First off, this thread is intended for those of us who are cynical or have a dark sense of humor. We all know cheating is wrong. I’d appreciate it if we didn’t all get in to a big stink as to the morality of cheating. If you wish to do so, please take it to the pit. Thanks. Also, blanket generalizations ahead. You’ve been warned.
My vote goes towards women. IMHO, women are much more cunning and smarter when it comes to cheating. It seems to me women put a lot more careful planing into to their cheating than men do. It also seems they can justify it a lot easier than men can.
Another vote for women from me. No man has ever confided in me about his cheating, but a couple of women friends have. And they were quite cautious about the situation, concerned about not hurting a spouse/child, being in disgrace, etc.
I don’t have any personal experience to back this up, but I’d say men are better. Women tend to get more emotionally involved in their relationships, which is not a good idea in illicit affairs. Men, OTOH, tend to be better at disconnecting love from sex.
I’d say women. From personal experience - I’m a woman, I have never been caught, and I have cheated a bunch of times. I’ve caught partners cheating though, that’s why I think men are worse.
I think there are two steps of cheating that the men I’ve known have followed:
They’re sloppy. They make a mistake, seemingly innocuous, e.g. a suspicious text or email is seen. They don’t get called up on it, they think they got away with it…but suspicion is aroused, which leads to…
They get cocky. Think they haven’t been caught so they can’t be bothered covering their tracks, that’s when the big-time evidence is found.
To be fair, I find this two-prong catch-a-cheater rule works for women too, and for for other kinds of lies. I suppose I never got caught because I never got to stage 2.
Women are definitely better at cheating. They tend to be more selective, more careful, and more clear on what they want out of it before they get busy.
I’d also contest the idea that men are usually less “emotionally involved” in the cheating. In fact, in almost every case I know of a man who’s been caught, it may have looked like “getting careless”, but it was actually more like “suicide by cop”. They want out (of either the marriage *or *the affair), so they do something that takes the matter out of their hands.
Take a woman in a “committed” relationship. Put an extra 40 pounds on her. Make her lazy, only working 4 or 5 months at a time. Make her a parent of 2 or 3 kids that she never sees and doesn’t take care of. Hell, add in a rap sheet.
No man in his right mind is going to pursue someone like that.
However, you put that same profile on a man and he will be a chick magnet. Women will lose their dignity to pursue him or keep him. He doesn’t have to make up lame excuses or sneak around. He just has to exist and lack a conscience.
I don’t think that one gender is better than the other at cheating without getting caught. I think that some people are better at it than others because they think things through and are more careful not to leave a trail. They have enough common sense and emotional control to be able to lie well without overdoing it and answering questions that were never asked and keep things normal on the surface.
I’m a reformed serial cheater; most of my cheating was done on business trips and was covered by expense accounts. That said, I don’t agree that one gender is “better” than the other when it comes to cheating. I will say that women who have affairs rather than one night stands are much better than men when it is time to end the affair; women will simply say its all over while men will dilly dally about it. That’s been my experience, at least. YMMV.
I hate to make a sweeping generalization based on a handful of personal experiences, but all those experiences pointed to women being markedly better at it.
When my ex strayed, there had to be a bunch of our mutual friends–male and female–who were in the know, partly because some of those friends knew the third party very well, and partly almost all of those friends were very quick to support her marriage to the third party as soon as the ink was dry on our divorce proceedings. And at least one of our friends tried to hint to me that something wasn’t right; I knew that too, but it troubled me that even he knew. Maybe it’s because I’m terrible at making friends, but I just can’t see a guy convincing even his wife’s friends that this was OK.
All the times I’ve known or heard of guys cheating, they were making it just too damn obvious. One of tygre’s friends had a husband who owned a restaurant. Even semi-casual patrons of the place couldn’t help but notice that the majority of his waitresses all looked the same…his “type” to be exact. Of course he was having affairs with more than one of them at one time or another. Then there are the guys who hate their job and complain about it all the time, then suddenly one day they can’t stay away from the place.
Like Lo-Slung Denim says, men get sloppy, then they get cocky. Mainly because a lot of times (like with the woman married to the restaurant owner) after the first time they mess up, the woman knows what’s going on or at least has a suspicion. But a lot of times, the woman doesn’t want to admit what’s going on; they might have young kids, like the woman in this example, or for whatever reason they think the man will change his mind if she does X Y or Z and so she doesn’t want to rock the boat. The man misinterprets this as “I can do anything I want and get away with it” and keeps messing up. Eventually he does something stupidly obvious.
I’ve got to say men, just because men can keep a secret better than women. The girlfriends I’ve had who have cheated crack and tell their man within the week, but I know guys who can cheat up a storm and never tell.
Just from personal experiences, but women are by far better cheaters. I cracked after the day after I drunkenly cheated on an ex, but have had good things going for several months with at least* two women where I was the guy on the side.
*With those, I knew about their boyfriends from the start.
If someone is truly excellent at cheating on their SO, it stands to reason that it is still a secret. I don’t think one gender is ‘better’ at the other when it comes to being sneaky – perhaps we’re more inclined to suspect men of it (god knows there are enough articles in Cosmo about ‘how to spot the signs of a cheater’)?
Well, as my ex-husband once said “I’m not organized enough to have an affair!”
I’m not saying that women are inherently more organized or detail oriented, but they have traditionally been the ones administrating the running of the household. Men may take on whole categories of house duties, but it’s usually the women who have to do most of the miscellaneous stuff like monitoring the toilet paper inventory and remembering that little Timmy needs to wear his gym shoes on Wednesday and sending a birthday card to Aunt Mary and reminding the husband to pick up the dry cleaning and on and on. In that context, it’s probably easy for a woman to keep on top of things like deleting text messages and throwing out incriminating matchbook covers in garbage cans outside the home.
So the wide-ranging organization skills might give many women an edge.
Also, as Flipshod said, they’re less likely to have to account for related expenditures.
(And no, my ex-husband isn’t my ex-husband because of infidelity.)
I’m not sure what you mean by that? Are you saying that some married lazy schlub will be a “chick magnet?”