I suspect, Ambivalid, you could have kicked his ass.
There are people with just good intentions though.
Your posts are full of anger, Ambivalid. Have been since you first joined the SDMB. Do understand that most offers of help are well meaning.
I see it too. There is rage underlying all of this, far deeper than occasionally getting fed up with idiocy and rudeness. Anger is generally an avoidance behavior. It’s easier to deal with than grief or powerlessness (in this case, you are powerless to change how certain others see you because of your disability.)
I’m angry too, about some things I can’t control, but the more I face the grief, the less angry I am. Pain is more bearable when you confront it head on. That’s what I’ve learned anyway.
Whether that rings true to your story is for you to decide.
And yeah, you would have handed that guy his ass if it came to blows.
He’s not complaining about offers, he’s complaining about:
impositions,
and about not being listened to.
Maybe you don’t mind when someone asks you something and disregards the answer, but most people dislike it. Then again, if your listening skills are on par with the reading skills you’re displaying (did you miss that we’re not talking about people offering to help but about people 1) offering to help, 2) getting a no-thanks and 3) ignoring it, or do you think that “no” means “yes”?), you might be one of the people who can’t grasp that their desire to be helpful does not trump other people’s desire to make their own decisions.
Rage? Really?? Huh. I think I handle most of this stuff with a decent sense of humor. But it’s good to hear differing perspectives. So thank you.
It is not often I feel totally understood here at the dope. I have to say though, that this is one of the rare exceptions. 
I’ve been using a rollator walker lately due to a spinal issue, and I’ve been reminded of some of Ambivalid’s posts regarding “helpful” people.
The added touch that makes such extensions of help truly memorable is when the unwanted helper manages to stand in the doorway of the door they are holding open. Then I cannot get through the door at all without running over the helper’s foot. Really. Step out through the door and hold it open from the outside if you are going to insist on helping.
That can also be the prelude to a robbery, just as an overly helpful man offering to help a woman with, say, her groceries can be a prelude to rape. This is something the good able-bodied people don’t realize: the disabled are at greater risk of this sort of crime than the able-bodied, they look like easy targets. “Helpful” person gets near the person/target and when their guard is down they shift to robbery.
Now, most of us know Ambivalid is a buff guy and is probably less subject to this sort of thing (he doesn’t look quite so easy a target) but one reason the disabled can be hostile to unsolicited or unwanted help is that it can come across not as helpful but threatening.
Climbing unasked into someone’s car is NOT helpful, it’s something a mugger would do, or a carjacker, or other unsavory person.
(Mental note: Don’t bother offering Ambivalid a spot in the gym.)
What, only 75’s?.. Nah, you got this, mate! 
I’ve heard you complain of such situations before, and I sympathize. It always triggers righteous anger in you, which is, I suppose understandable. But it doesn’t seem to be effective as a deterrent, and just leaves you frothing angry.
A big believer in open, honest, direct communication, I am always left wondering if you constructed the right comeback, you might be able stop these do gooders in their tracks.
(Yes, yes, I fully acknowledge how righteous your position is and how you shouldn’t have to deflect at all! )
I can’t help thinking if, instead of righteous indignations and steaming anger, your response was a softly spoken single sentence such as, “I am a grown man and your behaviour is making me feel publicly humiliated. Please, stop now.”, you might indeed achieve your ultimate goal. To have them stop in their tracks and walk away reconsidering the interaction entirely.
As they sputter and attempt to explain, again a softly spoken, “Please, just go.”
I know it doesn’t provide an opportunity to vent anger but you might find it more rewarding to give them a gentle lesson, then just leave them wondering what the hell your problem is.
Anyway, just one opinion, carry on regardless! And Good Luck!
Rather annoying just how many people out there need to hear this.
Do you not understand that just about all sources of social annoyance are “well meaning”?
I addressed this a couple of years ago when we talked about microaggressions (I know…everyone’s favorite word). Microaggressions suck not just because they rub one’s feelings raw. They suck because one is always expected to swallow their feelings given the fact that the offenders are generally coming from an innocent, harmless place. So you swallow those feelings day after day, always being a good sport, never letting anyone in on how you really feel…
Until one day you decide to express yourself on the internet to talk about this dance you have to do and how incredibly annoying it is…and then you’ve got to listen to someone, judging you for failing to wear the happy-go-lucky mask. Even though this person probably does not know how it feels to do this dance day after day, he still feel like he knows enough to judge. Even though you’re posting in a forum dedicated to life’s annoyances, where over-the-top anger is the norm.
Rage? I don’t sense rage out of Ambivalid. He’s one of the most reasonable, level-headed posters we’ve got here. But I’m guessing if one more person lectures him on how “well-meaning” people are, as if he was just born yesterday and doesn’t know anything, he’ll come close to feeling that way.
That’s not the Ambivalid I see. Yes, he was full of anger when he got here, but Dopers were kinda egging him on over that. But now Ambivalid posts in many, many threads, and the only ones in which he shows anger are the ones about people mistreating him because of his disability. Or, well, the typical things all dopers get upset about, like Trump and shitty Republicans.
Also, while I can’t speak for him, I find the “full of anger” concept to be dismissive. What he describes in his OP is a perfectly normal thing to be upset about. This guy is way, way out of line. It doesn’t matter if his intentions are pure as the driven snow–the guy has violated his space.
To be honest, the only time I’ve seen or heard anyone say someone is “full of anger” (outside of this thread) is when people are being condescending pricks to people who have legitimate gripes. It’s when LGBT people are upset about the bathroom laws, or when someone gets upset over Trump. It’s also the go-to defense when a troll pisses someone off. It blames them for being angry.
