Why, why, why aren't you taking the job? (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m trying so hard to understand this, but I’m so annoyed I can’t be rational. The Background: I work two jobs. My boss at my Little Job used to work for one of our stores in the Big Job company, in the same position as me, at a nearby location. Her job at Little Job is in jeopardy…she has received a 30-day warning. I happen to mention that the manager at the Big Job location she used to work at was fired…she asks me to call the Big Job Regional Manager and tell her she’s interested in coming back and would like that job.

I do this, interviews are arranged and held, and then she keeps asking me (a lowly underling in the Grand Scheme) “have you heard anything from BJRM?” So finally, ear pressed firmly to the grapevine, I hear that she is going to be offered the job…in fact, they are pretty much already referring to her as the new manager of location X. So since she’s on a day off, I figure she’s been approached and hasn’t called me yet. Remember, she’s been pestering me for days “have you heard anything?”

She comes in to work at Little Job, and I, confident in my knowledge, innocently ask HER, “did you hear from BJRM yet?” to which she replies, “uh, yeah, and I turned it down”. Now this is a woman who for days has been discussing how great it’s going to be to be back at Big Job, strategies for working with the staff, how wonderful the hours are at that location (the best hours in the region…no nights, no Sundays) and how she can’t wait. When she originally left Big Job, she left for significantly more money…she knows how much Big Job pays, and also knows that she’d be going to a location that may be closing soon, has much less volume and responsibility than any other location…my God, she used to work there! She had to know the money wasn’t great, but it was way better than what she’d get on unemployment, and now there are only 20 days left at Little Job…

I am so stunned. She says it’s because of the money and “other things”. I counter with, “but you don’t have to stay there forever…and it’s easier to get a job when you have a job…much easier than if you get fired from Little Job…and you’ll get to spend more time with hubby and baby…and we need you there…and I recommended you, and you wanted it…” all to no avail. Her husband has a good job…certainly a drop in income is an important consideration, but unemployed is worse than less money, and I’ve been surviving on my own on that kind of money, with two teenagers for years…I don’t have the security she has. Everyone at my location of Big Job is stunned…my coworker there is her former manager! This is a close-knit group. And the worst part is, since she is not taking the job, our Big Job location is going to have to help out at that Big Job location (we’re the closest) which makes our lives more difficult, and I’ll have to deal with a new boss at Little Job since she’s only got 20 more days! AND I feel like a putz for recommending her. AND my coworkers are ticked at her. AND everbody had been so glad we were going to have a trained, experienced former employee running that store as opposed to a total newbie who’ll mess up like the last total newbie.

So now that’s off my chest. I know she probably has good reasons, but I feel like I’m dealing with an irrational situation…guess my personal months of unemployment left deeper scars than I thought.

2

kittenblue, you are dealing with an irrational situation. I will accept the fact that she maybe didn’t take that job for really legitimate reasons… but I leaning more towards irrational thinking.

There has been something similar happening in my family, actually. First, I just want to say- I Love my family very dearly, and I am not meaning to “bad mouth” anyone. My sister has been out of a job for a long time (months). She is/was living with our parents. No problem… except that her boyfriend was living there too… and they ate a lot and used a lot of water/electricity etc etc.

Anyway, my Mom kept urging her to get ajob so she can get back on her feet. She would go for an interview for a job, and then take it. And then a ocuple of days later, walk out on the job because she “wanted something different” or “it was different from what I was expecting”.

This seems like the same irrational behavior that was portrayed by your boss at the little job. To which I respond with: You are hardly in a position to be picky!!!.

<sigh> I just don’t get it sometimes. Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, kittenblue.

LilShieste

3

kittenblue, you are dealing with an irrational situation. I will accept the fact that she maybe didn’t take that job for really legitimate reasons… but I leaning more towards irrational thinking.

There has been something similar happening in my family, actually. First, I just want to say- I Love my family very dearly, and I am not meaning to “bad mouth” anyone. My sister has been out of a job for a long time (months). She is/was living with our parents. No problem… except that her boyfriend was living there too… and they ate a lot and used a lot of water/electricity etc etc.

Anyway, my Mom kept urging her to get ajob so she can get back on her feet. She would go for an interview for a job, and then take it. And then a ocuple of days later, walk out on the job because she “wanted something different” or “it was different from what I was expecting”.

This seems like the same irrational behavior that was portrayed by your boss at the little job. To which I respond with: You are hardly in a position to be picky!!!.

<sigh> I just don’t get it sometimes. Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, kittenblue.

LilShieste

4

Hey, Kittenblue…can YOU apply for the job at Big Job? I wouldn’t sweat your boss’s situation…it’s her choice. I’m sorry you went to all the trouble, but she has to live with the decision, not you.

Now, LilSheiste, is Sis still living with Mom? Can Mom give her a definite move out by date and stick to it?

5

Actually, ivylass, my Mom did give a date (yesterday the 19th) and has stuck to it. Both of them are living with some friend I think now. My Mom and I both have had BIG problems with people walking over us, and taking advantage of us and stuff… and we are both getting much better about it. So I was proud thta my Mom stuck to her guns about everything.

Thanks for the concern.

kittenblue: yeah, maybe you could try to go for the big job position or something. :slight_smile:

LilShieste

6

This kind of thing is frustrating to witness. Of course, the thing is, you never really know if there is a good reason for the refusal. But it does certainly sound irrational on the face of it.

