I’d love to, but I think that would be better fitted for a new thread (in MPSIMS). The mods usually don’t want us to stray too far away from topic. As one who makes use of services of ladies such as yourself, I had an ‘Ask the…’ thread not too long ago: Ask the Icebear (aka guy who visits brothels) - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board.
I agree with you I was responding to QSH’s claim that making it legal would result in a shortage of women in other jobs.
I’m now picturing a debate over concealed-carry laws for vaginas, I’ll have you know.
“Possession of a vagina should only be allowed if it’s carried openly!”
I’ve been a prostitute - this fact always informs my position on this topic.
I don’t know any prostitutes and the only experience I have with prostitutes is that streetwalkers are a nuisance that make an area unpleasant. That said, we’ve heard from a variety of sources on prostitution/pornography in other threads here on the SDMB. Personally, I have a difficult time evaluating sources on the subject. When I hear a porn starlet being interviewed about the industry it’s typically all sunshine and lollipops. Is she a trustworthy source? I don’t think so. Likewise, when Linda Lovelace came out against the porn industry I didn’t find her to be a reliable source either. (Yeah, I know porn/prostitution are different issues. I’m just illustrating the difficulty I have in evaluating my sources.)
Just because something is legal does not make it wonderful. Pawn brokers, payday loan operators, greedy bankers, tobacco executives, gun dealers, and lawyers are all legal occupations. I’ll bet posters here have good/bad feelings about some of those.
I never said it was wonderful. I’ve been a common laborer and dug ditches. Good honest work and let me tell you it sucks.
What I said was, why is being a prostitute any less honest than any other job where you sell your labor for money?
I am interested on your take in this discussion.
I was a young mother in San Diego during the string of prostitute killings there in the 80’s. I walked my child to catholic school in the same vicinity, and a sort of mass hysteria was going on all over the neighborhood. Their solution seemed to be- that we “decent folk” must band together- to run these hookers into another neighborhood, and away from our sight. No one seemed to care that they were being murdered. It was as if the prostitutes were not even human beings.
Since then I have heard of the Ted Bundys, and Green River killers of the world.
Do you feel that decriminalization of prostitution would contribute, in any way, to a better situation at least as far a being safe, and as I remember it was a cop who was the main suspect in the S.D.killings.
Hope this is not off topic.
I’ve done both porn and prostitution. You can google me. Bethany Sweet. I officially retired 1/31/2011…after being in the adult industry for the large majority of my life from 18 and a minute…but not always and only in the sex industry. We can get into that in another thread.
My experiences were largely good. I am a strong, capable woman who has a brain and education, plus other talents. I chose high-end escorting when I separated from my spouse back in 2003. I wanted to make enough money to support my kids and also have the time to raise them myself. The idea of working 45 hours a week to pay someone else to raise them? NOPE. No way.
Escorting has worked well for me. I did porn to make a name for myself so I could charge what I felt I was worth.
I also used to think all streetwalkers were trashy and junkies, but they are not. Many are, but not all. I know some extremely intelligent women who streetwalk to put themselves through college or support their kids. Some just like the rush. Personally, there’s not enough money in the world to get me into a stranger’s car. I prefer to screen carefully and only see gentlemen who have already seen friends of mine so I know they are clean and safe.
Now I have paid off all my credit cards, paid off my car, bought a house, and started a “straight” business. Took me seven years, but the end result is success. So, why is this illegal still?
I do believe that SOME women are coerced. I certainly believe that quite a few have drug problems or social issues (low self esteem etc). But it’s not fair to judge those of us who are clean (regularly STD tested, always use condoms, plus I do brush and floss…) by those who are losers.
In any industry you get great people and those less worthy. True, it’s a sleazy business at times, but no more sleazy than the hundreds of strip clubs I have danced in. Seriously? My gentlemen friends treated me like a queen. I felt cared for, and it’s not entirely about sex. For some people, it is all about the sex. I nurtured a different breed for my regular friends.
xo B.
I am not sure exactly why prostitution is illegal in the U.S., but I am guessing that prostitution is illegal, because it is trading sex, which is often considered to be a bond of love and commitment, for money. Since selling sex may cheapen the worth of the value of love and commitment, especially in marriage, I think this is why people are offended or disturbed to think that sex can be traded in exchange for goods or money. For example, it would be considered degrading or humiliating, if a girl plans to seduce her teacher, so she can get a higher grade. This form is bribery is prostitution, because she is debasing herself on sex rather than improving herself on merit.
There was the Prohibition amendment in the 1920s of America. During that time, people traded for alcoholic beverages illegally. I think The Great Gatsby would be an excellent example of this moment of history, from a personal perspective. As you can see, just because “alcohol” is made illegal, that does not guarantee that people would stop drinking or buying or selling alcohol at all. It may discourage people to do so, but some people just want to make $$$. From a feminist perspective, the Prohibition allowed women to control abusive alcoholic husbands who spent the family’s fortunes on beverages. I think the amendment repealed because it just wasn’t practical.
