Oh, and I personally recommend taking a natural birth class even if you plan to use meds. Sometimes the meds don’t work, or are not appropriate for your labor, and sometimes they just get there ‘too late’ because of some delay or other. It is, IMHO, just plain thoughtless to not have every tool you can lay your hands on, including having actually trained for and practiced natural methods of labor management. I know far too many women who had to suffer because they didn’t have a backup plan to the meds option (they thought the pain meds WERE the backup plan, but really, you need both backup plans in place, no matter what you anticipate your preferences to be).
By quoting me in your post, you seem to be implying that I stated that labor pains are only the result of conditioning, which was not what I said.
What I said was that large human heads cannot slide easily through narrow human hips. This has been repeated by several other posters, including you in this post.
Pardon me if I am misinterpreting you and the conditioning comment is directed at someone else.
Hey, congratulations! That was a good deal more polite than what I was capable of at 10 weeks, and that was when people were being nice to me. If I may offer some unsolicited advice 
Get yourself to a bellydance class ASAP and tell the teacher you’re pregnant. You will get an instant support group and gentle, no-impact exercise that will help keep you toned where you most need to be. It’s fun, too. My dance training saved my first baby’s life. Seriously, I had to stop the pushing muscles moving after he was halfway out and hold him there for about ten minutes while they worked on him. Yikes.
The more you can relax and listen to your body, the better off you will be. If someone tells you to do something you don’t want to do, whether it be walk, push, or whatever, you have the right and I believe responsibility to tell them NO. Despite any monitoring, you know what’s going on in you best.
IANAD but- bring snacks in case they won’t give you food. You don’t want to seriously chow down, but you must eat to keep your strength up. Apparently they’re afraid of you having to be put under anaesthesia and throwing up. The incidence of this is so small, there is no reason to torture an otherwise healthy, normal woman giving birth.
Try to get through without drugs. I had Nubane with the first one at the doctor’s recommendation and all it did was knock me out so I fell asleep between contractions. had I been there for a couple days, this would have been fine, but as it was, I had no preparation for the pain. Imagine you’re going to get hit in the stomach. If you’re awake, you can brace for it, breathe through it, and somewhat mitigate it. If you’re asleep, not only are you defenseless but it’s a surprise each and every time. For the second one, I had an epidural and it only took on one side. My left side was completely numb, so i couldn’t get up and move around to make things go easier, and my right side had knives digging around inside it. I dealt with it better before the drugs in both cases. YMMV.
If you already have period cramps, you kow the kind of pain it is- not pain pain but more EXTREME uncomfortableness. That’s a help. Picture the worst period pain you’ve ever had. Attach it to a volume knob with that at around setting 5. Every couple minutes, your body turns it up to a 7, then 9, then 10. It will be at 11 only a few times- then you get to push. Pushing is good. It lets you DO something other than wait around.
And you get a kid at the end.
I wish you a boring, uneventful pregnancy and a healthy child.
HennaDancer
Yeah and it hurts a whole lot less when you are actively pushing than when you are trying to wait until you dilate.
Except that it’s not simply a “contraction” in the sense that the heart contracts to pump blood or the facial muscles contract in order to smile or blink. It’s more like a charley-horse in ever-increasing intensity/duration/frequency until it squeezes the baby out the birth canal, an experience which is, I’d imagine, akin to a man passing a large-ish kidney stone. I found the contractions to much more painful than the actual passing the baby through the canal.
mmm…
I have not heard that logic before but I had bad cramps due to endometriosis and labor was, in fact, easier than some of my periods. And do not apologize for wanting some education. I, too, assumed that you were male–don’t know why!–but I heartily apologize for making that assumption. Best of luck to you!
mmm…
** *AMEN!!! * ** As a fellow sufferer of endometriosis, I can say, without a doubt, that it’s the worst goddam agony in the world. My mother, who nearly died birthing me, agrees that she’d rather go through heavy labor pains each month than the hideous, rolling-on-the-floor-screaming-and-puking agony of endometriosis cramps. When gipped with endometriosis cramps, you’re not only thinking you’re going to die, you’re hoping you’re going to die.
