Why lift bride and groom on chairs at Jewish weddings?

Random thoughts like this occur to me when one of our kids wakes us at 4:00am for a chat and I cannot fall back to sleep.

About 8 years ago my wife and I were married - and we still are, very happily, thank you very much.

Laying in bed I recall the celebration following the ceremony and I vividly remembered being hoisted up in the air along with my bride by our guests and family who then proceeded to dance around the room with us on their shoulders.

Now I should mention that I’m Jewish while my wife is not. In all the madness preparing for the wedding I had forgotten about this quaint little ritual and thus neglected to mention what she should expect during the celebrations. I will never forget the questioning look in her eyes when the chairs were brought onto the middle of the dance floor and we were made to sit on them. I had only the opportunity to utter “Hang on sweetie!” before she and I were hoisted into the air. The look on her face was both of shock and terror and I could do nothing but hold her hand and continue to tell her to hang tight.

Fortunately the entire event went off without injury to either my bride or myself. We were eventually set back down on the ground and, as always, able to laugh about it.

The question is (after that long boring story), what is the history/purpose of that tradition?

Numerous choices:
[list=A]
[li]It is to symbolize that a good marriage requires that one strive to go ever higher, closer to G-d.[/li][li]It is to symbolize that one cannot do anything without being supported by others.[/li][li]It is to symbolize that in order to accomplish anything of consequence one must get off the floor and do something!!![/li][li]It symbolizes the fact that we have little ultimate control of our lives and destinies.[/li][li]There is actually no such “custom”. It’s just something that people got into the habit of doing, like a popular dance.[/li][/list=A]

Correct answer - E

IzzyR is correct in pointing out that A, B, C, and D are all off base. But the correct answer, E, can be added to: It demonstrates that the bride and groom are the focal point of the occassion. The point of the wedding reception is not for the guests to have a good time, but for the guests to entertain the couple and get their new life off to a happy start.

And from the way QuickSilver describes it, it sounds like the ploy worked!

Of course I’m correct. I made up all the other choices for entertainment purposes only.**

You can read any meaning that you want into anything, and if it works for you, fine. But I can assure you that there is no such “custom”.

From Webster:

Not trying to be contrary and I accept the fact that, as you say, the practice of placing bride and groom perilously above the floor on their wedding day is not a talmudic or halachtic regulation. Still, not a single Jewish wedding goes by without this kind of stunt and I believe it has been handed down for at least several generations. Tradition! I say. Tradition!!!

I agree that it is a custom in the manner of a popular dance or song which becomes standardized. But there’s no sense looking for meaning in it.

The whole thing is only done in non-orthodox circles. Among the Orthodox, the men and women are separated. It is common for people to pick up the bride and groom at some point, separately and not necessarily at the same time. But I’ve been at weddings where this was not done.

I’ll bet the whole thing started in America. And I’d be surprised if goes back more than one generation.

The reason I’ve always seen, in my reading and study, is that in Orthodox communities, the segregation of male and female extends to the guests at a wedding and reception. A mechitzah is erected to divide the male side of the room from the female. While there is indeed much music, dancing, and merriment, the dancing is entirely traditional group dances (the hora being an example), not the couple dancing more familiar in other Western weddings. In order for the happy couple to dance together, after a fashion, the tradition arose of placing them on chairs and lifting them up above the mechitzah so that they might each hold one end of a handkerchief and at least symbolically share the dance.

In non-Orthodox communities, the mechitzah is gone, but the tradition of raising the couple above it on chairs has taken on a life of its own.

Here’s a decent article, from an Orthodox rabbi, on the specifics of Jewish weddings and the attendant celebration. One quote from it may be considered germane to this specific discussion:

I’m with Izzy on this one.

I should point out that this is also usually done with the Bar Mitzvah boy at a Bar Mitzvah celebration. It’s not specifically a wedding thing. It’s simply a dance, one which makes the event’s special folk(s) feel even more special.