I believe in decriminalization and regulation of prostitution.
First of all, because by treating sex workers as humans, you therefore remove the stigma. By removing the stigma, you allow the light to shine on the shadowy world that lies below. By exposing it, rather than hiding it, you can see what’s really going on and make more educated choices about how to “fix” or control the problems. When sex workers have no fear of humiliation or shame, then maybe they would feel valuable enough to seek help. For instance, a woman could be too ashamed to see her doctor and tell the truth! “I am a prostitute and I think I may have a disease.” Personally, I released my shame. I just plain told my doctor. “I work in porn and as an escort and I need to be tested regularly for STDs.” Sure, she was shocked at first! But my honesty with her increased our level of trust and opened her eyes to the fact that “prostitutes” are people too. Most sex workers don’t have the nerve to do that.
Many SWs would rather die than have their family find out. With that mindset, how do you expect sex workers to seek help? If a SW is being abused by her pimp, it’s usually because she thinks she deserves it, or she doesn’t know any better, or she feels helpless to stop it. By removing the stigma, these SWs would feel safe enough to ask for help, therefore lessening (no way to entirely remove) the amount of physical/emotional abuse perpetrated onto SWs. Wouldn’t it make sense to provide some sort of counseling to these people, rather than shoving their heads back under water? I mean…pretty please?
Second, by regulating prostitution and setting up minimum requirements for health codes, you would increase the health of all society. You preempt spreading disease if a SW (sex worker) can’t work without clean papers! If, for instance, each SW had to be tested once a month or they couldn’t work, think of how many diseases would be caught before they spread. Symptoms of disease are not always obvious. You HAVE to be tested or you can’t work. That, alone, is reason enough to justify legalization.
I use condoms religiously. However, I know that a lot of men will try to either slip it in without a condom or will ask for “BBFS” (bare back full service) for an extra couple bucks. Can you imagine? $100 to do it with some stranger without a condom? The cost of pregnancy and disease is FAR more than $100…but still men ask and girls do it. Therefore, it’s easy to predict that some stupid asshole is going to take a disease home to his unsuspecting wife. Meantime, the SW is thinking she should maybe see a doctor…but she’s ashamed and hopes if she ignores it, that it will go away. Or, he catches a disease with little or no symptoms and away we go…passing diseases around like party favors. Regulation would help. Even the careless people would have to be tested and that’s my point. Those of us who volunteer to get tested regularly, maybe we should get a tax break or something. Anything to entice those girls into the damn doctor’s office!
How about the tax money? Most SWs do not pay taxes. We are in a financial crunch as a country. Reason #3 to legalize.
Serial killers prey on the easy targets. They WANT prostitution illegal! By making SWs less than human, it’s like Hitler and the Jews. It’s “okay” to do anything to a SW, because they are “bad”. Serial killers also like runaways, drug addicts, anybody who won’t be noticed missing for a while. Those are the needs of the serial killer and should be addressed as such.
Always, always look out for those less fortunate, the weak, the sick, the small, the old. By raising up the “lesser” of society, we therefore raise the WHOLE of society.
xo B.
Educate, regulate.
What was your experience?
So BSweet69, do you think you should have the right to discriminate against federally protected classes in your line of work? That is, should you be allowed to take only white clients, or no Jewish clients, if that’s what you want? Should you be able to turn away a client because of his physical or mental disabilities? Should you be legally required to make your workplace wheelchair accessible?
Different to yours because 1) I’m a man and 2) it was only every something I did very temporarily. I worked for a short time as an escort and did some work through an agency (it always involved sex though, and my agency seemed to have put me into the “enjoys corporal punishment roleplay” column so the work involved that too, which was annoying as I didn’t). I also worked in a couple of brothels with a bunch of other guys.
Thing is I didn’t do it long enough for it to be an established career, it was purely a stopgap whilst I was waiting for other work to take off, so I don’t consider my experiences as particularly representative of people who do it full time. That said I’ve known other male sex workers who were just doing it part time as a cash boost so I don’t feel like my experience was any less “legitimate” than someone who does it career. I hired a guy for myself once and it turned out he does a white collar marketing job but does sex work on the side for some easy extra cash.
I think male/male sex work is a very different kettle of fish to what happens in male/female, and the whole sex trafficked/unable to stand up for themselves argument that is typically applied to women doesn’t really work when applied to male sex workers. Male sex workers are more often than not big enough to look after themselves and don’t worry about the same problems of attack, but it’s not always the case so I’m not saying that’s never an issue. The health risks are of course there too, but (in the UK anyway) it’s quite easy to access sexual health services simply as a gay man that would give you what you need without having to go into your status as a sex worker (although they do ask about that when you go to the clinic).
