An electric eel can stop a humans heart.
It won’t go below freezing if you see coffee bushes growing in the area you got lost in.
Mud smeared in your hair, clothes and on bare skin will help keep biting flies from biting you.
Some diseases can be passed on to you by eating infected humans.
If you run into a bear, don’t climb up a tree.
If it’s really pretty, brightly coloured, really ugly, or smells bad, leave it alone.
So kingsnakes are all . . . Gryffindor?
If it’s cold out and you’re lost, avoid getting wet.
That’s all I got. So much for my girl scouting! I was also Queen of the Fire Starting–really just a junior pyromaniac.
If attacked by a grizzly bear, play dead.
Frankly, if I run into a grizzly bear in the wilds of South Carolina, we have bigger problems than whether to run or play dead or hit it in the face.
Ah, yes, the Fwoomph method, originally attempted by Hairless Hans Fwoomph in the late 19th century.
It’s most amusing when attempted by two people. The first person applies a way-too-liberal amount of gasoline and then tells the second person (who hasn’t been paying attention) to light the fire.
Close attention should be paid to the second individual. I, um, I mean he, may just set a new world’s record in the backward broad jump.
“The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.”
Right. But there’s been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace… The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
(To be delivered in a T.S. Venture voice, I presume.)
Right around 10-15 second point.
We have those here. Could come in handy, if there were only some practical way to remember which is which.
Run away from all snakes. Can’t go wrong.
Same thing in spirit, really. Either, of course, will be followed by a horrible mishap.
Well, you can run into another snake, no?
This noon when going out for lunch I saw some kind of vine viper, about 1.2 meters long. Looking at me, wrapped around a fence post by the side of the road.
Last month, after leaving the office late I saw a large snake on my way out, 3 meters at least sprawled across the back road. It looked like a spitting cobra, but I didn’t want to hang around to make sure so walked around it keeping 3 or so meters between us.
As long as you keep a safe distance from a snake you shouldn’t have any problems, they are not likely to come after you… unless you are sleeping out in the boonies and one decides to get in bed with you for some warm and coziness.
Even easier, if you are wearing a watch… point the hour hand at the sun. Halfway between the hour hand and the 12 is due south. rotate 180 degrees for north.*
*Also remember to correct for daylight saving time. May not work for digital watches.
Does having dinner with the Borgias qualify as ‘wilderness survival’?
Ok, I can’t remember any advise that’s actually useful, but on the topic of bears…
To identify a bear, piss it off then climb a tree. If it climbs up after you, it’s a black bear. If it knocks the tree down it’s a grizzly.
On second thought, maybe you should avoid pissing off bears. 
Danny Kaye’s expression when he repeats “They broke the chalice from the palace?” is worth the price of admission.
Back to your regularly scheduled thread.
I believe in protective coloration. Thus I will not insult the mama of anything that looks like a coral snake. I wouldn’t be right.
I offer this one to all of you men. It’s conceivable that it’s advice I’d need, but you won’t.
If you are menstruating in the backcountry, treat your used hygienic supplies as you do food: wrap tightly in sealable bags and hoist in your bear-proof container up a tree.