Welcome, man… you are forewarned.
First of all as a genuine fat person I take offense to this thread.
Why is the fat person always accused of anything having to do with bodily functions. There is NO conclusive evidence stating that fat people fart more than other people and that their farts smell worse. We bathe just as frequently as the thin population and although we have more surface area we have the same number of BO glands as everyone else. Our assholes are the same size and our bowels hold the same amount of poop.
Whenever someone turns one loose, all heads immediately turn towards me, or if not someone can blame me and everyone will accept it as it it is obvious who is responsible.
Now that that is settled although sometimes it takes several rolls of TP to complete the job and considerable effort, I can not imagine a situation which would require usage of a bath towel. Even if I COULD envision such a situation there is no reasonable explanation for hanging the shitty towels back on the rack. This is not acceptable in ANY place by ANY person. This is not culturally dependent or based on upbringing, EVERYONE knows you do not wipe your ass on something and hang it back up.
There is NO giving this person the benefit of the doubt, this is NOT like belching in public or spitting which are bad habits but HUMAN. If she DOES do this at home there is no excuse for that either.
Either this person has an extremely distorted sense of humor or they are mentally ill. Maybe you can put some sort of glue on the towels so that whoever touches them gets stuck or something of the sorts. Or you can attach the towel to one of those “rape alarms” so it will sound if anyone removes it from the rack. Then you can immediately barge into the bathroom with a a camera and post the photos here.
This reminds me of my friend who used to come over for me to dye her hair. When it was time to rinse the dye out she’d just take a shower. After a few times I noticed that my detachable shower head would be askew every time she came over. Then I heard her telling someone about how much she “enjoyed” detachable shower heads. Ugh. I don’t do her hair anymore.
That’s kind of off topic, but this thread reminded me of it.
Kalhoun-“But I can’t picture how a towel would make it easier than regular toilet paper.”
There are a couple of ways that I can think of.
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Drape the towel over the handle of a plunger, or some similar object, then poke around the affected area until everything is cleaned off.
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Grab one end of the towel with one hand and hold it directly behind you. Then grab the opposite end of the towel with your other hand and pull it up between your legs. Pull straight up on one side, then tug straight up on the opposite side, and continue alternating.
Strippers frequently do something similar to this using a feather boa.
The second method might better be described as ‘flossing’ rather than wiping.
[Kathy] If I fold this back up with the skidmark on the inside, noooobody will evvvvver notice![/Kathy]
Cut to the scene from Zest commercial:
I’m Zessstfulllly…covered…with…shit!! WTF is SHIT doing on my towel??
Man, first time I jump out of the shower and wipe shit all over myself, that’d do it. I’d lose it.
If they are all lacking in basic hygere as Photog says, she should just leave the shit covered towel on the friggin floor and fess up. Hey, got this ass fetish that I like to wipe on towels, knew you’d understand.
As soon as she puts it back, she’s crossed the line.
Crazy?? Yeah, crazy as shit.
And seeing Surreal’s post just now…man, she needs to wipe from front to back to, you know, keep her shit on that side of the fence. Flossing would smear shit into the netherworld…
And about that plunger…I’ve always wondered how people with both hands injured wipe. I injured my right hand (I’m right handed) and had hell wiping leftie (not ambedextrious when shit wiping is involved…) I’m just glad I don’t have to use a friggin rock to wipe with…
Yeah, this thread kind of remind me of what a guest did at one of my friend’s house. Supposedly, it was like Thanksgiving and one of the guests had Alzheimer’s disease. She went into the bathroom and left a gift…her dirty pissy underwear left to dry off over the AC vent.
If you must have her over, pull out the linens, take down the shower curtains and put out the rolls. And confront her with it while she’s there (there’s no need to get another towel shit-crusted…unless the poster thinks the only way for her to fess up is to walk into the bathroom after she’s done and is sitting at the card table, pick up the crapped towel by a clean corner, and drop it in front of her at the table).
She’ll either apologize and ‘wipe right’ from now on or you’ll need to give ‘the speach’.
“Look, Scat Kat, we know its you and we’re damn tired of you Charminizing our finest linens. Now you can either bring a reach extender with you, or switch to Depends. Hell, Honey, we don’t care if you Plug It Shut before you come. But we are Not about to put up with This Shit <point to towel> Anymore in our homes. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Are you absolutely certain that’s what she was doing with your shower head? Is she the type of person who would masterbate in your house while you’re there? Sounds like the kind of thing a person does at home. Maybe she used the showerhead to make sure all the hair dye was off of her scalp?
I allowed a friend to stay with us (my ma and me) when I was in High School. She was not very good with the hygene and she was morbidly obese as well (not that these two things necessarily go together)
Anyway once, when she had gotten out of the shower she left her rolled up crusty underware on the inside doorknob of the bathroom.
Unfortunately for her, my ma was the next into the bathroom.
She came into the dining room where we were sitting, rolled up gray crusty panties on a stick, and asked “What the hell is this?”
Last time that ever happened
How revolting. Sounds like a fetish to me. Fetishes can be fine, but when it starts to affect you, or others around you in a negative way, or poses a health hazard, which this does both, I draw the line.
I wonder what her pile of towels at home looks like.
Personally, I wouldn’t invite her over anymore. You don’t know what else she could be doing in that bathroom that is going unseen. Maybe she likes to do wild and wooly things with all the toothbrushes…perhaps she contributes to the yellow liquid in the Pine Sol bottle?
Barring that, remove all towels from the bathroom. Every one of 'em. If all goes well next time “Kathy” is over, then you know she has control of herself and should be confronted. If she starts asking for towels, then you know she is out of control and should be confronted.
In honor of this sickening yet bizarrely humorous situation, I will leave you with this limerick. Feel free to post it inside the bathroom door next time she visits.
“Kathy” thought it just gas
On the lieu she assumed it would pass
She said with a scowl
“What a fluffy pink towel”
And with it she wiped off her ass.
This is so wrong. If somebody I knew pulled some shit like this it’d be the end of our relationship. Friend or family, mental problems or not, the moment your actions cause feces to come into contact with my body, your nasty ass is on its own. Jeez that’s gross.
I say give her the boot.
cries with joy
< Cut to the scene from Zest commercial:
I’m Zessstfulllly…covered…with…shit!! WTF is SHIT doing on my towel?? >
Oh geesh, I just screamed with laughter when I read that!
ROTFL!!! 
Make it stop! I can’t quit laughing!
country music
I’m over at a friends house,
sittin’ on the throne…
Lookin’ franticaly around
cause the toilet papers gone!
I’m feelin’ real unhappy!
A little bit uncertain!
Cause I’ve gotta wipe my butt again,
with the shower curtain…
Sorry for resurrecting this old thread, but I had to. 
That is horrifically disgusting. I agree that the woman should be confronted. But, if your MIL refuses to do so, even though your MIL would probably consider it gauche, would she consider replacing her fingertip or handtowels with paper towels or napkins?
Can anything stop the zombie towel pooper? :eek:
She’s graduated to beach towels.
Or fitted sheets.