Why would you tell me that NOW?!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I had my dream wedding in Las Vegas in August. It was absolutely PERFECT. We had all our parents and two best friends each, and we bought a package where you get a 14-person limo that takes you to the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign where the Minister and photographer meet you and you get married under that sign. Someday I’ll write the whole story out if you’d like to hear it.

Anyways, my Dad and Stepmom had been planning a trip to Vegas the following spring, so when I gave them the wedding date they simply decided that this would be their “spring trip” as well. They flew down on the Sunday and just did their own thing every day except the Tuesday, which was our wedding day. I felt like my wedding was just an excuse for them to have their own vacation and they were being generous in giving us their time on the Tuesday, but hey I’m used to them not wanting to spend time with us. At least everyone was there for our Big Day and that’s all that mattered.

So Tuesday morning rolls around - the guys in their tuxes, me in my wedding dress, and we all pile into the limo to go to the sign. Happy…laughing…smiling…we’re getting MARRIED!! I’m a BRIDE and it’s the happiest day of my life!!

About halfway to the sign my Stepmom looks at me and blurts out: “Our computer got stolen out of our room.” I was all, “Wha…?” Apparently after they checked in they asked for more towels and a mini-fridge and when they came back to their room their laptop was gone, case and all. Which sucks. But all I could think was “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS NOW?!!” I was sitting in a limo on my way to get married! I’m the freakin’ bride!! You don’t tell the freakin’ BRIDE stuff like that on their way to the altar! (Or sign, in my case.)

I just said stuff like “Oh my goodness that’s awful” and then went back to being my happy bride-for-a-day self, because damnit this was MY DAY and nothing was going to bring me down. I honestly don’t think she was being malicious or anything, just blurted without thinking first. The entire day was absolutely magical and the most awesomest wedding ever.

My question: has something like this happened to anyone else? Someone springs something on you at the most inappropriate time?

2

When we returned to our home after our wedding we had a message from a friend of ours, Jen, asking us to please let a another friend, Mary, know that the chamber of commerce cook book Mary bought from Jen at our reception was $15, not $5 and could we get the other $10 from her. Really? That couldn’t have waited? I was still in my wedding gown, for heaven’s sake.

3

I don’t have a specific example, but my parents do things like that all the time. What it says to me is, the person is either just really self-absorbed or a full-blown narcissist and doesn’t have enough empathy or compassion to think about the timing of such lines of questioning. A lot of people simply do not stop and think about what the effects of their words could be before allowing them to tumble right on out there, uncensored. For your stepmonster, the most important issue on her mind that day was that her laptop was missing, not that her husband’s kid was tying the knot. Your wedding barely registered as a blip on her radar except as an event to distract her from solving the Case of the Missing Laptop.

4

Oh dear girl, let me relate a story. My wife and I flew to MSP from Alaska for my daughter’s second wedding. All through the month’s long run-up to this, the groom’s parents insisted on paying for everything, as he is their only son. No problem for me, as I only pay for one wedding per daughter. I helped out with my daughter’s dress and bought them a nice wedding present, however. A couple of months before the event, I spoke briefly on the phone with my future FIL, who seemed like a nice guy, and as we were wrapping up the conversation I said, off-handedly, “if there’s anything we can help with, let me know”.

So we pack up and fly down there, at no inconsiderable expense to us, and everything is jolly through the rehearsal dinner and all the flurry up to the wedding day, and the event goes off well. I was astonished at the number of people on the groom’s side of the aisle, which had to number 100 or so, compared to my side, which was about 10-15. I thought, boy they must have some money to feed all these people.

So off we go to the reception dinner and dance, and the food is pretty good and the beer bar is free and things are going along just fine. And then my daughter comes over to me and sits down and tells me that her new in-laws sent her over to ask me to help pay for the dinner! “How much are we talking here?” I asked. She says “Well, if you can swing $2000, they said that should cover it.” I told her as gently as I could that I had no intention of paying one dime to these people, since (a) money had never been mentioned prior to this, (b) they told me they were picking up the tab, and (c) what the fuck?

Daughter starts crying, her new husband goes scurrying off, and we made excuses and left, furious. As we go out into the hallway, the new MIL comes running over: “Are you leaving!?” she asks, incredulously. Yes, I inform her. “But what about the bill for the reception!!” she shrieks. That would be your problem. “But you said if we needed anything to ask you!” she wails. We turned and left without another word.