Obviously, this is only my opinion. But I think you have misjudged him, and that you come off as dismissing his legitimate issue.
It’s a legitimate gripe, of course he has a right to be angry. I view that as a separate issue from whether someone might also have unresolved grief. I’m putting this in the context of the fact he’s been thrown out of at least one gym for losing his temper over this stuff and… Listen. My MIL is his mother’s best friend so Ambi and I are weirdly connected by way of two anxious middle aged ladies. Everything I get is through the worry filter.
I’m just trying to put the whole picture together because I have come to greatly value his contributions on this board and I care. I agree he seems in a much better place than when he first came here, which is why I left it open, like this is a thing I’ve learned about my own life, maybe it applies here, maybe it doesn’t. I’m not about to force my own life lessons on anyone else, but if they can possibly help then I’m going to mention them.
In truth, I wish I was as good as standing up for myself as he is. I can’t imagine ever saying those things to a stranger even if they deserved to hear them. Just as I’ve come to talk openly about mental illness precisely because not everyone feels empowered to do so, I truly respect that he is saying to these people’s faces what other folks can’t.
Also, Ambivalid, remember that time you attended an orgy? We were smack in the middle of that thread when my MIL asked me if you still post here. I declined to tell her about that one.
Speaking as a woman who’s up to /climbs atop Sultan Kösen and stretches/ here of guys cutting in front of me so they can feel like gentlemen, gentle lessons don’t work. Either they end up completely disoriented, they laugh and disregard the remark, or they get pissy that I asked them to move out of the way. It’s one of the reasons I prefer working in factories and other places where the whole “ladies first” crap went the way of the dodo before the dodo did.
Ambivalid isn’t getting into those people’s faces, but he’s got perfect right to vent. What is this now, the BBQ Pit or the Why Can’t All Be Friends Bonfire?
Good intentions is not a valid excuse for bad manners or bad behavior, including belittling the agency of an adult human being. This is no different than telling a woman she needs to tolerate the sexist, misogynist behavior of men cat-calling or ass-grabbing because they “mean well” or “it’s intended as a compliment”.
The actions described by Ambivalid are offensive and demeaning. This is not just on his word, but quite a common meme in the disability community. Whether it’s grabbing the wheelchair of a paraplegic or grabbing the arm of a blind man and dragging him around,
these are violations of personal space and should be called out as the bad behavior they are, otherwise nothing will ever change.
Oh - how DARE he get upset at total strangers climbing into his car, or disregarding what he says, or treating a grown man like a helpless child!
Seriously - listen to yourself. You’re telling someone to put up with mistreatment.
Lots of people are idiots and their “well meaning” attempts at helping in a situation can actually make things worse rather than better. When I worked for my landlord I got to see a lot of that, idiots making home “repairs” that resulted in active hazards.
Yes, I’m all over the map on comparisons, but that’s rather the point - we don’t tell women to simply put up with condescending misogny any more, we don’t tell black people to simply put up with racism any more, we don’t tell the LBGTQ community to put up with prejudice anymore, why the hell are you telling the disabled to put up with it? It’s death by a thousand paper cuts, no one people a serious wound but adding up to a lot of pain and misery.
A minor but common example is those assholes on the road who stop the flow of traffic to wave you in front of them. They don’t know you need to be two lanes over, and that they are now blocking your ability to see what’s going on in that lane. Ignorant people are all the time making things worse with their ‘‘help.’’
These were the best!
Not to digress on this one point, but if the traffic is heavy, I disagree, if I’m understanding you correctly. If you “have to be” several lanes over immediately coming out of a side street or driveway into very heavy traffic, you’re doing it wrong, commonly known as “aggressive driving” which leads to traffic disruption and accidents. I will occasionally wave someone in when traffic is very heavy and they are obviously turning into the correct lane, usually when the traffic is solid and I’m already stopped just beside them, and I do it for one simple reason: if someone doesn’t let them in, they’ll be there all day, and I know I’d want someone to do the same for me. They wave back and go and all is good. Conversely, I always appreciate the courteous driver who lets me in. It’s all part of common driver courtesy.
Of course if they’re pointed straight out and think they’re going to cut across eight lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic like they were a stunt driver in a demolition derby, then fuck 'em, they can wait all day, or at least try their stunt after I’m very far away. I sometimes see these assholes stopped crosswise in the middle of the street blocking one or two lanes of busy traffic trying to get somewhere way the hell on the other side of a big multi-lane roadway. Sometimes I see the aftermath of these stunts, usually involving several tow trucks, maybe a fire truck, and police sweeping aside the debris.
I sort of see your point, though I don’t think you can or should try to judge people’s motivations. I think “feeling good about oneself” for being helpful is in itself a virtue and need not be microanalyzed further. Because the alternative is at best not giving a shit about someone else’s difficulties, or at worst, feeling good about being a bully or intentionally unhelpful or obstructive. And there are lots of people like that, who feel best when they’re being assholes.
I can definitely see your larger point, though, about people not understanding the important bit about “no, thanks, I don’t need help”. There are many possible reasons for not wanting the proffered help, and none of them are anyone’s business, so I agree with you that “no” has to be taken at face value or the “help” becomes an obnoxious intrusion.
Wolfpup, I’m not an asshole who blocks traffic. I’m not even a very aggressive driver. If I need to be in the left lane, I wait until there is no traffic before I go, because I cannot otherwise see. I’m talking two lane roads here. When traffic is slow, sure, I let people out and they let me out. I’m talking about people who slow down, disrupting the flow of traffic, when you are waiting for both lanes of traffic to pass.