Had I not found a treatment for my endometriosis which worked, I would have searched the earth for a doctor who would give me a hysterectomy rather than live with forty-odd years of the pain.
I read hedra’s post with interest – the part about a miscarriage being so much worse than a full-term birth. I had the exact same experience and have always wondered why expelling a fetus weighing less than half a pound took 2 days and was a nightmare, but giving birth to a full-term 7-pound baby was a lot of work, but only took about 5 hours from first perceived contraction to birth, and was nowhere near as painful as, say, a sinus headache or a toothache. Any ideas? The only theory I could come up with was that at 18 weeks the uterus is not developed enough to contract efficiently.
Lots of things are far worse than birth labor. For one thing, for most of the time you’re completely comfortable. Contractions last about 10 seconds and come 10 minutes apart at the beginning. Only at their most intense, at the very end, is the time between contractions shorter than the time of the contraction itself. By that time you’re pushing, and things are moving right along and very soon the work will be over.
Another vote for awake and aware childbirth if at all possible. I realize that this is not possible for some; there are so many variables that can make things different and more difficult. But being prepared with breathing and other techniques to help you be as calm as possible definitely reduces the discomfort and keeps your muscles from tensing up unnecessarily, which actually delays results and causes pain. Besides, if you don’t have the side-effects of medication to worry about, you can eat right away! And you can get to enjoy seeing your baby immediately, so she is not a stranger the next time you get to see her.
DO TELL!!!
I have to post and do a shout-out for all of us who took the drugs and loved it.
First, on topic: Ditto on the big-headed-baby stuff.
So, the issue of meds: I had the exact birth I wanted - a heavily medicated vaginal delivery. Until I got the meds at 5 cm it hurt like nothing I had ever felt before. Nothing can possibly describe it and my Braxton-Hicks were actually nothing like real labor. While not actually contracting all the pain went entirely away, which was nice.
I think it is fallacy to say that for most women much of the pain is about expectations and fear. I was expecting a labor like my moms when she delivered me: 3 hours long start to finish, with pains that were “noticeable at worst”. Instead I got 24 hours, with agony the first 12 until I got my drugs. I took an extensive labor prep course because I expected to labor too fast for drugs, even though I wanted them. Mom on the other hand in the '70s was terrified of labor and expected a hideous experience because of stories her mom had in turn told her.
One’s person experience doesn’t prove or disprove squat, so it may well be true that all we need for painless labors is to be prepared right. I just wanted to share that my expectations were for a short easy labor that I went into with a positive outlook, thinking to get out of the way of my body while it worked, and had done extensive perineal massage. What I got instead was a long labor, agony, major tearing and lots of lovely lovely drugs. Oh and a baby. 
And for the record drugs don’t have to mean you can’t be with the baby right away. My lil’stinker nursed right there on the table before they even washed the slime off.
Twiddle
Contractions last about 10 seconds and come 10 minutes apart at the beginning. Only at their most intense, at the very end, is the time between contractions shorter than the time of the contraction itself. By that time you’re pushing, and things are moving right along and very soon the work will be over.
That isn’t necessarily so. I think everyone is different/every birth is different. I’ve definitely had 70-90 second contractions with a few seconds between before I was completely dilated. And with the last birth, that was pretty much the case from contraction #1.
Everybody is different. Don’t let all of us scare you with stories. It could be easy - it might suck but in the end the baby really does make it worth it.
Oh and if I have one piece of advice to give to a pregnant woman it is this - ignore all the well meaning strangers who want to tell you about their sisters neighbors cousin who had the three headed baby after 73 hours of intense labor. they usually do this while asking to touch your belly (and of course, they are generally strangers…) I never understood why a heavy belly is such a magnet for the “National Enquirer” fan club.
** *Posted by mmm… forbidden doughnut * **
I’ll tell you what: why don’t I start a MPSIMS thread on it? I’m sure there are others at this board who might have tales of thier own suffering/treatment.
Here it is. Share your tale of treatment woes.
I think one critical point is that if you expect ONE particular experience, you are going to be either surprised or disappointed, or both.
