Only when stationary. Otherwise they’re Slytherin.
I learned “My Very Excited Mother Jumped Skillfully Under Nelson’s Parachute.” It has been reduced to “My Very Excited Mother Jumped Skillfully Under Nelson.”
I learned “M VEM J SUN P” - pronounced “Em, Vem, Jay, Sun, Pea”
If you make a fist and extend your arm in front of you, your fist is approximately 10 degrees of the sky. You can sight from the top of your fist and count 9 fists to directly overhead.
Not sure these should appear in the same post.
Maybe I’m selfish but that gives me ABSOLUTELY NO COMFORT whatsoever.
Comon, you will go down in mountain lion history as the REASON mountain lions don’t fuck with people!
“Remember, cubs! NEVER come between a human and his beer! Humans fight ferociously to protect their kills!”
In Camp Fire Girls, there was a task (an Honor Bead requirement) that you had to start a certain number of camp fires using only one match and stuff you found in the wild. Dryer lint was never commonly found in the wild back then. Maybe it is now. We also didn’t find candle wax in the wild.
However, I think that perhaps I’ll try to make some firestarters for our grill. My husband seems to have problems lighting the thing sometimes, and I am all for anything that encourages him to cook on the grill. Number one, because he’s cooking the entree, which means that if it’s not done to his liking, it’s HIS fault. Number two, it means that most of the cooking is done OUTSIDE the house, which means that I will not be overcome by the heat in the kitchen.
No, we don’t want a gas grill. The food just doesn’t taste the same.
Let’s see… moss always grows on the outside of the tree.
If there are no trees, and alot of snow it is a polar bear.
If the tree is made of bamboo it is a kola bear.
If there are no trees, and you are in a bedroom it is a teady bear.
If you are in london, and the bear is wearing a blue jacket it is Padington Bear.
If moss is growing on a stone, the stone is probably stationary.
Said stone may also make for a good father figure (on the Sly, of course).
eucalyptus tree = kola bear
bamboo = panda bear
Beanie on head = dancing bear from Captain Kangaroo
The procedure for a chimney style charcoal starter says to use newspaper in the bottom. It works much better if you drizzle or spray some cooking oil on the paper first.
Most of us are not deer hunters, so this is something you won’t need. Deer are very curious beasts. If you hang a small radio in a tree, turned on low, a deer will come to see what the heck it is. Better yet, used menstual supplies will attract them from a mile away. Something smells female and sexual! How come this thing nailed to a tree smells that way? Sometimes, lust is the very last thing on a deer’s mind.
Breadcrumbs are not a good way to mark your trail. m&ms are much more visible, and will only be eaten by aliens.
If you get your head stuck between two trees (this is always happening to me), just sit tight and stay quiet. Eventually some wild animal will come by, scare the crap out of you and you’ll find you’ve pulled your head loose.
Massive blood loss due to severed ears can be staunched with a liberal application of thick mud and by tying your pants around your head in a tourniquet.
Tibetans generally start a fire with one piece of homemade charcoal, one match and goatskin bellow. Pretty freaking amazing in the middle of winter, minus a gazillion degrees, snow everywhere, wood is all wet. They use a piece of charcoal kept inside their shirts, and once it barely gets started, the bellows start up. Wet wood will burn with the bellows going.
You know how to make a goat bellow? Kick it in the balls.
If you’re hungry and foodless, you can get hot cross buns by pouring boiling water down a rabbit hole.
This is only accurate if you are in the Northern Hemisphere. If you are below the equator, you have to perform the opposite task to get the accurate reading.
I now quote from the May 2002 edition of the latest US Army Survival Manual FM 3-05.70 paragraph 18-6; "In the Southern Hemisphere, point the watch’s 12 o’clock mark towards the sun; a midpoint halfway between 12 and the hour hand will give you the north-south line (figure 18-2).)—That figure shows North indicated as halfway between 12 and the hour hand. According to the official policy of the US Army.
What if you use a midpoint that’s not halfway between?
And where are the other middle points, anyway?
Aliens only like Reese’s Pieces.
I second the tourniquet around your neck, though. 
of what possible use is knowing the rhyme to remember the nine (ok, 8) planets in the wild? How about biological classification, which I learned as King Philip Came Over From Germany Stoned.
Piffle. Colibri, it’s gotta rhyme first…uh,
“Black, red, & yellow, it’s not German fellow.”
You don’t like? Try rhyming orange…