I’ve yet to see a compelling argument for making prostitution illegal, or at least treating it in a way that it makes sex workers and those associated with them illegal operators. It feeds a black market, an unsafe one at that, and makes sex workers and their clients very easy victims of crime. The issue of traficking is of course there, but I don’t see why that is not simply treated as the slavery that it is and separated out from those who voluntarily do sex work (and indeed slavery carries a much higher penalty and should be used, in my opinion). If you remove the need to work clandestinely because going to the police is risky you massively reduce the amount of problems going on, as the decriminalisation and legalisation regimes in places like New Zealand and Germany have discovered. No, it’s not a silver bullet that solves all the problems in the area, but it makes things less difficult and diverts police attention to actual serious crimes.
If you will study American history you will discover that back in the 1800s it was very common for a town of almost any size to have a whorehouse. This was ESPECIALLY true of the old West, where men far outnumbered women. And the narrative I have heard about that on several occasions is that as the number of women increased and it became possible for a certain percentage of the men to be married (because women were there to marry) the married women pretty much nagged their husbands into driving the prostitutes out of town. So I tend to suspect it’s a straight-up class conflict. The religious groups tend to side with the married folks, giving it an aura of sanctimony, but that does not change the underlying nature of the conflict. Prostitution isn’t nearly as open and organized nowadays as it used to be with a whorehouse over every bar, but I imaginethat if most modern bars had upstairs rooms with prostitutes in them, there would be a renewed round of outrage over this scourge on American society, etc. etc.
Thank you BSweet69 and Illuminatiprimus for sharing your experience and knowledge.
No problem - not sure if it adds a vast amount to the discussion but I think that’s at least two sex workers chiming in who aren’t junkies leaving on the leash of our pimp, so it shows it’s possible 
Why would you like to know? Are you Jewish and in a wheelchair?
The bottom line for me is, clean and safe. Is the gentleman respectful to me? Does he show up at the appointed time and leave when it is time to go? Does he pay the correct amount? “Fun” is always second for me, because I am creating an experience for the gentleman, the way you would get a spa treatment sort of…or perhaps like a haircut? I loved doing fantasy requests, and I have lots of cute costumes for holidays…things like that to make his time fun for him.
I prefer to see one person in any 24 hour period. That keeps me fresh. A lot of girls will do two or more in a day, and streetwalkers or lower rate ladies tend to see more gentlemen in a day. I would assume that a pimped girl is more interested in grabbing money from as many guys as she can. That’s not my MO. I always prefer to put forth quality rather than quantity, and that’s one reason why I was very popular.
Regarding race. You would think that in this day and age, race would be a non-issue. However, I’ve found that many Southern girls will not accept a black man as a client. I have always said that I see GENTLEMEN. If you are clean and polite, I will be happy to meet with you and see if we are a good match for future fun. Period.
Regarding disabilities. Guess what? Guys in wheelchairs get horny too! I have had the privilege of having several regulars who were in chairs. Some guys have limited physical function, and I will do everything I can to him in that chair. Lap dance…etc…to whatever his comfort point is.
I had one who was in a horrible train wreck years ago. He had horrible burn scars covering his entire body. What do you do in that situation? Same as everybody else! You make him comfortable and you (the entertainer) do everything possible to create a fun and loving atmosphere. Acceptance of others is really important, as well as being non-judgmental.
Regarding mental capacity. I am not a babysitter. It is wrong to have sex with people who are not capable of consent. I have had one experience with a gent who has sort of a Rainman thing going on. He has a girlfriend, can take the bus to see me, is quite specific in his fantasies, and he is clean and safe…but that was my absolute minimum. I honestly felt a little odd with him, but he did meet my personal minimum. Of course, he’s sweet and cheery…just a little odd.
xo B.
I would like to know because, while your anecdotes as a prostitute are interesting and I enjoy reading them, this thread is about why prostitution is illegal. Part of that discussion turned to the topic of business law. If prostitution is to be made legal, there are significant questions about equal access and disability accommodation to be answered. If prostitution is a business like any other, then a prostitute’s business may very well be expected to follow the laws against discrimination against protected classes. This butts up pretty quickly against the feeling that most of us (including me) have that a prostitute should be able to pick and choose her/his clients for any reasons s/he wants.
In other words, McDonalds can’t refuse to serve a black man because he’s black. Walmart can’t refuse to serve a Jewish man because he’s Jewish. JPMorgan Chase has to make their offices accessible to wheelchairs. If your business was made legal and subject to laws that pertain to business activities, why should you not have to follow the same anti-discrimination laws as any other business?
(And I’m an able bodied white pagan woman, by the way. I’m also not in the market for a prostitute, but I really do appreciate the hard work you do. It sounds like you’re a delightful, thoughtful person who works just hard and smart as any other businesswoman. I never doubted that there are prostitutes like you, honest I didn’t.)
I dunno about that. I’ve heard a few stories about someone finding out their last “ho” was really a dude in a dress. False advertising I suppose.