I have a very tall, very imposing friend who liked to use a very guttural voice to tell them, “I am compelled by (state) law to inform you that I am a registered sex offender. I was convicted of sexually molesting door to door salesmen.”
I never saw one until I bought a house in an actual neighborhood. School kids with fund raising catalogs, teen sports selling coupon books, home remodelers, trash companies, Working America, home security systems…
That’s been it for September so far.
In all honesty I think of them as a very 1950s/60s thing. In a world where the milkman still delivers milk and mom puts out apple pie on the window sill to cool.
Though I do remember the door to door encyclopedia salesman (played by Penn Jilette!) ep of “Friends.” I wouldn’t mind if Penn tried to sell me something.
We have a “No Soliciting” sign on our front door. This seems to chase off most of the door-to-door salespeople. But every now and then one will ignore the sign and ring the doorbell anyway. Our stock answer is, “Did you notice this sign? 'Kay bye.” Door slam 
I disapprove of any lying.* I just tell them no and don’t come back and close the door. I have never had anyone get too pushy.
*There are some lies that one has to tell. When someone asks you how you like their new house/haircut/outfit or if they look fat, for example.
(Though with the people who come to our door, the truth is usually relevant. We don’t replace our windows or roof or seal our driveway, it is part of our condo fees. I am also allergic to newsprint and we don’t eat junk food. That takes care of about 90% right there.)
Yeah, I don’t see why this is so hard.
“Oh I’m not interested, thanks, bye.” and shut door. Polite and effective. The same basic approach works for the phone too.
I have a friend who went through a goth phase for a few years at the end of high school and maybe a bit after. One time he was at my house when some Jehovah’s Witnesses were running the neighborhood and we had him answer the door, hilarity ensued. Bonus points that he was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and his whole goth thing was sort of his response to rejecting that upbringing.
To the OP, I don’t see the point in lying when a firm no is just as effective. As soon as I realize I’m not interested, which is usually pretty quickly, I just interupt them and say something to the effect of “Look, I’ll just save you the time and effort. I’m not interested. Good luck.” And if they respond with more sales talk rather than a quick thanks for my time or whatever, I just shut the door.
I just don’t see how lying makes that any easier. And, really, it strikes me as the same kind of fear of hurting someone’s feeling as like refusing to actually reject someone I’ve dated that I’m not interested in. Especially in a case like a salesman, they’re going to get rejected dozens of times in a day and I’m sure they hear the same lies over and over and know when they’re being lied to. If I were in their situation, I’d appreciate someone being straightforward and not wasting my time or insulting my intelligence with a silly lie unless maybe it’s original and intended to be silly.
Oh, and specifically to the lie in the OP, I certainly would never say that I’m watching the house for someone out of the country. Even though it’s a lie, if they think it’s true and they’re dishonest, it does make your house a target for burglary because those are precisely the sorts of homes that a thief would want to hit. So, if you still feel you have to lie, at least pick another one, like maybe just saying you’re in the middle of something (like dinner), or pretending to barely understand English or that you were having guests over and thought he was one of your friends or go with a silly one.
I don’t even see the point of “I’m not interested” for telemarketers. I just hang up without saying anything.
I tell the kids selling candy bars that I’m diabetic.
Why lie? Close the door.
Or just tell them you are not interested in what they are selling and with the nexk question answer ‘’''asked and answered" and keep repeating that.
On the phone or at the door I treat the person on the other side with respect, they lhave a job to do. But if they do not respect my answers then all bets are off, and some time I have fun with them. They are taking my time so I can waste their time if I have nothing to do.
When I was a kid, my father paid me 25 cents a minute to waste telemarketers time. It helped that by the time I was twelve, our voices were identical. I could blather on for hours.
Lies can also be effective at preventing future calls.
When I was a telemarketer targeting homeowners, a “not interested” got chucked back in the pile to be called in a few months; after all, they might change their mind in the interim. An “I rent” got you taken off permanently, as we’d just be wasting time calling you again.
We all preferred the quick rejections to the people who hated our spiel but listened anyway, as we could move on faster.
(To try and head off your vitriol: I was young, I needed the money, and I moved on as soon as I could.)
This. Exactly this.
This is why I like my area with the laws that are pretty liberal about people arming themselves. Some salesman sticks his foot in my door I just have to yell “Honey, get the shotgun!” and they generally leave pretty quick.
The fact it’s well known around the neighborhood that a few years back we really did shoot a truck thief (crossbow, actually, not gun) helps quite a bit, too.
My landlord, on the other hand, usually just pulls out his .45, which also makes people tend to leave in a hurry.
I realize, of course, that this sort of area doesn’t appeal to all people as a place to live.
ETA: Usually, though, I find “go away” to be quite effective without need to resort to weapon displays.
You don’t say.
From your wife’s point of view, if you’ll lie to salesmen just to avoid getting into a “verbal back and forth” with them, how does she know you won’t lie to her if it makes things easier for you? Are you basically a truthful person, or not?
I have realized I am under no obligation to give a good reason for not buying. I just explain I am not interested in talking to them. Most of them recognize a hopeless case and leave.
I’ve started just letting them see me see them and then pointedly not answering the door. I award myself bonus points if they try and greet me through the window as I go and re-lock the front door. Its like a ringing phone - we’re all trained to answer the door, but we don’t have to. I have no obligation to greet them or let them talk to me at all, just because they want to.
Answer the door naked. No words necessary
That reminds me of GothBot:
“Whatever you are about to say is just going to embarrass yourself and annoy me, so let’s just fast track you straight to rejection. You’re welcome”.