It is simple, it is sexism.
How do you maintain the patriarchy when young men don’t have a male role mode to show them that they need to bottle up their feelings and feel superior to all women.
How will men learn to bottle up their feelings and die early if they don’t have direct role models that they men aren’t supposes to admit that puppies are cute…what happens to anti-feminist beliefs if men are exposed to smart, strong and powerful role models that happen to be female?
The horror!!!
Saying someone can’t do something is not blaming them for not doing it. I can’t destroy ISIS with psychic powers, and saying so is not blaming me for ISIS.
Saying that single mothers can’t raise boys is not blaming mothers for juvenile delinquency it is saying that the mothers had no control. It is the opposite of what you are saying.
It is estimated that one third of the gap between kids of single parents and kids of married parents is economic.
However, since single parents are more likely to live in poverty adjusting for economic status underestimates the amount of damage single parenthood does on the children.
For married couples (which AFAIK is the only category that article was talking about), same-sex couples with children seem to have somewhat lower income. (But the previous link was dealing with Canadian and “elsewhere” (?) data and this link from the US Census is US-specific, so how to control for these confounding factors I know not.)
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Is there data on outcomes for gay male couples raising children? IOW does it matter if it is two women raising children, two men raising children, or one man and one woman?
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The previously-linked article sez:
It isn’t just economics - having two adults shares the unavoidable burdens of raising children, including things like staying up nights with sick kids or having one parent spend time with the kids while the other does necessary tasks.
Rich people care hire someone to either mind the children or perform those necessary tasks. Poor people can’t. Can’t help but think that affects outcomes.
They only know how to wipe their ass *one *way, and they sit down to pee.
My opinion is that boys in these situations (no male figure to pattern after) are left with too many hyper-masculine role models in entertainment and sports. Acting like the men in video games or action movies doesn’t work well in real life.
Netflix has a fascinating documentary on this by “The Representation Project”. It’s called The Mask You Live In, and (imo) is one of the best documentaries on what’s happening to young men that I’ve ever seen (especially in low income families).
I personally know several young people who seem to be turning out fine, including 3 young girls being raised by 2 stable, married fathers, and a pair of boys being raised by 2 married moms.
But I betcha that isn’t what you meant.
CT wasn’t talking about gay couples and you know it. Oh Boy did you teach him a lesson.
Very interesting. Thank you.
However, I wonder about the validity of the “role model” concept. When I was a kid, I don’t remember patterning my behavior after anyone. I can’t think of a single person I would call a “role model.” There have been a few studies showing that peer pressure from kids of the same age has a far more influential role on children’s behavior than the parent (s) do.
He was talking about raising children with no parent of the same gender to be a ‘role model’. Which frequently happens in gay married couples, yet the children seem to turn out fine (according to various studies). So that seems quite relevant.
But if somebody wonders why ISIS isn’t destroyed yet, and I say “well, puddleglum was put in charge of that job but his psychic-destruction powers just weren’t up to the challenge”, than I am essentially blaming you for the failure to destroy ISIS. I’m blaming the failure on your inability to cope with the task, even if I’m also acknowledging that your inability isn’t your fault.
Likewise, when somebody wonders why some boy who happens to be the son of a single mother didn’t turn out well, and you say “well, single women can’t raise boys”, that’s classic mommy-blaming.
After all, there are zillions of other important factors that also go into a boy’s development: if you arbitrarily decide that the crucial factor was some failure on the part of the mother, then you’re blaming the boy’s outcome on the mother’s failure, even if you’re also asserting that the failure was something that she could never have helped.
How a son turns out is not by any means solely dependent on how good his mother is at son-raising. Not even when the mother is a single mother.
I was raised by two loving parents as have my three daughters and with the exception of a few hick ups we have all turned out OK. I have been involved one way or another with the estate on which I live and we have more than our share of single mums, the majority are good strong lasses doing the best they can in their situation working hard to raise a family providing a fine example to their daughters that if you want something you have to work for it. Sons without the influence of a good man because their fathers have deserted them may have respect for their mothers and sisters but woman outside the family they just tend to use. The male example on the estate is hard with young children not seeing the gentle nature of men, this means that some boys grow up believing that they always have to be the tough guy. Another facet of our estate is we have several single parent families that have been rescued from violent marriages/relationships moving in from other parts of the country, this leads to the problem of learnt behaviour with daughters excepting their place as victim and sons as tyrants. One of the ways our group is trying is trying to deal with the problems of there being no good examples is by sponsoring a youth advocacy program and try to undo some of the harm done to these young people who through no real fault of their own or their single parent have developed a slightly warped view of how life should be.
We cannot complain we may not be wealthy we have a good life but we come into contact with people who have been given the really shitty end of the stick.
Neither did I, and yet, having many people available with different ways of doing things was essential in my development. A “role model” isn’t someone who you pick to pattern yourself after, someone you try to be, but someone who shows you different “models” which fulfill that “role”; for example, different ways to be a man, or to be a worker, or to be a human being. If every woman you know always wears the same color from head to toe, then daring to wear one item that’s a slightly different shade is much more risque than if you know people who wear all kinds of clothing.
T.M., I think this will sound familiar: “women, they’re all whores except my own” (mother, sisters, wife and daughters, that is). That bit sure rang a bell.
Sadly an attitude that is far to common. A debate with young people about marriage showed that the lasses were in favour of marriage in which to raise children. The lads could see no reason for getting married as they were getting sex anyway without having to make a commitment, as far as unwanted pregnancy is concerned the lads attitude is she can get an abortion, I think that the number of single parent mothers speaks for its self. They say no to killing their unplanned baby and fight like hell to raise their child as best that they can
Not up to the challenge is different than can’t do it. Not being a man is not a failure on the part of a woman
And similarly, not having psychic-destruction superpowers is not a failure on the part of a non-superpowered individual.
But if I claim that what taking down ISIS requires is psychic-destruction superpowers, and that the takedown of ISIS is your job, which you can’t do because you don’t have those superpowers, then I’m ultimately blaming the failure to take down ISIS on your innate deficiency.
Likewise, if you claim that a single mother is responsible for how her son turns out, and also that a single woman can’t raise a son successfully because she’s not a man, then if the son doesn’t turn out well, you are ultimately blaming that failure on her innate deficiency.
(And of course, when a single mother’s son does turn out well, then your claim is revealed to have no factual basis in the first place.)
I don’t disagree with your view point here, but I would like to point out that not all role models are picked through some kind of conscious decision making. You may have been influenced by “role models” without realizing it.
This is especially true for children.
It is sexism, yes, but actually, that is what they are learning, way too often: that to be a Manly Man you must be a cartoon character out of a meat market music video.