I had a friend who did this years ago. She had just graduated some college course that would qualify her for a great job. She looked around, and got two offers - an offer from a Big Company in downtown L.A., and a tentative offer from a Friend Of The Family, who made no commitments, and who were just “thinking” of hiring her. She calls me for advice. She liked the idea of working for the Friend Of The Family, but they weren’t solid in their offer yet. What should she do? Well, I think I gave her pretty decent advice—either get a solid offer from the Friend Of The Family, or go with the Big L.A. Company. I spent a LONG time talking with her on the phone about this. It was obvious to me that the Friend Of The Family was being wishy-washy about hiring her at that point.

So what does she do? She turns down the Big L.A. Company, without contacting the Friend Of The Family to get any definite offer from them. She just sits around, hoping and waiting for them to hire her. And of course, they don’t, they go with someone else. She got neither job. She never got ANY job in that particular field, as far as I know.

There are probably a lot of reasons for this. I think she really didn’t want to work in that field so much anyway—it was family pressure that made her take the college course to begin with. But, it still steams me that she called me up for advice, I spent A LOT of time giving it to her, and she just goes around and ignores it! (And it wasn’t as if I was telling her to do anything radical.) Shit! If she never wanted to work in that field, she should have just NOT DONE IT! And not have gone through the whole energy-sucking song-and-dance!

Oh well. I am the Queen of the Dead-End Jobs, so I really am in no position to get all High-and-Mighty about someone else’s poor employment decisions. But I’d like to think that if I had such an opportunity, I’d not bung it up so royally.

7

Thanks for the sympathy and stories. It’s nice to get such pleasant vibes in the Pit!

As to me applying for the job. Well. I used to be the manager of that store. I was fairly new to the company and sort of got the job by default when the manager got promoted. Because I had been an assistant, and had been pretty much alone in the store for months, they didn’t do a lot of management training with me…sort of got forgotten. This mall is very troubled…stores are bugging out in the dead of night, cancelling leases left and right…the upper floor is almost empty…they are desperate to sell/close it, but the last potential buyer wimped out. Business was dropping, sales were dropping…Big Job higher-ups felt they needed a more experienced manager in there to drum up business, so I was stepped-back to assistant and sent down for re-training. Now I am in a really great, vibrant store (also struggling to make budgets in a downtown that has lost big tenants like BP and LTV Steel) with a great manager and a great co-assistant (who also managed the troubled store til she resigned and then came back as an assistant again). We are a singularly experienced crew, and even though we are struggling, I’m happy there.

If they offered me the manager job at the other mall, I might take them up on it with some stipulations. But they haven’t offered. My feeling is, if when the Regional Manager sat down and said, “Hmm, who can we stick in at Troubled Mall to keep it up and running”, she didn’t think, “hey, kitten’s been retraining for 3 years now, lets’s ask her if she wants it” then they don’t think I’m the one for that situation. My boss says if I want it I have to ask for it, but when the Regional called our store to tell us about firing the last manager, and she got my coworker on the phone…someone who has steadfastly refused to even work there for a day in a pinch because she feels its too uncomfortable (whereas I have my own key to that store & help out there occasionally)…when she had her on the phone she offered HER the position. If my name didn’t even get considered, then I don’t think they have confidence in me, and I don’t expect that I would get any support from the Higher Ups. And I can’t afford to be set up to fail and find myself unemployed because I couldn’t make an unrealistic sales goal. Even though the hours are so much nicer, I like where I am and while I will do whatever the company asks, even manage that store part-time while assisting in my store part-time, I want them to want me, not just use me as a default choice and then demote me again in 6 months.

Immature? Maybe. Shows a lack of drive? Absolutely…I’ve never been a competitive, aggressive, driven woman. Retail is not my life…I enjoy it (especially today…it was fun!) but i don’t live for it.

8

And now the sad, sorry update, or…why Kittenblue should just keep her mouth shut.

Finally, a reason for not taking the job…she carries the burden of health insurance for their family, and if she changes to Big Job (for less money) she will have a 90-day wait for coverage, and with an infant, she doesn’t want to go bare til her hubby can get coverage from his job in Sept. or pay COBRA half her salary for 3 months

And why, why, why can’t I keep my mouth shut…I talked to my Big Job boss about “why wasn’t I even considered”, and she wanted to know too, so she called the regional who said…didn’t you get my message to call if you wanted it? and how would you like to work there part-time since we gave the job to the newbie this morning, and she could really use experienced help? So now I will be splitting my work week between two stores and Little Job and not getting one slim dime more to show for it, plus all the aggravation of coordinating schedules between the boss I want to work for and the newbie who will have to “check with her boyfriend to decide whether I can work there Tues. & Thurs”. I SUCK. I AM SO STUPID. But if she thinks her love-life is going to determine MY work schedule, she’s got some growing up to do. Oh yeah…I’m 45, she’s 23. And my pathetic love life is going to get priority, missy!

I am so stupid.I am so stupid…

9

Now, now, kitten, you’re not stupid. I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson from this little episode - it’s the nails that stick up that get pounded in. :smiley:

(yosemite, if you’re Queen of the Dead End Jobs, can I be Empress?)