I’ve been purposely living my life in a way designed to horrify Middle America since 1986.
You guys would betray you. All of you. I suspect even the Tolkien crew would rat me out.
“Mr. Rhymer,” the senator would say, “is it or is it not true that you have on…let me check my notes…24981 separate occasions plotted, threatened, or actively campaigned to conquer the Earth? Are you not, in fact, even as we speak conducting proscribed genetic engineering experiments on cloned pteranodons? Is the anti-matter bomb in this photograph, located at the very center of the Earth, not keyed to go off at the moment of your death?”
I don’t trust any of you guys. 'Cept what’s-her-name over there, with the nice rack, and what’s-his-name with the freckles.
Nude photos, some of them containing BDSM or hardcore imagery.
Because I didn’t vote for him. 
You think Robert Gates voted for Obama? Or the new nominee for Commerce Secretary, Judd Gregg? Or Hillary Clinton? 
No comprehension of the twisted insanity that is US politics.
Or any politics, really. Not that that’s stopped politicians from getting to power, but I think Obama is picky about that kind of thing.
I don’t think my atheism would matter, but my history in porn probably would count against me.
Honestly, I would be willing to bet good money that the former would matter significantly more than the latter.
Let’s see. Of course I have no skills he would find useful, unless he comes up with something like Secretary of Classical and Contemporary Art Music, or needs a Staff Bassoonist.
Other than that I think I’d be in! w00t
Unless he booted me for playing too much World of Warcraft instead of doing work.
Oh, well, in that case, boot Hillary and let me be Sec of State. I hear the travel perks are mahhhvelous.
Well, if that’s true, that is all kinds of wrong. As long as I am not outspoken about what I believe or don’t believe, I can’t see that it would interfere.
I am willing to bet there are plenty of high level politicians who are atheist, and have learned not to rock the boat with things that ultimately don’t matter. It’s hardly scandalous to believe something different, as long as you aren’t out there actively murdering infidels or being a hypocrite.
Among the *dozens *of counts already listed of which I am guilty alongside the rest of you…
I dropped out of high school. … a few times. 
And more seriously, I’d have a moral problem with serving at that level. I understand the oath to be “look out for America first”, but I would want to act with “humanity first” in mind, which, depending on the job, could sometimes be distinctly at odds with the former.
Now see, that’s a pass cuz Obama approves of graphic sex ed. for kids. A nice lady told me so.
I stole a cow.
I didn’t do all my own work on my PhD thesis. Not that anyone else did it either, mind you: It’s just not done yet.
But seriously, that is the real reason. The only cabinet position I could suspend my disbelief far enough to hold would be one of the science-related ones: National Science Adviser, Secretary of Energy, etc. And I would hope that a PhD would be regarded as a necessary qualification for any of those (a Nobel Prize is not a necessary qualification, but still a very nice one).
You haven’t heard? Uh, Obama is very much against firearm ownership. His “application” thing for a position was pretty clear about that, IMHO.
Please tell me more about Obama’s exclusion of gun owners from his cabinet, since this is so clear.
I’m a citizen and resident of Kanukistan.
I’m a blabbermouth. I can’t keep a secret.
But to answer the question seriously…
I have no criminal record, a good education, military service. Leaving aside my being Canadian (and I could become a citizen, after all) you know what’d get me?
All my comments on the Internet.
Seriously. I’ve been posting to message boards since the FIRST Bush administration and I’d get ripped apart. On this board alone I’ve started threads on how I might be farting holes in my underwear, about people I hate, and various other unpolitical things. It would be trivially easy for someone to figure out who RickJay was and I’d be torn to shreds.
Of the three biggies, “rock and roll” is the only one that wouldn’t disqualify me.
I fled the US to live in Canuckistan. I now am a Canuckistani citizen.
I have an ‘America : Love It or Leave It’ sticker on my laptop, and formerly on ma truck. (see above).
I’m a Buddhist, and he didn’t mention us in his inaugural address.
Probably Ms. Attack, but I haven’t figured out exactly why. She looks like she belongs in the Bader Meinhof gang, which may be enough.
My relatives (Hi, T. Slothrop !), but of course, that works both ways.