Is he younger? If so, you should help him spread his seed. It’s a thing. 
No, that’s wrong. The primary objective of any life is to pass on your genes to the next generation, and then protect that bundle of genes to help them prosper. A female would prefer a mate that would devote all his efforts and attention to her offspring, and not all the seed spread around by him
Nothing is bad if both parties are on the same page and happy about it.
Like, if your partner likes to be spanked, that’s all cool. But if you just start to whip your partner when she annoys you, that’s physical abuse.
Likewise, swinging is fine. Cheating is not.
By all means live the swinging lifestyle, just don’t lie about it.
I’m curious; Has anyone ever actually paid you 2 cents for your opinions? Ever?
Seems to me you consistantly overestimate their market value.
Also:
Woman - singular
Women - plural
…at least get that right.
February.
If you’re a good catch you shouldn’t be monogamous if you don’t want to be. Sleep around, never commit, don’t lie about your intentions, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, don’t pretend to be exclusive, etc. Just keep spinning plates and replace them if one falls off. That’s the ideal for most men in their prime.
If you’re not a good catch or don’t have game you won’t be able to plate spin very well but then again you won’t really be in a position to cheat very often, either. So you may as well stay happy with who you can get.
People seem to love to anthopomorphize evolution and use it as a shitty justification for their shitty behavior, but it doesn’t work, even a little bit. Right at the start: “we are meant to…” do this or that. Evolution doesn’t mean anything at all. For you to be meant to do something, there must be some intelligence doing the meaning. There is no intelligence behind evolution.
All you can really say is that over evolutionary time, there is some indication that promiscuous behavior may perhaps have been a viable strategy to increase your number of offspring. If THAT is your only goal, then perhaps that strategy is for you.
Some of us have other goals, like not being tremendous assholes or having meaningful, rewarding relationships with other people.
If you gave her a STD, how well do you think that would work?
If you’re married, you made a promise. If you cheat*, you are breaking that promise. It means that you are untrustworthy, to say the least. You’re only as good as your word, and if you’re not willing to live up to that, you are not worth shit.
If you’re unhappy with your marriage/relationship, then end it. It’s not hard.
*Open marriages where both sides are OK with the arrangement is not cheating.
Not really. To a certain extent, that may have been true at one time, but our society has evolved considerably since then. Sure, there are a lot of species out there where the males can bang and bail, but even in many of those, the females often don’t do much more than lay the eggs and bury them. As you get to species more and more like humans, you find that the children require greater and greater investment of resources, notably from the mother, and as such, they will often require greater resources from the fathers as well. The reason being, a child that needs the resources and gets them from the father will be more likely to survive, so they’ve been selected for, both evolutionarily and socially.
Now consider humans. A human child is one of the most helpless of all newborns and the child takes YEARS to develop. Even in ancient times, the child wasn’t considered grown until his teens. These days, with our more complex economies and skills and all, it takes even longer. Hell, recent studies show the brain is still developing into the mid-20s. It is a HUGE cost in resources to raise a child, and that child’s chances are maximized by the assistance of both parents. Even today, with social safety nets and all, studies still show that, overall, children raised by single parents don’t do as well.
We have VERY strong constructs that go with what a relationship means, and this is driven both biologically and psychologically. Yes, to a large degree sex can occur just fine outside of a relationship, but within one, there’s almost always expected boundaries attached to it. For instance, in general, if one is in a relationship, sex with someone outside of that relationship is verboten. That’s not to say it can’t happen, but in the cases it does, it’s expected that both partners have each other’s blessings.
And that’s why it is so hurtful when people cheat. This expectation of exclusivity to the relationship is hardwired into us biologically and it’s still a major ethic in our society. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, it’s expected that sex is exclusive in a relationship, so when that is broken, the other person will be hurt. And it’s not hard to imagine, because we all have expectations of what a relationship means. Again, that can be redefined on a case by case basis, but there’s certain parts of a relationship that are going to be assumed. It’s a social agreement/contract between the two people involved, and when that agreement is broken, there’s a violation of trust.
And sure, you can go to evolutionary principles about men wanting to spread their seed, but women want to select for men that will help support their young, and so a man who has a whole bunch of kids and doesn’t support them will not be demonstrating his love for a woman who expects him to take care of the children he gave her. That is, if we’re going to make an evolutionary argument that men are somehow compelled to do this, then we also have to accept that women are compelled to be upset with men that do it.
Quite the opposite. A younger man may be more able to impregnate more women, but a younger man also has less ability to provide for his children. In general, a teenager to 20-something will just plain not have the resources to provide for as many children as he might be able to make. Older men are more likely to have more experience, more resources, more money, and likely even a nest egg if something happens to him, so if anything, he is more able to provide for more children, but less able to produce them.
And this is why pair bonding is so important. Women want a young virile man to produce healthy offspring, but they want him to stick around and invest and build his resources in her and her child, and he’s able to do more and provide even more children if he sticks around. And for men, it’s similar, he can spread his seed everywhere, and spread out his resources and fail to build them up, or he can select one woman, have just a few healthy offspring, and build up his resources to provide for them and himself. It’s win-win. It’s not the least bit surprising that pair bonding became the social norm.