I think that if we take all of the posts in this thread, put them in a sealed jar and shake 'em up for a while, we can come up with the correct answer to the OP.

If I may (ahem):

Izzy posted:
**

And, Keeve posted:
**

Well put, Keeve. (And, since your screen name is unfamiliar to me, welcome aboard!)

Izzy, I have seen this “tradition” at virtually every Orthodox wedding which I have had the privelege to attend. I believe that the reason for it lied in your post - At Orthodox weddings, the male and female revelers are separated. But, it is their responsibility to entertain the Chatan and Kallah (Bride and Groom), so they often seat the two down next to each other and perform for them.

This is usually done by the men, with the Chatan and Kallah in the middle of the circle on the Men’s side, with the poor women straining to peek over everyone’s heads from outside the circle.

How did the Bride get there? Easy! The men went over to the other side of the room, picked her up on a chair, and carried her over to their side!

Of course, this sometimes works the other way (with the men carrying the Chatan over to his Kallah). It is easy to see how this evolved into the traditional hoisting of the two love-birds.

sdimbert,

Having been to scores of weddings and never seen what you describe even once, or in fact ever heard of such a thing, I don’t think you could classify this as a “tradition”.

I have heard of the hankerchief stuff that rackensack describes, but never seen that done either.

OK. I think we’re having a misunderstanding, so I will take it step by step.

At my wedding:
[/list=1]
[li]Following the Chupah, the guests adjourned to the Dining Hall while my wife and I went to the Yichud Room.[/li][li]Following Yichud, we went to spend some time with the photographer to take pictures of us, since we had not seen each other before the Chupah.[/li][li]When the photo shoot was done, we made a grand entrance into the Dining Hall which prompted a wild dance session. The women immediately grabbed my wife and dragged her to one side of the Mechitzah, I went with my pals to the other and we danced, seperately, for about 40 minutes.[/li][li]A group of women appeared around the end of the Mechitzah and the crowds agreed that it was time for my wife and I to sit down together. I do not remember if I went to her or she came to me or if we met somewhere in the middle, but soon she and I were seated together, in the middle of a circle, while our friends juggled, danced and did stunts for our entertainment.[/li][/list=1]

Which step there have you “never seen” or “even heard of”?

This

Everyone I saw made it under their own power.

I understand.

I was thinking about my wedding some more - I remembered that, when it was time for us to “come together” towards the end of the first dance, the guys lifted me and some went to get her. They brought both of us together and we did the whole seated thing.

Before they put us down, someone tossed me a napkin and we “danced” up there holding it for a while - felt so stupid that I threw it away and held her hand (gasp!).

HTH.

You guys all got it wrong.

In fact, the answer was already given in the OP:

That is the real reason for this custom!

That’s what I thought!! :slight_smile:

I have a terrible fear of heights (I don’t even change the lightbulbs in my house) and I was very nervous when they lifted me on a chair. I knew it was coming, but I was still scared.

Zev Steinhardt

I agree with him, and also with him.

I thought the origin was exactly so that the bride and groom, on separate chairs on different sides of the mekhitza, could “dance” together in the air, so to speak, but I have no authority for that.

In any case, it is now a tradition…like breaking the glass. (The rationale that breaking the glass symbolizes the destruction of the Temple is silly; it’s not a sad moment, everyone applauds!) Traditions don’t need reasons other than “it’s traditional.”

The extension of the chair-dance to the Bar Mitzvah however is definitely a very, very recent occurrence. And one that I find pretty dumb.

I disagree. If you would tell a rabbi that you didn’t feel like beaking a glass, he would attempt to convince you to uphold the custom. If you would say that you didn’t feel like being lifted in a chair, he would say to do whatever you feel like.

I think we’re getting a little too nitpicky on how widespread something has to be in order to count as a “tradition”. No one ever tried to say that this chair business is required to any degree. Let’s just call it “popular” and be done with it!