Will I ever find the perfect partner?

The Game Room
1

Do you think there is one out there for everyone? Or are there some people that should realistically never expect one? I’m starting to think there just isn’t one for me.

Some of you may remember my previous difficulties in this matter, and recently I’ve been having some very negative thoughts. But the fact is I’ve started to believe that in my case maybe it was just never meant to be.

I can’t say I’ve had NO experience at all. I’ve always wanted to score imps in the real world. But the truth is, I’m 36, and I’ve never “done it”—except anonymously on-line. True, Los Angeles is a huge city, but nobody I know is interested.

There was a very brief time when I met someone on-line (actually, ALL of my experience has been on-line, to tell the truth). She was an Argentinean girl—let’s call her “Patricia.” When we first met, I could tell we were compatible, and though both of us were “beginners,” when we declared, we usually made game, and sometimes top board. When she was logged on, I’d meet up with her and we’d play and chat. Things were very relaxed. She didn’t speak much English, but that was OK. If things didn’t go well, I would always just say, “nnp,” and we’d continue—and when they did go well, I could always say “Bien hecho, p!”

With her I thought I’d finally found my perfect partner, when suddenly she changed her card. She said she didn’t want to play weak 2s anymore—she wanted something “mas tradicional.” And I was just starting to think about using my saved up vacation time to go to Buenos Aires to do a tournament with her. I was willing to pay for everything, and I started to hint at it online—but I think she thought I was just joking, and was making fun of me all along. That’s because I was online three months ago, and she jumped into an ops position with me, aggressively competed with my bidding up to my six-heart slam, and then doubled.

The result was humiliating. I went down three tricks—minus 12 imps. The only thing she said after was, “nto, gtg, chao,” and then logged off.

I think maybe the situation is hopeless.

2

No one is perfect. But there are a lot of people close enough, that if you’re willing to work with them to bridge the gaps, they can trump any defects in play…

3

Eh, she was just a nuisance. You’re not a loser, but if you keep your sights on love you’ll never score.

4

Not to be cap’n clueless, but is this about a bridge partner or a life partner? Your OP seems almost deliberately vague on this issue.

5

Sometimes you really do feel like a dummy when you lay your heart on the line only to be clubbed into submission.

6

Are you trying to say my finesse was an unnecessary risk?

7

It’s time to call a spade a spade, and just lay your cards on the table.

8

I thought about that, but I felt I should follow suit with her. I could’ve ducked her lead, but where would that have left me?

9

Couple points:

  1. If you are looking for a marriage, my advice is to pick someone based on your character flaws. For example, I am very messy, and I like messy, and I hate cleaning. So, I picked a partner who can handle that.

  2. If you are looking for a girlfriend the problem is yourself. I was in your situation, and here’s what I noticed about myself:
    a. My standards were unrealistic. The most unrealistic one was that girls who showed interest in me automatically turned me off. I only developed crushes on girls who were stand-offish, and in many cases, gay.
    b. I waited for them to chase me. This is a Western cliche about “women are always right” that peaked about 10 years ago with the popularity of the book, “The Rules.” What you need to understand is that women have two minds, a rational mind and an animal mind. The rational mind will talk them out of anything, because, surprise!, women aren’t right all the time. In fact, women are just as wrong as often as guys. The animal mind is the one that thinks tattoos are hot and makes them swallow chocolate. If you are like me, you have very little chance of activating the animal mind. On the other hand, we have a lot more control than we think over the rational mind.
    c. “Chasing” the person you want is an art form, and is something that can be learned. I learned it overseas where they were very open in talking about it, but I hear there are books available here that teach the same thing.
    d. You may have some emotional or psychological issues that prevent you from having a relationship, and may need to talk to a psychiatrist. For example, boys who worship their mothers have a difficult time not putting a woman on a pedestal.

Imho, the best advice I can give you is be honest. Be honest especially with yourself, and show that honesty to others. But, be warned: this is much harder than most people think.

10

Hmmm… what is that wind-like sound.

11

Check out The ACBL Website for a club near you. Many clubs have novice programs, including lessons and help finding partners. Sounds like you’re a SAYC kinda guy. That’s probably the most common card in the modern game.

Or just show up at a tournament, join ACBL if you like, check in at the partnership desk, and they’ll likely be able to match you up with someone for a novice event. When I still played, I preferred the stratified or stratiflighted open events–I’ve forgotten the difference–because the point awards were better. At a regional, you might get to play a round against some of the top players in the game. A woman I used to play with made 7NT against Jacoby years ago, and still tells the story every chance she gets.
Team events are also good. I’ve never played a Swiss Teams where I didn’t come away with something, and Knockouts were fun, too.

12

You can’t trick me-moving thread from IMHO to The Game Room.

13

Hmm, yeah why is this in game room?

14

Heh.

You perhaps you ought to read the OP again, Hal.

15

Because it’s it a bridge to a whole 'nuther reality.

16

Curse you, Czarcasm, curse you. If you think you can slough over my woes just like that you your gonna pay for it in you know what.

Oakminster, how do these team events work? I’ve always wondered.

17

Oyh, Czarcasm, time to adjust your meds!

This one’s off to MPSIMS, methinks.

Gukumatz,
Game Room Moderator.

18

While you two are contracting over this, I’ll be down at Los Cinco Trebols (a singleton bar), and hopefully return before the deal gets passed out.

I’m sure I won’t be making any claims tonight, though.

19

You play as part of a 2-pair team in matches against another 2 pair team. Your North-South against their East-West, and vice versa. Swiss teams will be a series of short matches, like 8 boards or so. Some effort is made to match teams with similar records in each round. Any win earns a small masterpoint award, and placing in the overall standings earns larger awards.

Knockouts are an elimination tournament. Your team against another for 24 boards or so, winner advances, loser is out of the event.

Team games are popular at tournaments, especially regionals, because the elusive Gold Points are possible. IIRC, it takes 300 points to make Life Master, 25 of which must be gold. Silver points are awarded at sectional tournaments, think it takes 50 of those to make Life Master. I haven’t played in years, and only earned around 50 points when I did. May pick up the game again sometime in the future.

20

Looks like Gukumatz has trumped your hand, Czarcasm. Can you come back on the River to settle this once and for all?