifically of this, but after seeing every guy ad exclude even women of average build, you realize that these guys are all in a dream world (some of them SERIOUSLY dreaming, lol!) and not worth wasting $25 on.
I will tell you why guys exclude the avg size girls. Because ALOT fo the girls on those services either lie thru their teeth or truly have no idea what and avg size woman really is. I used both Yahoo and Match for a few months at the end of last year and met a few women. Some experiences were better than others, but no connections. Anyway, when you browse thru those ads you will see alot of girls that have heights of 5’4" and claim that they are “avg” build and then you look at teh pictures and the girl looks like a marshmallow! I am sorry, but 5’4" and 160-170lbs is NOT avg build. That is a large woman, or above avg at least. An avg build at that height is somewhere between 120-140 I would say. That is why guys eliminate the “avg” build, because most of the women on there are not honest about their sizes. There are a ton of “avg” size women on there who say that they have an “athletic” build. Why women do this when there is a picture sitting right next to the ad that clearly shows that they are either delusional about there size or are just lying is beyond me.
FTR, I have nothing against bigger women. I look for “avg” and below. I only weigh about 160 and am 5’9" so the “big” girls just don’t mix well with me.
See, men have no idea about women’s sizes either, that’s the funny thing. I’m 5’7", 220 lbs, and yet when asked, men guess my weight between 150-175 lbs. And I’ve had them make fun of girls who wear a size 18 right in front of me, as if I would find it funny, but since I wear a size 18/20, and they have NO CLUE what a size 18 can look like, I’m led to believe that men really know very little about women’s body sizes either.
The fact that the women in question have posted their picture for you gives you the opportunity to see the truth of their figure without having to describe it as I attempted to above. Words do no compensate for “Under the padding I have serious thigh muscles from playing ice hockey” and other weight-altering or figure-altering effects.
So what do you suggest? If I wasn’t too cheap to use the online services, should I ignore the ideals and contact guys anyway? Because goodness knows, only the ugliest guys on there condescend to wish for “average” figured girls.
Do you have any idea how unpleasant it is to have to check “a few extra pounds”? And how many searches that will automatically exclude you from on the other end? That’s why I leave it blank and put up a picture. If you can’t tell from the chubby cheeks that I’ve got some junk in my trunk, then you’ve not paid enough attention.
I’ve had relatively good luck with the personals. No everlasting love, but some fun dates.
For what it’s worth, I found the Spring Street personals to be my favorite. (They’re the ones linked from Salon and the Onion and Television Without Pity.) The questions there are primarily essay questions, so the literate witty guys really shine.
As opposed to a certain other site that shall remain nameless where all the men in my area seem to be posing either with their vehicle, the fish they just caught, or, in some special cases, both.
I don’t doubt that it is unpleasant, but if it is true then why would you not mark it? The fact that you do not mark it does not make it any less true and eventually whoever it is that you are going to go on a date with will see your size anyway. Most of the time it is pretty obvious that the women who post only a close up of their face are hiding something anyway.
FWIW the girls who tend to mark “a few extra pounds” typically should be marking the “large size” box instead. I am not saying there is anything wrong with the people because of it, but why not just be honest and save yourself, and the guys looking, the trouble of sorting thru the ads of “avg size” women who are 5’4" and 165+ lbs?
By most peoples definition I am not a “big guy”. I am not ripped nor am I particularly athletic. Personally I am not interested in dating a woman who is bigger than me mainly because I am not very big myself and that would accentuate that fact. And no, I don’t date “skinny girls” most of the time either. Most of the women I date are between 5’2" and 5’5" and weigh between 130 and 145 lbs. Those aren’t "skinny"girls by any means. I could lie and say that I will date anyone based on their personality but why bother?
BTW, all this stuff applies to guys who put up ads as well, but I have never sorted thru the guys pages so I can’t really say.
Now there I have to disagree with you. The display size for pictures on most sites (especially the main picture that appears first) is so small that a nice head/face shot is really the best kind of picture for that, regardless of whether you’re Heather Duke or Martha Dunstock. In the “more pictures” or whatever, sure, fine, include a body shot. But I hate only getting a full shot for a picture because face is more important to me than legs.
And another thing, guys…No, no, I really don’t need to see you shirtless. No, I don’t. I mean, not even if you’re ripped and sitting on a piece of exercise equipment. Can we save the tit-flashing for the second date, please?
I also weigh more than … a. The fascist media would consider acceptable; b. I would like to; c. Some guys*; d. All of the above. I go ahead and check “a few extra pounds” on sites where that’s an option; leave it blank on sites where that’s an option; and lie on sites where they ask for actual numbers.
I weigh what I weigh, and I don’t want to get involved in that particular debate. We can attribute the relatively small number of responses I’ve gotten (most women, from what I hear, have to go out and get a big ol’ stick to beat 'em off with) to the fact that I’m a big woman or to the fact that I’m an overeducated woman (Ph.D., another fact I don’t fudge), or hell, who knows, to the fact that I’ve got dark brown hair, or that I’m a Capricorn, or… whatever.
That said – I met my current bf through match.com, and I’m very happy with him. I don’t need dozens of men beating down my door; I was looking for one, and right now it seems like I’ve found him.
How many women do you need?
*I’m 5’8", so I’m not a small woman at any time
Punoqllads, out of curiosity, are you male or female?
I’ve had a few dates through match and (before match) love@aol. I never really expected much through either of them, but hoped it would at least keep me in the dating game.
Over a month ago I wrote to a woman on match who I never thought would write back. She did, and when we actually met it was incredible. We’re now engaged. So try not to give up hope even though it may seem hopeless.
Holy crap! You met, dated, and got engaged in a month! YOINKS!!
Is she hot though? Most of the hot chicks on yahoo and match that I emailed all tried to pull me into their porno sites. I stopped writing to the insanely hot chicks mainly because of that.
Just one, I only need one. And if you happen to find her could you please point her in my direction? I think she got lost.
I will agree with the original rant that most online personal listings either suck your wallet dry with fees or they suck your hopes dry when you get no responses.
I appears to me that match.com doesn’t date their ads. If you read the ad copy of what people write about themselves, there is rarely any info that gives you a hint as to the date they put their ad on.
I have seen ads that are years old. I believe that some of the people are no longer answering the ads, but the ads are kept there just to give the appearance that there alot of choices for you. Check for new ads, they are usually quite valid.
Handy, match does say when the last time the person logged on was, so you can get an idea as to how active he/she is. And, the ads are usually in chronological order, with the most recent people at the beginning and the least active at the end. Also, it’ll say whether someone’s updated their ad. I highly recommend doing this somewhat frequently, since it’ll keep you in the front of the bin when people pull up a pool with you in it.
Anyway, I hope it works out too, Stinkpalm. I had become used to people being less attractive than their photos led me to believe. I thought she looked gorgeous in hers, so I figured writing her was a long shot, and even if we met, she wouldn’t be very good looking. But when I saw her in person she was much more attractive than her photo.
Whee! So I’m not the only svelte 5’7" 200lb woman on the board!
I never disclose my weight on those online dating ads. If they see anything more than 115 they think “Hey ya fat cow!”
As for pictures, I recently made a date with a cute guy I met from cupid.com and OMG, let’s just say he is quite photogenic. Looks nothing like his picture.
Also, my friends always make fun of 200lb girls. If only they knew how much I weigh.
Of course if you don’t get where that came from, that will tell us something about your age…and mine. Damn, I feel older every day.