If what you know can’t hurt you, then not telling your girlfriend you got an STD from some other girl you were banging, she’s immune, right? If you don’t tell her you got another girl pregnant, she’s not going to notice the child support you’re paying discreetly, right?
Frankly, this is a HORRIBLE way to think about things. If you don’t know about things, you’re going to get blindsided by them. Even if it’s something bad, it’s better to know ahead of time and be prepared for things than get caught off guard. But, more importantly, it’s about trust. Hiding things from your partner they should know violates the trust that the relationship is supposedly based on. Better yet, don’t even do them, then you don’t have to hide them.
I’m going to stop you right there. “Meant to”? By whom? And 200 years ago the predominant cultural stereotype in the West was that women were constantly horny and men had to be talked into giving it up. How do you explain the change?
Good point. I suppose that no one ever denied that women are horny, when you think about it. Female sexuality being this out of control thing, and women always running around being promiscuous unless you handcuff them to a post, is a stereotype that you find all over the place.
It’s Phaedra having the out of control hots for the chaste Hippolytus, not the other way around.
I’m with you so far, so long as ‘it’ was the wealth. I just want to know what your exact time-frame was, and the location on planet Earth that you were talking about. It was planet Earth right?
Back to the bronze age again: There’s Odysseus and the Sirens. Women are temptresses who lure sailors onto the rocks. Odysseus is the only one who figures out how to outsmart them, while still getting to hear their song.
Pretty much Odysseus’s MO, when you think about it. He knows how to get his rocks off, but still stay on top of the situation. And keep his wife at the end of the day to top it off.
What makes something wrong?
If cheating on your partner makes you happy, then go ahead and cheat. Who’s going to stop you?
But WILL it make you happy? You might get caught, and then your wife/girlfriend dumps you, or shoots you. Or maybe you get the other girl pregnant, and then you’ve got to pay child support for some brat for 18 years. Or maybe the other girl gets clingy, and when she finds out you have a wife/girlfriend she dumps you, or shoots you. Or maybe all the running around and lying makes you feel bad, and so even though you’re having the sex you thought you wanted it doesn’t actually make you happy.
Or maybe you’re not that great at casual relationships, and so you get with a girl who tolerates you, and when you try to pick up other women for casual sex they slap you in the face, laugh at your tiny shriveled penis, and their alpha male boyfriend beats the crap out of you.
Or maybe, if you’re great at picking up women for casual sex, you should just pick up women for casual sex, and not bother with a primary relationship. Then you get to spread your seed without cheating! Win-win!
Except I have the feeling that a guy with no money and no car and no job who lives with his parents and plays video games all day isn’t exactly a huge hit with the ladies. If so, and you find a girl who tolerates you, maybe you should work real hard at not pissing her off, because it could be years and years before you find another one.
It’s kind of silly to spin hypotheticals about cheating when you don’t even have the first girl you could cheat on, let alone the second girl you could cheat on her with.
Point is, you have to live around other people, and if you keep on doing shitty things that annoy them, they’re not going to want to be around you any more. If that doesn’t bother you–if constantly developing new relationships and then using those people for everything you can take from them until they wise up and kick you out of their lives doesn’t sound so bad, then go right ahead and live your life this way. Plenty of people really do go through life this way, and it seems to work for them, otherwise they wouldn’t do it.
But you have to have a certain combination of traits to make this work. You have to deep-down not really give a shit about other people, but you also have to care enough about them to charm them and trick them into giving you what you want, before you fuck them over. Plenty of people with the “I don’t give a shit” attitude completely fail on the second part, and so they’re alone and miserable and shunned by everyone around them, or incarcerated. Or maybe you’ve got a small crew of buddies that you feel loyalty to, but you and your buddies figure everyone else the world is fair game. How’s that going to work out for you?
Thing is, extreme selfishness only works when people don’t expect it. Once word gets around that people can’t trust you, then guess what, they stop trusting you. Take it far enough and they lock you in a cage for a couple of years so you can’t bother normal people anymore. So go ahead and act in your selfish interest, but keep in mind that it’s in your selfish interest for people not to think you’re a colossal asshole. Like, if you’re living with your parents, and your parents hate you, then they might kick you out onto the streets. So it’s in your selfish interest to keep your parents sweet, and trick them into thinking you’re a decent guy, so you don’t end up homeless with no place to plug your Xbox into.
OP, we’re not monkeys living in the jungle anymore. Nature rules don’t apply
I’ve always loved this quote from The African Queen: Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.
NO U
We are monkeys in a concrete jungle. Evolution never stops.
Who do you think has a bigger impact on the human gene pool, the “smart” responsible couple who saves and scrimps and has one kid just before the woman’s clock runs out, or the guy who has eight kids with seven different women?
I always thought it was funny how religious people deny evolution, yet have lots of kids. The most religious sects tend to encourage the most reproduction. Meanwhile, atheists and secularists claim to believe in evolution, but barely reproduce. It’s like the religious understand it better while claiming not to.