So when something really serious happens to you, come back and tell us.

5

Well…

Long story short from a few years ago. Really nice meal out for Mothers day. Nice time and boy was food good (and not even that expensive). Just a nice time, nice atmosphere, good food and pleasant conversation.

Well, the night concludes, everybody is walking to the cars and somebody drops the "oh, and BTW Mom I just lost my really good paying job that there is no way in hell I will find another like it around here, might not find another like it anywhere, and even if I do it will likely be a few thousand miles away "(which it ended up being).

Nice evening that ended up with that record needle dragging across the record sound…

Really guys? It couldn’t wait at the very least till the next damn day? :dubious:

6

Not wedding related, but when I was 7 mos pregnant a friend told me about her friend whose baby died in utero at 8 mos. Went to the OB for an appointment and found no heartbeat.

Really? Why the fuck would you tell me that???

7

I’m sorry your mom risked melting the very special and unique snowflake that you are.

8

I guess I’m the voice of dissent, or perhaps inappropriate one. The only one of these that would bother me personally is asking to pitch in for wedding costs, at the wedding.

Then again, I grew up in a house where we were regularly expected to plaster smiles on our faces and “have a good time” regardless of what we had to ignore to accomplish that. I’m ok with not ignoring things, not staying quiet about things.

Life is messy, and fun, and tragic, often all at the same time.

That said, I was pretty angry at my husband when he suddenly remembered to tell me some emotional news he’d been sitting on for a while, just when we had decided to take our young daughters out for ice cream, and were in the car with them. Given that he’d waited days to tell me, you’d think another 20 minutes wouldn’t hurt.

9

Telling seven month pregnant women detailed stories about miscarriages is pretty crass, too.

10

Yeah, I was past 40 weeks and mentioned to my (ex)BIL that my obstetrician was itching to induce me, but I wanted to hold out until 42 weeks to see if I went naturally. He emailed back, first asking why, then a second email telling me the risks of stillbirth that he’d just googled.

(a) you don’t say that to any pregnant lady, come on, we all knew the doc’s concerns but we didn’t need to say it out loud particularly because
(b) you don’t say it to the pregnant lady WHO LOST HER FIRST SON! He was induced & premature, so I was happy for baby 2 to be late, fat, healthy and arrive in her own time :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m glad he’s now my exBIL and I don’t need to have anything to do with him anymore - insensitive arse that he is!

11

I was in the middle of eating ice cream when my boyfriend broke up with me. I remember saying something like, “You couldn’tve waited til I was finished?! Now you ruined it!”

12

OP, my mother would often say things that weren’t germane to the occasion. I finally noticed that she only did that when she was stressed and/or nervous; I think she was mostly trying to fill up a silence but I’m not sure. Maybe the stolen laptop could fall into a category similar to that?

13

Sounds to me as if your daughter had already assured her new in-laws that you’d spring for it, and they were going by what she had told them. Hence her crying, hence their surprise.

14

So what happened Chefguy? Did you pay?

15

Another vote for being intensely curious about the aftermath, if any.

Did these people seriously think that “Let me know…” meant “Let me know so I can pay it?”

16

My mom is good at this too. My most memorable was when I was 14 and going to my first high school Homecoming dance. My date was a gay friend, so it wasn’t like I was trying to be all gorgeous for him, but I was excited and nervous to go to my first big high school event.

I was wearing this tiny Chinese dress my uncle had got for my mother when he was in Korea, and it fit really well, so I was thrilled to be wearing something so cool. I walk out to the living room and the first thing mom says is:

“We’re going to have to do something about that belly, huh?”

Way to ruin the whole night mom. Of course, I look back at pictures of that day and I was totally thin and looked really cute. What a shitty thing to say to an insecure teen about to go to her first big dance!

17

I’m curious too. In case you did pay, I’d like to invite you to a wedding … (you are supposed to answer, “is there anything I can do to help?”)

18

Sorry, but this is actually pretty funny.

19

I hope you rolled up the sleeves of your tux & said, “Scotch-brite to the rescue. How about you wash & I’ll dry? Hmmm?”

20

You know, I think a bride gets to be a special and unique snowflake on her wedding day. Not to the point of being a bridezilla, but certainly to the point where she can expect people to cater and defer to her for those 24 hours.