You have to prepare for ALL options, not just the one you ‘think’ you’ll get. Or the one you fear most. Or the one you want most. Granted, you can’t truly prepare for every possible experience, but you can prepare for a wide range of experiences. (this is why I suggest that if you read birth stories on the Web, you read at least 200, to get an overall feel for the kinds of things that go right, and the kinds of things that go wrong, as a basis of determining how to influence things in the way you’d prefer to go.) I also highly recommend “The Birth Partner” - it is really for your doula or spouse/partner, but it tells in detail when what things will help, and when they will make things worse. Very useful!
Something that might help you process that idea is the concept that the birth doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the child, and to itself. You don’t get to pick, nor do you get to be offended that it wasn’t the one you wanted. It isn’t yours. While your experience is highly relevant (trauma is trauma, and not to be sneezed at), your experience is not the goal. You are merely (and incredibly) the riverbanks through which another life flows into the world. Release ownership of the labor, and it may well be easier to release your expectations for it, as well. At least I found it worked that way for me. I still had preferences, and plans, and took my practicing seriously. But I had not loaded the experience with expectations, nor set up boundaries around soemthing that was not under my control.
Quite honestly, I do not think anyone is unwise to choose meds in the process of a labor they cannot handle otherwise. I think it is unwise not to prepare in the first place to be able to handle a normal labor, and not to become educated about the risks and benefits of other options and under what circumstances they might best be applied. I explored a wide variety of non-meds options, and exhausted them in my first labor. I knew at that point that it was worth taking the risk of an epidural at 1 cm dilation, rather than going psychotic from lack of sleep. It was the right choice, and I had a very good birth, even if I did get a lot of side effects snowballing on me. I don’t regret it, I just hope to avoid repeating it.
It is the people who truly prepare for both who get through best, most consistantly, and with the least angst afterwards. Once you’ve really prepared, you cannot blame yourself for a lack of forethought or effort. It simply becomes the experience it is, and the choices you make that stem from that experience become just reasonable choices made to meet the situation.
Hello, I’ve experienced labor twice in my life. Each time the contractions were very painful. I did not scream in horror, since I’m not a screamer. I don’t believe it was painful for me because it was all in my head. I rarely complain about discomfort, or sickeness. I tend to be the last one to speak up if somethings bothering me, but when I had those contractions, I made it clear I wanted an epidural as soon as I could get one for both labors. I believe some women experience contractions more easily than others, because of how their body handles them. Maybe their muscles don’t need to work as hard to move the baby down. I know one person inparticular who is always sick, sleeping, and a bit lazy. Anyway, this person had very easy labors, the contractions were not painful. There is no way she was feeling the same pain I was and was just able to deal with it better, I am certain.
Holy shit, 9 years in labour.
What, no zombie-baby joke?
I always assumed the pain was to get your attention during the most important situation in your life (assuming you subscribe to the idea that life exists to procreate more life). If it was just a mild irritant you wouldn’t give it the serious attention it deserves.
The reality of animal birth isn’t as idyllic as suggested.
Yes a zebra which goes through a 12 hour labour isn’t likely going to survive to pass on it’s genes to the next generation.
However with domesticated animals you can see the same issues, a combination of genetic and environment factors. For a proportion of births there are malpresentations leading to protracted labour and loss of life, even with medical intervention. Talk to a vet with a large animal practice. Over 80% of Bulldog litters are delivered by Caesarean section. Essentially the breed as per the breed standard, has lost the ability to reproduce naturally.
I like the capability of medical intervention. Without it I’d have lost both sisters and my wife during childbirth in the same year. But if you can duck the “survival of the fittest” pressure there is a consequence.
My understanding is that:
-
our heads grew too big
-
our pelvis rotated to an upright position
-
all this happened pretty recently, evolution-wise
and that we are still adjusting to this rapid change. It hasn’t been fine-tuned yet by sufficient evolutionary pressure.
I’ve heard that it is the belief in the pain along with the hospital environment that is responsible for lots of the pain.
Though there is also that whatever the maximum size opening it is an evolutionary advantage to have the baby grow to exactly that size to give the baby the best chance while still not killing the mother in the process (as the baby needs a caring parent and killing the mother is contraindicated in this). Sort of like how ocean container ships are designed to the Panamax standard, just able to get through the locks of the Panama Canal with only inches to spare.