If you got to the This American Life website you can listen to David Sedaris reading his towel story in streaming audio. (Real Player required, sorry!) It’s in the 7/12/96 episode, titled Detectives.
Warning: TAL is addictive. 
Friends may come and friends may go
Friends may peter out, you know
But I will always be your friend
Peter out or peter in
Sorry, wrong thread.
I second whoever said taking all the towels out of the bathroom so that she has no choice. Because that’s so fucking GROSS!
I have a very weak stomach when it comes to bad smells and feces especially makes me gag. I’d probably have vomitted the first time I discovered it, then raised holy HELL over it.
But that’s me.
This story is just so…baaad.
I would not recommending holding the next function at Kathy’s house. I just get this image of feces being smeared all over the place.
Hahahahahhahaha thats too funny !
Personally, if I was SURE it was her, I’d have a plan for the next meeting. When setting out drinks or whatever, instead of placing a napkin at her place, I’d set one of her monogrammed towels and see how much she likes finding the surprise.
“They will drop a deuce wherever and whenever the need arises.”
Is dropping a deuce a euphemism for flatulence? My mental gears jammed at the first interpretation I came up with for this one…
Frankly I can’t believe you are all showing such insensitivity and making fun of me. OF COURSE I don’t wipe my arse with the towels, thats just gross. Its just that when I dry my hands off, there’s always a bit spare that I didn’t count on, and I arrange the towels nicely so as not to offend anyone.
Seriously though, how do you tell someone to stop shitting on your towels without being offensive? Kinda reminds me of a similar incident at uni where the uni dealt with it in their ridiculous pc fashion.
Can you imagine how many times your MIL and her friends have used the guest towels after kathy has gone to the can before they discovered her nasty habit!:eek: GROSS!
This idea is almost as gross as what Katy is doing. Do you really think the rest of the women want anyone watching what they are doing? And who wants to be the watcher of especially what the wiper is doing? Of course, they could get an “independent observer”. :rolleyes:
kniz, while the idea of a spycamera in a bathroom is naturally creepy, I’m sure the idea was to point it at the towels, not the business area. Personally, I think that evidence based on deduction is enough to confront the culprit with.
Jeez, if someone did that in my house I’d probably drag the towel out and hold it under their nose while demanding “Did you do this?”
Works for house-training puppies, anyway.
Actually, that doesn’t work for house-training puppies, but that’s a whole other topic.
oooooooh!
I thought of something grand!
Does your M-I-L keep the towels in a closet or cabinet?
If so, there’s that old trick people have used to ‘get’ people that snoop in their medicine cabinets… fill the cabinet with marbles!
Put itching powder on the towels!
I’m all for the “hide all the towels next time she comes over” technique, but I’m a little scared to see what she’d resort to using if they were gone.
For some reason that gave me the vision of my neighbor’s dog that used to drag his butt across the living room carpet.
I’m sorry, but hiding the towels is just avoiding the problem. As her friends, your MIL and the others in the group need to confront her and get her to stop.
I imagine it started off innocent enough. She probably just sat on one of those shaggy toilet covers to tie her shoelace but enjoyed the feeling more than she could have imagined. After that she likely experimented with a variety of stuff… curtains, drapes, duvet covers, fax paper, anything she could get her cheeks upon. Now look at her. She’s hooked on the soft stuff. She can’t get her ass off the terrycloth.
They say her next choice must be rash if she ever expects to take a normal dump again. Apparently she needs to start wiping with some dry turkey.
How about just saying something short but clear, maybe as she’s leaving. “Kathy, it was good to see you, thanks for coming. Oh, I’d been meaning to tell you, about the towels thing? Gotta stop. See you next week, you drive home safely” and then she can be embarassed in private and she’s not being put on the spot or asked for an explanation or an apology.
Someone should give her a bunch of towels for Christmas, with the message that she should bring them with her wherever she goes.